this one goes out to my homegirl brandi
from McSweeny's
"Rap Snacks Potato Chips
Submitted by Randall DeVallance
Rap. Snacks. An unlikely synthesis, but that didn’t stop the folks at Rap Snacks Inc. from basing an entire company around the idea.
I was given my bag of Rap Snacks “Back at the Ranch”-flavored potato chips as a housewarming gift by my friend Terry. This is the same friend that once gave me a pack of Focus cigarettes for my 18th birthday. I took the bag and smiled at Terry’s keen sense of kitsch value. Then I gasped. On the front, looking as though they were challenging me to a fight, were my junior-high heroes BBD!
Well, maybe not my heroes, but I think I remember owning “Poison” on cassingle. Anyway, this was not an actual photo of BBD; rather, it was a crudely rendered cartoon of the three mike gladiators standing in front of a neon-green brick wall. Emblazoned across the men’s genitals were the words “Education = Success.” I couldn’t agree more, so I tore open the cellophane and popped a chip in my mouth. It was adequate. Sort of like Lay’s. I frowned and studied the bag some more.
“BBD? These guys haven’t put out an album in like a decade.”
“Maybe they’re making a comeback,” said Terry.
“No way. Not BBD.”
“It’s possible.”
“No it isn’t!”
Luckily, Rap Snacks anticipated this sort of argument. The back of each bag features a short bio of the artist featured on the front. As it turns out, BBD is back. According to the bag, “BBD’s new single ‘Da Hot shit (Aight)’ is taking radio airwaves everywhere by storm.” Is it? I ran to the radio and turned it on. There it was! Usher, featuring Lil’ John. So I waited, through Nelly and Outkast, Petey Pablo and Lil’ Kim, David Banner and Bonecrusher. No BBD. Disappointed, I scarfed down the rest of the chips, rinsed out the bag, and hung it on my refrigerator with a pug magnet. And there it stays. Soon I’ll add Lil’ Romeo’s “Bar-B-Quing with my Honey” and Mack 10’s “Red Hot Cheddar,” until one day, I will have consumed the entire hip-hop community. Not a great snack, but definitely a great conversation piece."
and for a first hand viewing of the product --behold!
"Rap Snacks Potato Chips
Submitted by Randall DeVallance
Rap. Snacks. An unlikely synthesis, but that didn’t stop the folks at Rap Snacks Inc. from basing an entire company around the idea.
I was given my bag of Rap Snacks “Back at the Ranch”-flavored potato chips as a housewarming gift by my friend Terry. This is the same friend that once gave me a pack of Focus cigarettes for my 18th birthday. I took the bag and smiled at Terry’s keen sense of kitsch value. Then I gasped. On the front, looking as though they were challenging me to a fight, were my junior-high heroes BBD!
Well, maybe not my heroes, but I think I remember owning “Poison” on cassingle. Anyway, this was not an actual photo of BBD; rather, it was a crudely rendered cartoon of the three mike gladiators standing in front of a neon-green brick wall. Emblazoned across the men’s genitals were the words “Education = Success.” I couldn’t agree more, so I tore open the cellophane and popped a chip in my mouth. It was adequate. Sort of like Lay’s. I frowned and studied the bag some more.
“BBD? These guys haven’t put out an album in like a decade.”
“Maybe they’re making a comeback,” said Terry.
“No way. Not BBD.”
“It’s possible.”
“No it isn’t!”
Luckily, Rap Snacks anticipated this sort of argument. The back of each bag features a short bio of the artist featured on the front. As it turns out, BBD is back. According to the bag, “BBD’s new single ‘Da Hot shit (Aight)’ is taking radio airwaves everywhere by storm.” Is it? I ran to the radio and turned it on. There it was! Usher, featuring Lil’ John. So I waited, through Nelly and Outkast, Petey Pablo and Lil’ Kim, David Banner and Bonecrusher. No BBD. Disappointed, I scarfed down the rest of the chips, rinsed out the bag, and hung it on my refrigerator with a pug magnet. And there it stays. Soon I’ll add Lil’ Romeo’s “Bar-B-Quing with my Honey” and Mack 10’s “Red Hot Cheddar,” until one day, I will have consumed the entire hip-hop community. Not a great snack, but definitely a great conversation piece."
and for a first hand viewing of the product --behold!