Pulling over from tumblr: the inexplicable gaping hole in Barrayaran paranoia
Because tumblr is terrible for conversation and does things where, if you reply more than once to a post, your previous reply disappears from the notes, I figured I'd pull some of this onto here. This went from joking to "oh shit I actually 100% believe this, this is real meta" pretty damn quick. ;)
twicelivedsummer:
There are I think multiple fics that propose some deliberate plan to explain for Cordelia Naismith, of Beta Colony, suspected of killing Admiral Vorrutyer, arriving on Barrayar seemingly incognito, but maybe Barrayaran immigration is just… Like That… because one time Miles was on trial for plotting to overthrow the Emperor and made it all the way to Vorhartung Castle without anyone informing the emperor.
philomytha:
LOL, yes. I mean, there is a mention that Miles had false IDs and things, but surely any basic facial recognition camera couldn’t possibly mistake Miles for anyone else.
Probably what happens is that you say you want to move to Barrayar of your own free will, and by the time the border control people have recovered from their swoons of shock, you can already be halfway across the planet.
lannamichaels:
Barrayaran immigration is exactly Like That. Additional evidence: Enrique’s bugs getting through quarantine. From which I conclude there isn’t a quarantine if you’re with a Vorkosigan. Even if you’re an Escobaran with mutant biological weapons.
(I can fanwank WA pretty easily, though, that ImpSec is in enough of turmoil that the chain broke down and the info got stuck somewhere (scene flashes to a blinking light of someone desperately trying to get a skype call to go through but everyone around is ignoring the computer) like how no one cared that Vordrozda had a gun.)
twicelivedsummer:
………. Barrayaran immigration is exactly Like That and it has nothing to do with Vorkosigans, evidence the haut Moira getting mycoborer on-planet.
lannamichaels:
Hypothesis: Barrayar has no entry controls. Barrayar needs no entry controls. If someone shows up with a warship, that’s the navy’s problem. Anything else, not their circus, not their monkey.
professorofeljay:
I feel like there’s some hapless prole civil servant who has been trying for literal decades to get entry controls and keeps running up against Reasons why they can’t happen, and now every time this person hears about another instance of bullshit, they just slug back a shot of the whiskey that they keep in their desk and mutter “Fucking Vor”
ETA: Also now I’m imagining a conversation between Laisa and Gregor: “Gregor, honey, why don’t we have entry controls?” “What are entry controls?” *Laisa explains* Gregor, later that day, to his entire government: “Why the fuck don’t we have entry controls?”
lannamichaels:
*to the tune of Let It Be* there will be an answer, fucking Vor
twicelivedsummer:
Ekaterin: The haut could kill us all on a whim, refraining only for their own purposes, because they have such advanced biotechnology.
said haut: …yes, that’s definitely why.
rainaramsay:
I love the idea that Barrayar’s galactic interface consists of a binary “blow it out of the sky” / “let it do whatever” military decision tree.
Shortly after the conquest of Komarr:
Barrayarans: What’s that?
Komarrans: The commercial entry space station
Barrayarans: … what’s that?
Komarrans: Port of entry? Customs?
Barrayarans: …
Komarrans: Immigrations? Passport stamps? Food inspections?
Barrayarans: …
Komarrans: Jesus Fuck.
Later, at the imperial residence:
Ezar: Weapons scans, you say? Should we implement those?
Some random officer: Meh. The Komarrans appear to have it well in hand.
odonata523:
Oh, of course Barrayar doesn’t have border controls. Never mind facial recognition, don’t you think somebody would’ve recognized the Emperor’s Very Distinctive Foster Brother??? Barrayar is a medieval world still dragging themselves into galactic culture and technology - and I love them for it, but there’s some pretty deep culture clashes there. The way that Miles describes his grandfather could apply to parts of society as a whole “At the end of his life he was called a conservative, only because so much of Barrayar had streamed past him in the direction he had led, prodded, pushed, and pointed all his life.” So there’s probably gossip columns and tabloids following Gregor and Miles from early childhood, and I’m sure people at the spaceport recognized Miles - but as for reporting him to the Proper Authorities??? (Cue @lannamichaels image of the blinking light and the unanswered Skype call)
twicelivedsummer:
No one ever recognises the Emperor’s Very Distinctive Foster Brother. They can meet him waving them into Vorkosigan Surleau to speak to the Count-they can meet him on the Prince Serg and introduce him to his father. Even when they know his name is Miles Vorkosigan and also what he looks like they (Ahn, and Tien) have to ask to clarify that he is in fact that Vorkosigan’s son.
In Barrayar Cordelia notes that they’re not recording anything of the Emperor’s Birthday… I really think there aren’t that many tabloids.
lannamichaels:
Following people around and taking photos is a massive security concern. They’d never allow it. Maybe there’s some stuff for entertainment figures. Maybe. But I’d assume nothing at all for anyone political.
