(no subject)
It makes me sad when my friends are unhappy. I had a crappy night at work last night, and an even crappier day at work today. Last night, Gavin didnt show for work, and he hung up on me, and I was mad at him, but he didnt go to work because of all the shit surrounding it. Im mad at myself because i was mad at gavin when he was sad. I wish I could be there for my friends, and i feel like a bad person when im angry and their sad. I do that a lot, I think im a bad person. I cam home and cried because of everything thats been happening, im not doing well in english or cold war classes, i feel like a hypocrite, and i dont think im a good person. english and cold war and kiss my ass though, i got into farmington, fuck van orden and...whatever blake. I dont like the sound of fuck blake because i dont hate him, just van orden...Im a hypocrite because i tell my friends that i want to be more incorporated with them, and because of the play, it was a problem, i felt left out and lonely and stuff. now that the plays over, i still want to hang out with my theater friends, so i dont spend a lot of time with my best friends, so ifeel like a hypocrite for getting mad at them for leaving me out, but then when i get the opportunity to hang out with them, im with theater people. I feel liek im getting pulled in so many directions. I want to be everyones friend, I want to be close with my theater people and i want to keep my bond with casey and ellen. Ive known casey since kidnergarten, and she's my sister, i love her, and i would not be who i am today without her. Ellen's been there for me since 6th grade, and she and i have gotten so close, I love her so much. Amy and I have gone through so much together, and she means so much to me. But its the same thing with theater people, anthony, caleb, mandy, mark....the list goes on and on (because there are so many friggin theater people). I just wish I could be a better person and figure out how to deal with this. Im getting pulled in a thousand directions, being thrown into situations, and treated like a psychiatrist. I love everyone, and I will be there to help anyone who comes along, but then, when everyone else has problems, and I have a few, who will listen to me? I feel kind of alone...