"If At First You Don't Succeed." (Les Miserables) R
Title: If At First You Don't Succeed. (On Archive Of Our Own)
Author:
lannamichaels
Fandom: Les Miserables
Series: Permets-Tu
Pairing: Enjolras/Grantaire
Rating: R
A/N: For my Kink Bingo Round 6 "Held Down" square and my Trope Bingo Round 2 "Bets / Wagers" square.
Summary: Enjolras is going to learn to enjoy anal or die trying.
Enjolras is going to learn to enjoy anal or die trying. Things get better with practice; ergo, he just has to practice more.
"Oh my god, you need to stop," Grantaire moans. "Enjolras, seriously, it's not a big deal."
Yeah, that's bullshit.
"It's so not." Grantaire's got two fingers in Enjolras's ass by now, so his opinion is invalid. "This isn't a competition. It's not some kind of test! You don't get points off for not filling in all the boxes."
"Anal sex should not be this complicated," Enjolras points out, raising his hips a little. It does feel good, in a weird sort of way that still probably counts as 'good'. But that's not the point. When he does this for Grantaire, Grantaire's essentially incoherent by this point; Enjolras is mentally working through his shopping list for the week. And the problem can't be with Grantaire, because when Grantaire fingers himself, he isn't actually kind of bored. Enjolras is beginning to wonder if he just has a defective ass.
"I'm beginning to understand why you were complaining about consent when we got together," Grantaire says. He twists his fingers and, oh, that feels good. That feels really good. Maybe Enjolras is getting the hang of this. ...Or maybe not. Damn, what happened? "Because I know you're consenting, but your reasons for doing it are stupid. Fuck, at least my reasons are selfish. Who knew I'd appreciate selfishness over your mind-body whatever, seriously, Enjolras, stop thinking about this and start enjoying this. I'm feeling very inadequate."
"You're doing just fine," Enjolras says.
"Very inadequate," Grantaire stresses. "I think my dick is shriveling up just from the proximity to this inadequateness."
Enjolras can't see Grantaire's dick from here, but he highly doubts it's doing any such thing. "Sure."
"It is," Grantaire insists. His fingers are being careful, which Enjolras appreciates, but it's... it's weird. Not unpleasant weird, but still weird. There are moments where Enjolras understands why Grantaire loves this so much, but the rest of the time, it's just, oh. There are fingers up his ass. Oh. It's weird and awkward and uncomfortable and then every so often, it's not. But mostly it is.
He should find a better way of saying that before telling Grantaire, though. He doesn't want to set Grantaire off again.
Grantaire sighs. "Okay, this is not working. Permission to pull out?"
"Permission denied," Enjolras says. "Keep going, I'm not done experimenting yet." He clenches down around Grantaire's fingers and is rewarded by Grantaire hissing sharply. "Fuck me, boy. Make it good. Put your wrist into it."
And Grantaire does. He really does. And it's good, honestly it's good. Good, fine, maybe even great, but this could be so much better. And it's not. That's a problem.
Enjolras sighs.
Grantaire stops.
"Are we done?" Grantaire asks hopefully.
"No." Enjolras turns his head and rests his cheek on the pillow. "Okay, new plan. You can pull out now."
"Thank you." Grantaire pulls his fingers out and wipes his hand on the towel. "No offense, Enjolras, but I think we've conclusively proven that you do not like this."
Enjolras rolls over and pushes himself up. He opens the night stand drawer, pulls out a condom, and tosses it at Grantaire. "We've ruled out one position and mode of penetration, so we're going to try another one. You're going to hold me down and fuck me. I know you love the idea of it, of being on the bottom, and it sounds great to me, too. I really love the sound of it. I bet that'll be better."
Grantaire's face is doing complicated things. Enjolras loves him, but at times like this, he really doesn't understand him. "Yeah?" Grantaire eventually says. "Bet what?"
Enjolras shrugs. "What kind of stakes are you interested in?"
