(no subject)
I am just so entertianed. I was procrastinating a econ quiz and so i was cutting things out of some Cosmoish type magazine. Besides the obviously airbrushed models..i was losing my mind laughing. Does anyone really READ what these things are telling us. Let me enlighten you on some of the choice sentances i found.
In a section named- "Secret Facts about Men" You'd think i'd learn mind blowing things but,no joke..this is what is in this section
-I pick my nose sometimes..when no one's looking. (welll, darlin' i would hope you wouldn't pick it out in the open, that's not very sexy at all..)
-Before i go to bed at night i CHECK FOR MONSTERS UNDER THE BED.(This is that man who's going to protect you from that axe murderer in the closet, you're better off with a baseball bat)
-I'm too lazy to do my laundry, so i have a special drawer for it. I call it my "magic drawer" because if i leave my clothes in there..they seem cleaner in a couple days. (Yeah girls..that nice manly scent we love..what if it came out of a MAGIC DRAWER?!! Mmm..let me snuggle up to THAT!!)
-I bite my toenails. (You're kissing that. That's all i have to say)
And my personal favorite:
I speak to my cats exclusivly in spanish. (You do what? Hola Gata, como estes? Tienes un plato de fish? Oh man..oh man..this makes me laugh. Just picture your boy walking around 1-talking to his cat. and 2-talking to it in spanish. Hahhaa!)
Let's see what else i learned reading this.
Ok-this section was names: Sex tips through the decades for YOU. This article had me laughing all alone in my living room. These were some of the "spark a new sex life" suggestions.
1) Right from 1968, the Big Toe to Do. It's every bit as awful as it sounds. "Here, a man stimulates his partners clitorus with HIS BIG TOE." I'd just like to thank playboy for introducing this technique. (WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?)
2)Coming out the swingin' 70's.. The ARMPIT Job. Much like any other job, except it's in a woman's unshaved armpit. From the Joy of Sex, and i quote "With his penis under her right arm, the couple applies friction to the man's shaft." There are so many things wrong with this. I can't even comment.
3)The Crab. This one is thanks to the Karma Sutra rage of the 1990s. I'm not actually sure what you do. But it has somthing to do with crab soccer in my head. Plus, any sexual position named anything close to an STD can't be fantastic. It just boggles the mind.
There were a couple more..but the worst part about this horrible article was that they had 4..yes 4 couples (that's 8 consenting adults) trying these things out. And then their picture, and their up to 5 STAR RATING FOR EACH POSITION was published. "Hey mom..look, i'm in a national magazine for Lord knows what." Yeah..we're a pretty moral country.
I'm gonna go speak to my roommate exclusivly in spanish now.
In a section named- "Secret Facts about Men" You'd think i'd learn mind blowing things but,no joke..this is what is in this section
-I pick my nose sometimes..when no one's looking. (welll, darlin' i would hope you wouldn't pick it out in the open, that's not very sexy at all..)
-Before i go to bed at night i CHECK FOR MONSTERS UNDER THE BED.(This is that man who's going to protect you from that axe murderer in the closet, you're better off with a baseball bat)
-I'm too lazy to do my laundry, so i have a special drawer for it. I call it my "magic drawer" because if i leave my clothes in there..they seem cleaner in a couple days. (Yeah girls..that nice manly scent we love..what if it came out of a MAGIC DRAWER?!! Mmm..let me snuggle up to THAT!!)
-I bite my toenails. (You're kissing that. That's all i have to say)
And my personal favorite:
I speak to my cats exclusivly in spanish. (You do what? Hola Gata, como estes? Tienes un plato de fish? Oh man..oh man..this makes me laugh. Just picture your boy walking around 1-talking to his cat. and 2-talking to it in spanish. Hahhaa!)
Let's see what else i learned reading this.
Ok-this section was names: Sex tips through the decades for YOU. This article had me laughing all alone in my living room. These were some of the "spark a new sex life" suggestions.
1) Right from 1968, the Big Toe to Do. It's every bit as awful as it sounds. "Here, a man stimulates his partners clitorus with HIS BIG TOE." I'd just like to thank playboy for introducing this technique. (WHAT THE HELL WERE THEY THINKING?!?!?)
2)Coming out the swingin' 70's.. The ARMPIT Job. Much like any other job, except it's in a woman's unshaved armpit. From the Joy of Sex, and i quote "With his penis under her right arm, the couple applies friction to the man's shaft." There are so many things wrong with this. I can't even comment.
3)The Crab. This one is thanks to the Karma Sutra rage of the 1990s. I'm not actually sure what you do. But it has somthing to do with crab soccer in my head. Plus, any sexual position named anything close to an STD can't be fantastic. It just boggles the mind.
There were a couple more..but the worst part about this horrible article was that they had 4..yes 4 couples (that's 8 consenting adults) trying these things out. And then their picture, and their up to 5 STAR RATING FOR EACH POSITION was published. "Hey mom..look, i'm in a national magazine for Lord knows what." Yeah..we're a pretty moral country.
I'm gonna go speak to my roommate exclusivly in spanish now.