if only it were true...
Before you ask, this is a fake news article I wrote for my school paper. I wrote it after hearing the words "chill" and "true" used 37 times more than necessary in a single day. If wherever you go to school has the same problem, you will know where I'm coming from. If your school has other words that plague every conversation...fill them in yourselves. Enjoy:
“True”, “Chill” Removed, Webster Explains
Desperate bid to save the English language
Reversing its previous policy of adding slang and new words to each new edition, Miriam-Webster has instead made a startling decision to remove several words. Among the offending words are “true” and “chill”. When reached for comment, a Webster representative explained that, “The use of the English language has greatly deteriorated in recent years among the younger generation. The company has made a concerted effort to force these children to seek out other, alternative words to complete their conversation.”
Student reactions to the decision are mixed. Senior Matt Skibinski was enthusiastic, now that he can, “have an intelligent conversation while in school.” Others, however, are not as pleased with this revelation. One anonymous student seemed quite unhappy, saying “They can’t tell me how to talk. If I wanna talk the way I talk, I’ll talk the way I talk. They can’t stop me from talking…you know what I’m saying?” Actually, no, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
But the decision may result in unforeseen consequences. Both the history and science departments in the school have expressed dismay at the need to redo many of their tests. Chemistry teacher Steve Trivino reflected on the situation, noting, “I guess we could switch over to a correct/incorrect test format.” How will this affect the students taking the tests? “It’s not really a problem, as long as we can still cheat on them,” admitted one student. It seems the change will solely inconvenience a handful of teachers.
Miriam-Webster is apolgetic to anyone who may be inadvertently inconvenienced by the change. Those who actually need the exiled words for school or work have been advised to use “refrigerate” and “correct” instead.
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Feel free to comment and make suggestions to make it funnier.
“True”, “Chill” Removed, Webster Explains
Desperate bid to save the English language
Reversing its previous policy of adding slang and new words to each new edition, Miriam-Webster has instead made a startling decision to remove several words. Among the offending words are “true” and “chill”. When reached for comment, a Webster representative explained that, “The use of the English language has greatly deteriorated in recent years among the younger generation. The company has made a concerted effort to force these children to seek out other, alternative words to complete their conversation.”
Student reactions to the decision are mixed. Senior Matt Skibinski was enthusiastic, now that he can, “have an intelligent conversation while in school.” Others, however, are not as pleased with this revelation. One anonymous student seemed quite unhappy, saying “They can’t tell me how to talk. If I wanna talk the way I talk, I’ll talk the way I talk. They can’t stop me from talking…you know what I’m saying?” Actually, no, I have no idea what you’re talking about.
But the decision may result in unforeseen consequences. Both the history and science departments in the school have expressed dismay at the need to redo many of their tests. Chemistry teacher Steve Trivino reflected on the situation, noting, “I guess we could switch over to a correct/incorrect test format.” How will this affect the students taking the tests? “It’s not really a problem, as long as we can still cheat on them,” admitted one student. It seems the change will solely inconvenience a handful of teachers.
Miriam-Webster is apolgetic to anyone who may be inadvertently inconvenienced by the change. Those who actually need the exiled words for school or work have been advised to use “refrigerate” and “correct” instead.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Feel free to comment and make suggestions to make it funnier.