"Um." Grantaire pokes at the condom, but doesn't open it. "Okay, if I win, then we table this for... for two months. And by this, I mean anything you do because you think you're insufficiently sexually-experienced. No, sorry, that's being inexact. What I mean is, anything you are really not into, but that you still feel you have to do so you can get experience points. I'm open to trying new things, I'm always open to that, and sexual experimentation is great, I'm always on board. But this is not sexual experimentation, this is masochism. And not even the fun kind of masochism, with the whips and the chains and the bruises, those are awesome things and not things that make me feel like we're just having sex so you can check things off of a list. I feel like you're trying to prove a negative here, Enjolras, and you really don't have to do that. You can have a preference, you can just plain not enjoy being penetrated, without having to rule out every single kind of penetration just to make sure."
"But how can I know I don't like penetration in general when it could just be the couple ways we've tried it?" Enjolras asks. "I don't want to decide not to try all kinds of things that I could really love just because I didn't like a couple things that were somewhat like it."
"Your ass is not that complicated," Grantaire says. "But anyway, those are my terms. If I win, I get two months without having to fuck you-- that sounds really bizarre. Wow. But you know what I mean."
"You don't have to do anything," Enjolras feels like he should point out. Just in case Grantaire's feeling pressured into this. Enjolras knows Grantaire feels selfish about doing this, because Grantaire, at least, really loves it when he gets parts of his body inside Enjolras. Selfish is fine, pressured isn't.
"And you don't, either," Grantaire says. "Again, not a race, not a competition, the world will not end if you decide you're not a bottom."
Of course the world won't end. But stakes don't need to be high to be worth it. But Enjolras will concede the point. "Okay. And if I win, you stop blowing me off and start letting us have serious conversations about moving in together."
Grantaire whimpers.
"I am completely serious," Enjolras adds.
"Ugh," Grantaire says. "Okay, fine, I'll accept those terms. But," he says, pointing his finger at Enjolras, "you have to be bluntly honest in your assessment of getting fucked. No throwing the game just because you want to win."
"Same to you," Enjolras says. "No intentionally trying to not satisfy me."
"Those are not nearly the same things," Grantaire says. "I enjoy penetrating your ass. Meanwhile, you're trying to will yourself into liking anal through the sheer force of your stubbornness. But I have conditions."
Enjolras nods. He'd expected that.
"Condition the first," Grantaire says, counting off on his fingers, "no way in hell am I even close to being in charge. I will hold you down, but under no circumstance will I take any initiative. If you want me to do something, you order me to do it, and I obey you."
"Okay," Enjolras says.
Grantaire holds out a second finger. "Condition the second, I'm not hurting you. I'm not a sadist, you're not a masochist, there will not be any pain. If there's any pain, I need you to promise me you'll tell me so I can stop hurting you. I don't consent to doing anything that causes you actual pain."
"What about discomfort due to the physical act itself?" Enjolras asks.
Grantaire grimaces. "Okay, I am trusting you to know the difference and to be honest about it. Because I trust you. So you'll be honest about it and then we'll stop if it hurts, but, fine, discomfort is okay, so long as it doesn't last. If all you're feeling is discomfort, then that's not good and you should tell me to stop, because I am really not interested in making this bad for you, so if it's not being good for you, then even though I might be enjoying it, that's not good enough. Okay?"
Enjolras nods. "Conditions accepted. Do you have any more?"
"One more," Grantaire says. "Don't be quiet. Okay? If you get quiet, I am going to panic."
Oh, shit. Enjolras reaches for Grantaire. "Is that on your radar right now? Do you need me to stop pushing?" If so, then this ends now. That's not a risk Enjolras is willing to take. Not with something like this.
"No, pushing's fine," Grantaire says. He lets Enjolras stroke his arm. "The pushing's okay, honestly, but I really need to not be in charge if I'm doing something like physically dominating you. I need it to be submitting by dominating you, or however that would work, I don't care. But I need everything to be because you want it. This is something I do for you, so I might be using my weight advantage to my, um, advantage, and I might have you down on the bed, and I might be fucking you, but it's actually you fucking me, or even, you fucking yourself while using me to do it. Both of those are good. Both of those are very good. But I'm not the one holding you down and fucking you-- I'm not doing it because I'm the dominant and you're the submissive. We're not switching roles here. Oh, fuck, one more condition, sorry. Condition four, you don't struggle. At all. Because that's going to send a signal to me, a very strong one, that you don't actually want this. And don't, um, don't go quiet. Really, don't go quiet. Don't go quiet and don't struggle. Just, you be in charge. Tell me what to do. Good orders, clear and strong orders. Those, I can obey. Those, I want to obey. But don't try to fight me, because that would really freak me out, sir. Let's not do that."