Hell, it even takes Metzov a moment to recognize Gregor. And his picture is up in buildings!
dancercoder:
Okay, I’ve gotta poke the holes. Yeah, the haut Moira got Mycoborer to fucking ImpSec HQ, but Ivan explicitly and canonically had to rescue the extended Cordonah family from Barrayaran customs. It’s text. (Chapter 14.)
twicelivedsummer:
Yeah, but they make it all the way onto Barrayaran soil first. Well past Komarr, and all. It’s “irregularities” in… their fake documentation… not “this woman has something that could be dirt-eating tunnelling bacteria on her”.
philomytha:
Not just ‘this woman’, this Cetagandan haut woman. Who has a presumably documented past as part of the Cetagandan biowarfare team on Barrayar. When Barrayaran security know full well that Cetagandan haut are bioweapons experts. A Cetagandan haut trying to get onto Barrayar with irregular documentation should have caused a massive security drama. But apparently they let her carry random biologicals onto Barrayar either without searching hard enough to find them even though she already had irregular documentation, or without bothering to explore or test them if they did find them. If haut Moira can carry Mycoborer onto Barrayar, then anyone can import anything. Of course, it could be good ol’ Barrayaran sexism: it’s just an old lady, if she says that box of mysterious powder in her handbag is medicine for her rheumatism then why worry?
EDIT:
twicelivedsummer:
Well, firstly, Philomytha, it was definitely a real marriage, that is, a legal marriage, that was the whole reason why it worked. :P
I mean, a renegade refugee Jacksonian baron and most of his extended immediate family caused sufficient security drama altogether I’d expect the more ancient details to get swallowed… My heated memo to Galactic Affairs-Komarr crossed in the tightbeam stream with an urgent heads-up from Captain Morozov, warning us of the party’s impending arrival has got to be Morovoz etc figuring who they were but only after they’d left Komarr, probably
“Komarr local space is a major trade nexus. The place is lousy with smugglers. As long as the transients don’t try to offload their goods within the Imperium, in which case Imperial Customs deals sharply with ’em, they get ignored. And the Komarran trade fleets police their own.”
Customs definitely exists, Ivan’s opinion of it is competent and narrowly focused.
Supposedly, some Escobaran tourist named Dr. Dolbraco Dax. Held up because of irregularities, Customs said, although the fellow’s documentation seemed to be all in order. The ImpSec warning arrives 6 hours too late so they must’ve noticed… something they didn’t tell Ivan any details about
“You have to admit,” said Pidge, “Dada was right about not trying to carry ours along. It would never have survived that second search.”
“Would’ve passed the first one, though,” grumbled Star. “Before Amiri insisted on bringing up that Vorpatril fellow’s name.”
We had originally intended to arrive here entirely incognito, but your reappearance gave us a second-choice level of plausibility, even as this Vorpatril fellow’s unexpectedly high security profile forced the necessity.
It bore a label reading Mycoborer, experimental, GSA Patent Applied For. Do not remove from GalacTech Company premises without authorization, under penalty of immediate termination and criminal prosecution. Inside the box were layers of trays holding an array of thin, dark sticks, each about fifty centimeters long.
THERE IS A LABEL. ON THE BOX.
I’m sorry, @dancercoder but while Barrayar certainly has something called Customs & Security, and they are (circa CVA) competent at spotting false stories and (adjusting for general Cardonah bravado) looking for weapons, but they. they don’t. they don’t open up your luggage and read the labels on oddly-shaped boxes.
(Okay, so, they’re criminals, (I mean, a Jacksonian Great House)(same thing) Shiv was specifically a smuggler before climbing higher, so one assumes that they ought to be competent in their own right at hiding oddly-shaped boxes, this is not Barrayaran Customs & Security tripping over its own feet so much as being implicitly outmatched but: also: consider: giggle: labelled. :D)
lannamichaels:
I am loving this thread so much :D
Question: what language is the label on the box? Vorkosiverse handwaves language issues a lot (which is fine with me, otherwise the story turns into “how do we communicate” and not “how do we do anything else”) but there’s for sure some language issues going on in the background.
philomytha:
One of the things I love about CVA (and please don’t mistake me calling it a wacky caper plot combined with a fake real definitely real marriage fic for not liking it, I adore it) is that the languages thing does come up more, when we hear all about Tej’s language brilliance and how useful it is for her. I love the bit where she detects someone’s native language and switches to it halfway through a conversation and gets far more help out of him that way.
And I’m sure you can fanwank the mycoborer, as you say, Shiv’s a smuggler by trade, but roasting Barrayaran biosecurity procedures is more fun :-P They’d never have got the mycoborer onto Kline Station…
This entry was originally posted at https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1075552.html.