A black rant for a black heart
hmmmm wow...I never knew that not having sports in my life would make me so depressed...Last night I was up all night crying....then I had a cursed dream but oh well...that seems to be my life...last night I put a pen in my hand and just let my heart write and with out thinking I worte a poem...that made my mom cry... I wanted to waer black today, but mom wouldn't let me, so I listened to the matrix reloaded sound track all day while shopping for my friends bridal shower...it was fun...but hard....I kept watching the clock ready for practice and then when it was time to go I just sat ina chair..and cried...Gosh I miss it so much....they cut me because I was a senior! I was just like...well I put on a smile and acceptedit...Mary was crying while she cut me so I had to smile... then I was going ot be the manager of varsity and coach for freshman and setting, but my parents won't let me...so now it is completely gone from my life andit is hard...I hurt...my heart does at least... ha ha! I'm crying now! How pathetic is that?
The bridal shower went well. We did a toilet paper dress thing and then we did a memorization game then after that we identified candels, then finally they opened presents. While she was opening presents I had to write down every word that she said. I was crazy! I had to write sooo fast!!! lol.
All that's on my mind at the moment is how much i miss Josh...and volleyball....I devoted my fucking summer to that sport and what do I get?? YOu're a senior so we are going ot let you go...so anyway if any of you are interested here's the poem I wrote http://allpoetry.com/Poem/1472249 ...anyway I devoted my whole summer to them I went to camps, and conditioning and open gyms,....if i had known that due to my seniority I would get cut I wouldn't have even tried...I got one week of vacation...one week...now...now all I have is memories...of being screwed over....
That one line....that one fucking line... I know get to devote my life to school and hopefully a job...I've had two people ask me to come work for them, so I might take them up on that...
I find that I can drown my sorrows with a lot of music...Have any of you ever listened to the matrix reloaded sound track??? very nice music when I'm upset...I wanted to wear black all day so now that it's night I am. Black everything, make up cloths, blakc like the shade my heart has turned after yesterday, the dead heart that they ripped out. I attempted to put it back in but fail, and now it is balck...at least towards Kennewick...God, Friends, Family, and Josh....they are all that I care about...the only things that I love....Josh is amazing, he has helped so much. I am enteranlly greatful for him. Anyway I would be greatly honored to have any of you uys read that poem and tell me what you think...that is if any of you actaully are reading this....but then who cares about caroline anymore... I'm going to go for now
The bridal shower went well. We did a toilet paper dress thing and then we did a memorization game then after that we identified candels, then finally they opened presents. While she was opening presents I had to write down every word that she said. I was crazy! I had to write sooo fast!!! lol.
All that's on my mind at the moment is how much i miss Josh...and volleyball....I devoted my fucking summer to that sport and what do I get?? YOu're a senior so we are going ot let you go...so anyway if any of you are interested here's the poem I wrote http://allpoetry.com/Poem/1472249 ...anyway I devoted my whole summer to them I went to camps, and conditioning and open gyms,....if i had known that due to my seniority I would get cut I wouldn't have even tried...I got one week of vacation...one week...now...now all I have is memories...of being screwed over....
That one line....that one fucking line... I know get to devote my life to school and hopefully a job...I've had two people ask me to come work for them, so I might take them up on that...
I find that I can drown my sorrows with a lot of music...Have any of you ever listened to the matrix reloaded sound track??? very nice music when I'm upset...I wanted to wear black all day so now that it's night I am. Black everything, make up cloths, blakc like the shade my heart has turned after yesterday, the dead heart that they ripped out. I attempted to put it back in but fail, and now it is balck...at least towards Kennewick...God, Friends, Family, and Josh....they are all that I care about...the only things that I love....Josh is amazing, he has helped so much. I am enteranlly greatful for him. Anyway I would be greatly honored to have any of you uys read that poem and tell me what you think...that is if any of you actaully are reading this....but then who cares about caroline anymore... I'm going to go for now