Where's my Emotional Stunt Double?
My old friend Robin...who probably knows me better than a lot of people who read my journal do. I'm beginning to think that's why we don't talk anymore. made a great point once. We were in the car and we were listening to a Kylie Minogue song on my MP3 player. Robin joked, saying something that stuck in my head as: "You think she's singing to you, don't you?"
Oh, Robin you were right. Tonight I get reminded of that as I listen to another Kylie song. Kylie Minogue's songs about love (well, her old "horny-corny" stuff) are the only things that I know to soothe the hopeless romantic tendencies and sexual frustration that is life as a Kendrick. On Friday night, a day that will live in some infamy from now on - I got the first strike of the evening because I bowled to a Kylie song. :)
Tuesday. It's been a tough day. I've been thinking too much about love lately. Over the weekend I've cried over the phone because of my inability to express myself meaningfully to someone who really does care about me as a person. I was betrayed by someone else in the most horrible way possible. While in class I was trying hard to work, but I don't know how girls know how to do this. Maybe it's all in my head. But one girl somehow picked up on just how vulnerable I was feeling, and just talked to me while I was working. I told her I was going to miss being around her in class. She said that was sweet. By the end of the conversation...I was terrified. I knew I could easily have a crush on her, and she was really just trying to be nice. I don't even know why. Well scratch that last statement, I guess I always assume that everyone else has some greater plan to what they do. Maybe I was just there and I'm a SUPER NICE PERSON (TM), so people know I will listen to them without judging them.
Tonight I spent two hours working with Hayley, a girl who I used to really want to be with. I thought there was a lot more to her than what I saw on the surface. I was right, actually. However, the person I'm getting to see more & more glimpses of wouldn't have any time for a guy like me. Well, in a relationship way. Maybe I'll make some more friends.
We worked on our Makeup/Costume design projects. I methodically and painfully tortured out some prize work, while she blitzed through. I finished two costumes and barely said more than three sentences, most of anything I said was trying to help her. I puzzled over how to explain her how to come up with her last three costume designs. What of her guy friends showed up and acted how I expect guys to act.
He had that air of cool disdain, unquestioned confidence, and polite but not overbearing interest that I had come to expect of men who are simply not me. I used to associate that with just being straight, but I don't even know what it means now. In my heart, I just associate it with guys who are better at being guys than I'll ever know how to be. He knew when to speak and when to stay silent, and how to play the fact that there was another guy there. At the sound of his words, I was a devoted artist and hard worker. I could be a little quiet archetype lurking in the asexual corner. Hooray.
Gosh...I'm so paranoid. That's the way it goes when there is just wtwo nights till the end of the world. Let's have a toast.
Oh, Robin you were right. Tonight I get reminded of that as I listen to another Kylie song. Kylie Minogue's songs about love (well, her old "horny-corny" stuff) are the only things that I know to soothe the hopeless romantic tendencies and sexual frustration that is life as a Kendrick. On Friday night, a day that will live in some infamy from now on - I got the first strike of the evening because I bowled to a Kylie song. :)
Tuesday. It's been a tough day. I've been thinking too much about love lately. Over the weekend I've cried over the phone because of my inability to express myself meaningfully to someone who really does care about me as a person. I was betrayed by someone else in the most horrible way possible. While in class I was trying hard to work, but I don't know how girls know how to do this. Maybe it's all in my head. But one girl somehow picked up on just how vulnerable I was feeling, and just talked to me while I was working. I told her I was going to miss being around her in class. She said that was sweet. By the end of the conversation...I was terrified. I knew I could easily have a crush on her, and she was really just trying to be nice. I don't even know why. Well scratch that last statement, I guess I always assume that everyone else has some greater plan to what they do. Maybe I was just there and I'm a SUPER NICE PERSON (TM), so people know I will listen to them without judging them.
Tonight I spent two hours working with Hayley, a girl who I used to really want to be with. I thought there was a lot more to her than what I saw on the surface. I was right, actually. However, the person I'm getting to see more & more glimpses of wouldn't have any time for a guy like me. Well, in a relationship way. Maybe I'll make some more friends.
We worked on our Makeup/Costume design projects. I methodically and painfully tortured out some prize work, while she blitzed through. I finished two costumes and barely said more than three sentences, most of anything I said was trying to help her. I puzzled over how to explain her how to come up with her last three costume designs. What of her guy friends showed up and acted how I expect guys to act.
He had that air of cool disdain, unquestioned confidence, and polite but not overbearing interest that I had come to expect of men who are simply not me. I used to associate that with just being straight, but I don't even know what it means now. In my heart, I just associate it with guys who are better at being guys than I'll ever know how to be. He knew when to speak and when to stay silent, and how to play the fact that there was another guy there. At the sound of his words, I was a devoted artist and hard worker. I could be a little quiet archetype lurking in the asexual corner. Hooray.
Gosh...I'm so paranoid. That's the way it goes when there is just wtwo nights till the end of the world. Let's have a toast.