"I won't," Enjolras promises. "It'll be clear and simple, I'll coach you through everything. It'll be exactly how I want it. Would you like that?"
Grantaire nods. "Yes, please. Because you know how I want it: I want you. And I don't want you thinking about how I'd like it. That's for some other time. That's not for this. This needs to, I need this to be, entirely about you. Because this is about proving a point to you. I'll make it as good for you as I can, I really will, but when you absolutely hate this, Enjolras, that is all on you. It's not because I'm bad at fucking, it's just that you don't like getting fucked."
"I'm sure you're excellent at fucking," Enjolras reassures him. "I wouldn't try this if I wasn't confident in your abilities to pleasure me."
"Yeah, yeah, you think my magic dick will cure you of whatever it is that makes this awkward for you, except, oh, right, we've already put my magic dick in your ass, and you still weren't that interested."
"But that was a different way," Enjolras says. "I think this time, it'll work. Wasn't that your suggestion in the first place, me lying face down on the bed and telling you how to fuck me? So that's what we're going to do. You were right, I was wrong."
"Can I pre-emptively use that to change your mind about this?" Grantaire asks. Enjolras just looks at him. Grantaire sighs. "Worth a shot." He rubs at his eyes. "Okay, I'm ready to time in to the scene. On your mark."
Enjolras kisses him.
It always works well to get Grantaire in the mood and today's no different. Grantaire whimpers as Enjolras takes control of him, fucks his mouth with his tongue, and grips his biceps tightly. His fingernails dig into Grantaire's skin. "You're going to fuck me, boy," he growls into Grantaire's ear. He strokes up and down Grantaire's arms, pressing his fingers in as he goes. Then he finds Grantaire's hips and starts drawing circles with his thumbs. "You're going to hold me in place and fuck me. And you're going to make it good. Understand?"
Grantaire nods desperately as Enjolras nibbles at his ear lobe and then bites down. Grantaire's hands have found their way to behind his back. Good boy.
"Good boy," Enjolras murmurs. "My very good boy. I'm going to want your hands on me, but for now, keep those there."
He straddles Grantaire's legs and kisses him again. Grantaire's hands break apart so Grantaire can brace himself back against the bed and hold himself up as Enjolras presses him down. Enjolras rubs his ass against Grantaire's cock and then pulls back. Grantaire whimpers and opens his eyes.
Enjolras makes sure Grantaire has a good view as Enjolras grabs the lube from the side of the bed and picks up the condom from near Grantaire's knee.
"Spread your legs wider," Enjolras orders, and then sits between them after Grantaire obeys. "Good boy." Enjolras doesn't even try to make the prep good for Grantaire, just gets his cock ready as quickly and efficiently as possible. But Grantaire likes that sort of thing, likes what it does to his head, and Enjolras is deliberately taking advantage of that.
He slaps Grantaire's thigh. "Up," he says, and gets out of the way so Grantaire can move. Enjolras wipes his hands on the towel and then runs his fingers through his hair, pulling it away from where it was getting into his face. He really needs a haircut. "Still with me?" he asks Grantaire.
"Yes, sir," Grantaire says. He's sitting back on his heels at the end of the bed, looking nervous, and Enjolras crawls almost on top of him and kisses him again.
"Touch me," Enjolras murmurs against Grantaire's lips, then nibbles gently on Grantaire's bottom lip for him. He tugs. "Put your hands on my thighs. Don't you dare be gentle."
Grantaire only hesitates a moment before obeying and then he's got his hands wrapped around Enjolras's thighs. Enjolras shifts and lets Grantaire get a better grip. Grantaire's holding tight and looking down, staring at his fingers digging into Enjolras's muscles, and Enjolras takes the opportunity to start biting Grantaire's neck.
