Confirmation
Before I ever knew God, life was filled with fears and uncertainties. Not only was I drowned with the distractions and temptations that were all around me, I was also filled with my own personal and selfish ambitions. Driven to my own flesh and thoughts, I often succumb to actions that were inconsiderate and self-centred. Not knowing what the future holds, I would try to take things into my own hands. That would mean wanting to have control of my own life, doing things the way I want to do.
I felt that I was always searching for a certain something. A kind of joy and contentment that was difficult to be satisfied. Whether be it through relationships or temporal financial gains through my bouts of gambling exploits. I came to the realization that everyone was indeed looking for God’s love with all that they do - just some at the wrong places and with the wrong people.
But God have been faithful. His unfailing love chases me down, and the fear I know had to meet the God I knew. Whilst I was dead in my sins, was not the Christian I was supposed to be, barely even knowing God, he planted his people and angels around me. More importantly, Christ had been there all along.
I was attending church, but I never really had a personal relationship with God. The word was there, and there were umpteen biblical resources that I could turn to, but I never read the word.
But nevertheless, God ministered to me through family and friends that he had placed around me. Through acts of love and kindness. Through practical actions and advices. And it was a painstaking journey they my family had to witness the transformation and metamorphosis that God had to work in and through my life. There was just too many things to be broken down within my life. And there was just so much brokenness that needs to be repaired. My pride, my ego, my self-righteousness had to be torn away from me. I had to be humbled and be brought to a place of guilt and repentance of the sins and transgressions that I have committed against God. And it was only by the grace of God that my sanity was preserved, and I was spiritually lifted when I turn to Christ.
The breakthrough came when I decided to honour God with my time (and life). I knew I was imperfect. Never will I be sinless. Only when I went to the word that I learnt the attributes of God and how he has been faithful to generations after generations. I knew Jesus had all authority over my life. I was no longer bounded to the sins of yesterday, and God’s resurrection power through Christ was in me as I stand victoriously as a child of God. I had to make a stand and claim these promises of God.
What started to fill my life changed tremendously despite going to church for over half a decade was when I started drawing closer to God through his word. There were days when I felt unworthy to approach God’s throne of grace. But I knew it was a spiritual battle, and I could only pray for God’s armour in Ephesians to be upon me. I resonated with Paul’s authentic and genuine struggles. And I long to have a heart like David’s to be chasing after God’s heart.
These days, I find comfort in God’s word and promises. I am thankful that through Jesus, guided by the Holy Spirit, I am able to communicate freely, praying to the God almighty, creator of the heaven and earth.
To God be the glory, forever and ever. Amen.