hiya ljland
huh, so i'm home, and it will never cease to amaze me how very weird it is. the weirdest part is that it's not really weird; it feels like i've been here all along, but then i remember stuff that transpired at school and the general fact that school exists and then it seems very weird to be back here, especially considering that this house will be sold next spring, so this could be the last time i am here, but more likely means i will spend my summer break helping pack everything up and then will be somewhere else for next winterbreak. damn. had to end the sentence. i was going to try for one long run-on of doom.
i rediscovered that I hate flying across the country. i am so driving with Sammie again next summer. really not looking forward to flying back to school at the end of break.
well, this semester was quite a disappointment
my room at Scripps turned out to be notsobad, though smaller than rumored, but also turned out that my lazyass friends did not feel like putting in any effort come visit me (and i don't want to hear that you can't get into the dorm; there's a tree and a phone, either of which can gain you access if used properly and it's really not that hard, and besides, Scrippsies will let just about anyone into the dorms: if you're a girl, they assume you're one of them; if you're a guy, they just can't say no)
because no one would come visit me, I spent almost no time in my room, which wasn't so bad except that I felt rather homeless and got lazy such that i didn't really bother to find people because well what if there was no one around and then what? wander back to my room to sit there by myself?
this lead to me spending more time with a certain person than i would have liked. not that i do not love certain person dearly, but sometimes amount of time spent with certain person lead me to resent certain person, when really i should have been grateful to certain person because certain person was pretty much the only person reliable enough to keep me from becoming depressingly lonely.
and the one good thing from the end of last semester kind of up and disappeared as if it never existed.
and at least three amazing people left because Mudd destroys souls
I also feel like i got absolutely no where in the "becoming at least somewhat decent at dance, you know, like where i was before i came to this blasted school" department. ballet did not happen, and i pretty much sucked at stretching/running/staying in shape. my pointe shoes saw the light of day once (well, technically it wasn't day). and after being pretty much shoved into choreographing for the fall concert, my solo was subpar at best.
two words: big. stems.
and then once i dropped that shit, i still managed to fuck everything up at the end of the semester like only i can. whatever. time to move past it. i've gotten to be a pro at moving past shit. well, sort of. that kind of shit anyway.
also turns out i have grown extraordinarily weak in the past 2.5 years. the New Englander in me is very ashamed of this, and wonders what the fuck is my problem. I blame California, but the New Englander counters with "you should not be beaten by California, you weak-ass bitch! shape the fuck up, and get the fuck over it"
my 21st birthday: (Friday before birthday) pretty awesome start to weekend followed by realisation that i've had two best friends in my life (as in "best" friend, one of them, not that groups of awesome bestfriends don't rock, but you know that one friend that doesn't even fit into any group of friends, but just is) and one of those best friends is now dead and the other i have managed to destroy slash mess up to the point I really don't think we can be the kind of friends i think we should be.
anyway, this realisation and my expressing it to said still-living best friend, plunged me into abject misery that was still going very strong when my birthday rolled around. so, i was miserable and kicking myself for fucking up my 21st birthday. and my misery was compounded by continually thinking about how i would have no awesome 21st stories to tell and would have no way of explaining why my 21st sucked so much without sounding like a giant moron.
and then the Patriots lost. and then i received a reminder about why it sometimes sucks to be female.
and then i got sick. sore throat, fever, dizzyness, cough, the whole shebang. ironically, this was the best thing that had happened to me all weekend, because now i can say that my 21st birthday sucked because i got sick.
but then i was sick for a month.
also, brilliant plans for breaks did not happen because i am hlame, and California seems to be anti-adventure.
and i didn't make the ballroom team because ChrisWitt is a poop. and will not be in Pomona dance concert that i know of because the dance department is fucking poor because Pomona College is fucking cheap.
and my knee kept being bitchy.
and i didn't hang out with a bunch of people as much as i should have.
and the poker in the new James Bond movie is fairly awful.
i rediscovered that I hate flying across the country. i am so driving with Sammie again next summer. really not looking forward to flying back to school at the end of break.
well, this semester was quite a disappointment
my room at Scripps turned out to be notsobad, though smaller than rumored, but also turned out that my lazyass friends did not feel like putting in any effort come visit me (and i don't want to hear that you can't get into the dorm; there's a tree and a phone, either of which can gain you access if used properly and it's really not that hard, and besides, Scrippsies will let just about anyone into the dorms: if you're a girl, they assume you're one of them; if you're a guy, they just can't say no)
because no one would come visit me, I spent almost no time in my room, which wasn't so bad except that I felt rather homeless and got lazy such that i didn't really bother to find people because well what if there was no one around and then what? wander back to my room to sit there by myself?
this lead to me spending more time with a certain person than i would have liked. not that i do not love certain person dearly, but sometimes amount of time spent with certain person lead me to resent certain person, when really i should have been grateful to certain person because certain person was pretty much the only person reliable enough to keep me from becoming depressingly lonely.
and the one good thing from the end of last semester kind of up and disappeared as if it never existed.
and at least three amazing people left because Mudd destroys souls
I also feel like i got absolutely no where in the "becoming at least somewhat decent at dance, you know, like where i was before i came to this blasted school" department. ballet did not happen, and i pretty much sucked at stretching/running/staying in shape. my pointe shoes saw the light of day once (well, technically it wasn't day). and after being pretty much shoved into choreographing for the fall concert, my solo was subpar at best.
two words: big. stems.
and then once i dropped that shit, i still managed to fuck everything up at the end of the semester like only i can. whatever. time to move past it. i've gotten to be a pro at moving past shit. well, sort of. that kind of shit anyway.
also turns out i have grown extraordinarily weak in the past 2.5 years. the New Englander in me is very ashamed of this, and wonders what the fuck is my problem. I blame California, but the New Englander counters with "you should not be beaten by California, you weak-ass bitch! shape the fuck up, and get the fuck over it"
my 21st birthday: (Friday before birthday) pretty awesome start to weekend followed by realisation that i've had two best friends in my life (as in "best" friend, one of them, not that groups of awesome bestfriends don't rock, but you know that one friend that doesn't even fit into any group of friends, but just is) and one of those best friends is now dead and the other i have managed to destroy slash mess up to the point I really don't think we can be the kind of friends i think we should be.
anyway, this realisation and my expressing it to said still-living best friend, plunged me into abject misery that was still going very strong when my birthday rolled around. so, i was miserable and kicking myself for fucking up my 21st birthday. and my misery was compounded by continually thinking about how i would have no awesome 21st stories to tell and would have no way of explaining why my 21st sucked so much without sounding like a giant moron.
and then the Patriots lost. and then i received a reminder about why it sometimes sucks to be female.
and then i got sick. sore throat, fever, dizzyness, cough, the whole shebang. ironically, this was the best thing that had happened to me all weekend, because now i can say that my 21st birthday sucked because i got sick.
but then i was sick for a month.
also, brilliant plans for breaks did not happen because i am hlame, and California seems to be anti-adventure.
and i didn't make the ballroom team because ChrisWitt is a poop. and will not be in Pomona dance concert that i know of because the dance department is fucking poor because Pomona College is fucking cheap.
and my knee kept being bitchy.
and i didn't hang out with a bunch of people as much as i should have.
and the poker in the new James Bond movie is fairly awful.