"Oh my god," Grantaire says quietly, and then he very carefully holds himself perfectly still as Enjolras has fun exploring Grantaire's neck. With his teeth. "Oh my god oh my god oh my god."
"Acceptable," Enjolras says. "Now I want you to flip me over. However you like, but do it quickly-- oh," Enjolras says, finding himself face down on the bed. He squirms. "Thank you, boy, that was excellent."
Grantaire's half on top of him, breathing hard. "S-sir," he starts.
"Give me a color," Enjolras orders, grabbing one of the pillows and putting it under his head.
"Um, green," Grantaire says, and then he shifts a bit, getting more on top of Enjolras. He's still hard, Enjolras notes. Good. This is going splendidly. "Very green, that was actually kind of fun. Not that I'm saying you were right, but, um, we can do that more, that part I like."
"Good," Enjolras says. "I want to feel you now. Hold me down securely. I'm not struggling, I'm testing that you're obeying my orders to a satisfactory level. Understood?"
There's a pause, probably Grantaire nodding and then realizing that Enjolras can't see him, before he says, "yes, sir, understood." He moves some more and his grip changes. It's a lot more secure.
Enjolras revels in the feel of Grantaire against him, holding him, obeying him, before he says, "remember, this is not me trying to get away," and then tries to get away.
He can't. Grantaire's too good for that.
Enjolras squirms happily, loving how secure this feels, Grantaire all around him, Grantaire pressing him down, Grantaire holding him in place. "Mmmm. Good boy. Feels so good."
"I'm not smushing you, am I?" Grantaire asks and he shifts a little and, okay, that's a little uncomfortable, that's a bit too much weight, yeah. But it's in good cause, Enjolras realizes, as Grantaire's cock lines up with Enjolras's ass.
"Nope," Enjolras says. He takes a deep breath. "Fuck me now, Grantaire."
"Oh lord," Grantaire mutters, but then he's pushing in, his breath hitching and his weight shifting on Enjolras and Enjolras takes the time to get his arms into a less-awkward position. They probably would have fallen asleep before, but this is better.
This is actually really great, Enjolras realizes. Oh, not the fucking, that's-- well, he'll give that a few more minutes for Grantaire to stop being so nervous. But Grantaire all around him, that's fantastic. He's never felt Grantaire this well, his breath so close, covering Enjolras so well. Like everything he'll ever need is right here and he'll never have to move.
"Move," he orders. "Fuck me," he clarifies when Grantaire starts to push away. "Comprehensively."
"As opposed to?" Grantaire wants to know, and then Enjolras starts to tell him. Tells him exactly how to fuck him, and he's not even sure what he's saying, but Grantaire's got a rhythm now, he's picked up his pace, and Enjolras closes his eyes and breathes deeply, and it's not bad, it's actually pretty good, or, at least, he's confident it'll get there, Grantaire's good at this, he really is, but--
Goddammit, there's still a but.
"No, keep going," he says when Grantaire slows down.
Grantaire sighs. "Enjolras, one of us is tapping out. If you won't, then I'm going to. Okay? You're so fucking tense, it's-- yeah, we're stopping now." And then he pulls out and grabs his underwear from the floor and pulls it on awkwardly.
Enjolras rubs his eyes. "Well, shit."
"Here, let me," Grantaire says, and he kisses Enjolras shoulder and helps him sit up. "Breathe a bit?"
"I'm okay," Enjolras insists. He is. Honestly. "Honestly, I'm okay."
"If you're okay," Grantaire says, "then this is the part where I say I told you so."
"You did," Enjolras agrees. "This is so frustrating. I like the idea of getting fucked. Why can't my body just conform to my expectations? This would be so much easier if it would just do what I want it to."
"Yeah, I know exactly how that feels," Grantaire says.
Enjolras sighs. "Yeah. Fuck."
Grantaire kisses his neck. Enjolras feels Grantaire's lips curve into a smile. "And now we don't have to do this for two months," Grantaire says happily. "Yay. I vote that you just fuck me a lot to make this up to me. Plan?"
Enjolras can't argue with that. "Plan."
This entry was originally posted at http://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/779839.html.