Yuletide Fic: "The Top 9 Trends To Bring Back In 2022!" (JS&MN) G
Title: The Top 9 Trends To Bring Back In 2022! (On Archive Of Our Own)
Author:
lannamichaels
Fandom: Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell - Susanna Clarke
Rating: G
Recipient:
singlecrow
Summary: The last one won't shock you!
As our old year fades into the new, it is time once more to look ahead. It will be a year of new beginnings, and, crucially, new re-beginnings. Yes, that's right, it's time for the annual list of trends that must, yes, I say must, be revived in 2022. I've canvassed only the most insightful and wise people of my acquaintance (read: my twitter followers) and we've come up with 9 fantastic trends that will improve 2022 for one and all, for all and one.
Let's make 2022 magical.
Let the trends commence!
1. Play Raven King Roulette.
When was the last time you went into a dark room, spun around five times, and then stared hard into a corner and strained to see something? Were you six at the time? You were probably six at the time.
Just like peering into a bathroom mirror and chanting creepy words, this is something we all mostly put behind ourselves by puberty. It's not like it's real magic, we always stress. It's just scary stories for children. Right? Isn't it? You're not really going to see the Raven King in your pantry. Bloody Mary isn't in your washroom.
But shadows and glass are all magical pathways. We know this, so why do we stop?
The next time you're hanging out with your friends, bring out a compact mirror from your purse and do the magic again. Let's bring back the glory days of childhood, when magic was romantic, and not something you need to memorize and quantify for your exams.
2. Use Catherine's Cradle As A Temporary Hair Dye.
In 1133, Catherine of Winchester invented a ribbon spell to change her hair color to (what sounds to us to be) a glowing neon green streaked with vibrant purple. The manuscripts are all 1) lost; 2) damaged; 3) in Norrell's library; 4) allegorical; 5) all of the above, so we don't actually know for sure what it did for her, but we do have her spell.
The downsides of it? Well, it doesn't last. If you're going to dye your hair, you want it to last more than five minutes, don't you?
Of course not. Having wild colored hair for five minutes is an opportunity.
I'm not saying do it at your next job interview, but definitely do it on your next date! Make Catherine of Winchester proud and bring that spontaneity to your dinner and a movie!
3. Learn A New Language Via Time Capsules.
Everyone knows that if you bury a book under an oak tree on a full moon, when you dig it back up in a year and a day, it'll be written in a language you can't read.
But a language "you can't read" is quitter talk.
Write out a basic dictionary. Keep a copy for yourself. Then go burying with abandon! 2022 is the year we prepare to learn new languages in 2023.
4. Start Marrying The Raven King Again.
Did you know that you can marry the Raven King in absentia? It was all the rage during periods of the disappearance. At first it was only young widows who would symbolically marry a vanished king to replace a mortal man. It was a pretty dramatic way of saying they'd never marry again, so stop asking, the answer was never going to change. Later on, it was single women who'd marry him, for similar reasons. For a couple years there, there was even a trend to publicly divorce him, as if to say, if you want to argue against this divorce, show yourself!
He never showed himself.
Why did this stop? Well, stories started getting around about disasters during those divorcing ceremonies. No records survive of what, in fact, happened, if anything actually did, and you can't trust children's rhymes to be accurate. But maybe let's not divorce the Raven King anymore anyway, just in case those children's rhymes are accurate.
But why not marry him? I love a good wedding.
5. Build Your Own Map With Wood Shavings.
Remember the last time your GPS sputtered out near the university because someone inside was messing around with physics again? Remember all the new swear words you invented while trying to figure out how to make a three-point-turn inside a mobius loop?
This isn't a new problem! (Well, the GPS is.) People who live near magicians have always had to deal with the physical effects this can have on basic geography, space, and time.
They had a solution for it then, and we have a solution for it now. Make a map that makes itself. This youtube video walks you through all the steps you need to take so that you, too, can have a self-mapping system inside your car. And then you'll have to find a new excuse to tell your boss for why you were late.
6. Capes.
Capes were so useful! Why did we ever let them go out of fashion?
Need a convenient shade? Cape. Going on a picnic? Cape. Desperately need to perform Pin's Extraction and need something to sacrifice? Cape!
Bring these back. I demand it. My closet is full of capes and I have nowhere to wear them. This must change.
7. Count The Ravens In Newcastle.
What's that you say? Everyone knows that you can't count the ravens in Newcastle?
Of course you can. If the ravens are grouped in fives, the King is around. If the ravens are grouped in sixes, the King is in Faerie. If the ravens are grouped in elevens, the King is behind you.
You just can't count them for any magical spells, that's all. But just because you can't do divination with them doesn't mean that you can't predict traffic. If the King is around, never take the bridges, they'll be backed up for hours.
8. Refuse To Tell Anyone Where The Strange Society Is.
Everyone is a Norrellite today.
9. Build A Dream Tower.
Only 1345 kids will remember what it was like to gather in our dreams every night and build a giant mysterious tower that the Raven King has never -- at any point, pre- or post-disappearance -- ever bothered to explain. What was it for? Was it a defense against his enemies? Was it a vanity architecture project? Where did it go? Did it sink into a swamp? Did it fly away? Is it right now being used as a raven's nest in hell? All we have are questions.
So obviously we should do it again.
Gus Cully of Cully & Associates has drawn up the plans, all we need are building permits and volunteers.
Are you in? Come on, it is John Uskglass's trolling that we do!
This entry was originally posted at https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1234840.html.