Yuletide Fic: "THIS IS NOT A DRILL" (Hockey/Original Hockey) G
Title: THIS IS NOT A DRILL (On Archive Of Our Own)
Author:
lannamichaels
Fandom: Superstition - Superstition_hockey (Original Work), Hockey RPF
Rating: G
Recipient:
frogy
A/N: Happy Yuletide! For anyone coming here from the Hockey RPF tag, Superstition is a series on AO3 by Superstition_hockey and can be read here.
Summary: puckstothenet: CHANTS KISSED JACKS
puckstothenet:
GUYS
GUYS
STOP DRINKING
LOOK AT THE SCREEN
COME BACKKKKKK
COME BACK TO ME
CHANTS KISSED JACKS
THIS IS NOT A DRILL
diquesdick:
puck, honey, it's 3am, we've won, go to bed
wait what
chantinghome:
omg it's real
puckstothenet:
SEE
HE'S STILL KISSING HIM
LOOK AT YOUR SCREEN
sweatpantsnopants:
I can't believe this is real
only god can save us now
puckstothenet:
HELP US HOCKEY GODS
THE INTERNET IS ABOUT TO BURN DOWN
gggiroux:
Let it burn let it burn Jacktal is canon
chantinghome:
my brother is texting me he's so mad, laugh harder bro
sacon:
Does this mean I have a chance with Svetlana Volkov now?
puckstothenet:
No.
chantinghome:
Nope.
gggiroux:
Naw.
sacon:
Dammit, how many people need to be gay before a hot Ukrainian model will love me like I deserve?
sweatpantsnopants:
More than two, sacks.
gggiroux:
guys I'm legit crying, G's got a cup, the 'diques are for real, and Oliver Jackson plays for my team
both my teams
all my teams
it is gay day here
diquesdick:
fistbump, my bro
I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep until the game was over but now I'm really not gonna be able to sleep
I have to Be Professional tomorrow. Today. In 4 hours.
Why the hell do they play hockey into June?
puckstothenet:
So that one day we will be gifted with gay hockey bros three weeks before my birthday
chantinghome:
you guys know I'm like an hour from Vegas I'm tempted to get in my car and start driving just to feel like I'm a part of this
sacon:
You are a part of this! A beautiful beautiful part of this. Yo're the one who showed me that compilation of Jacktal best moments, this is your victory too!
sweatpantsnopants:
i eagerly await every single article tomorrow that posits the important question of were these dudes in the closet, or did the closet just happen to them?
there were _so many_ rumors coming out of juniors about them
and chants never lets an opportunity go by to say how great jacks is
and they own a house
and a dog
plus that point streak
and that deeply disturbing fight I still can't rewatch
but he avenged his bro
and then he cried on giroux
karlsgod:
GUYS ARE YOU AWAKE
puckstothenet:
We are!
chantinghome:
Somewhat!
diquesdick:
Shouldn't be!
karlsgod:
LUC CHANTAL KISSED OLIVER JACKSON UNDERNEATH THE STANLEY CUP
Now no one can tell me that All Star Game kiss was queerbaiting
aint' queerbaiting when theyre queer!
gggiroux:
Correct!
karlsgod:
okay serious question does this suddenly make the Flyers catastrophe make sense? Who the hell doesn't match?
puckstothenet:
Luc Chantal waved his glorious magical hockey dick and proclaimed, no one is keeping my bestest bro away from me, we got cups to win and bros to kiss while holding the cup
chantinghome:
Okay but they did have a dicey cap situation, matching the diques would've meant they'd lose depth. The diques could spend on Jacks because they weren't lugging around bad contracts in their cap space. If the Flyers want a new goalie in three years or to ever have a decent second line, they couldn't match that.
I cna't bevelive you're making me be logical about this karl.
gggiroux:
The Flyers want a rebuild, they got a lot for Jacks in exchange for not signing the offer sheet, plus it sends them back down the tanking rankings again and they'll be going for Rimouski Robbie next year. They're swapping one exceptional status kid for another one and they get back to a cheap ELC. Once Jacks hit prime contract years, he was gonna make them paaaaaaaaay. Now they get more cheap time and aren't wasting space matching an offer. And Jacks had signed the sheet, he wanted to go. They probably figured he'd keep trying.
sacon:
idk man, Jacks is a generational talent. Guaranteed. Robbie's still young, he could be a bust. I hope he's not, but that's the way it goes sometimes. And they're not guaranteed to get the lottery. And even what they got from the diques, the big prize is the two years of first round picks, but the diques are gonna hve sucky lottery odds, they just won the cup, oh my god, we just won the cup
but yeah it's not the deepest draft this year anyway. I think the Flyers are probably gonna regret it. You don't just throw away generational talent like that.
karlsgod:
lol tell that the bruins they keep getting rid of their generational talent, it's fucking clcokwork
chantinghome:
as;dlfkajs;lfkjasld;fkjasldkfj
sweatpantsnopants:
"i kiss jacks all the time", says luc chantal. engrave that on my tombstone because I'm dead there is no more squee left to squee.
sacon:
alexander wept because there was no more squee to conquer
sweatpantsnopants:
i know right
chantinghome:
fuck me I know I'm a tinhat but how long have they actually been together?
sakcs your dreams ofa threesome with svetlana volkov might actually have happened
sacon:
♥
puckstothenet:
this is the most amazing day of my life
diquesdick:
here yall, some beauty's already dug up the clips of Chants's dad from the dad's trip where he was there for both Jacks and Chants and set it to fucking butterfly kisses
what a world
chantinghome:
lol i love everyone in this bar
and it is a bar because let's face it we're all either drunk on the booz or on the jacktal and i personally cnnot tell the difference
hey guys do you think chants is finally gonna get a real car? i always thought it was some kind of stupid cup superstition, like he buys those fuck-off watches to keep him aware of the ~~time~~ and how much he has to ~~push~~ and then there's that horrible car to make him remember to ~~strive~~ idek guys it's been wine o'clock since they got it to 2-1
puckstothenet:
baby if chants buys a grown-up car, I will come visit and bake you a cake
chantinghome:
LOVE YOU PUCK
not as much as jacks loves chants but still way more than chants loves tea
gggiroux:
I should crash but I can't, I've got the tv playing the GWG and then the kiss in constant rotation. I may never look at anything else again.
karlsgod:
pity me, I got a beer league game tomorrow and our goalie is the biggest Chants/Ten shipper you've ever fucking seen in your life
gggiroux:
oh no.
sacon:
just whisper "team-building gay orgies" and have everyone agree to pretend that that's a thing they do in the nhl
sweatpantsnopants:
sacks, after all this, if it turns out it is, I'm never gonna look shocked
sacon:
yeah, you're right. After this, I'll believe anything. Any wild nhl conspiracy theory, I'm now open to it.
karlsgod:
oh yeah? here's the best conspiracy theory I ever heard:
players turn into animals sometimes.
gggiroux:
boooo
karlsgod:
also de-age into children sometimes.
gggiroux:
booooooooooooooo
karlsgod:
no, really.
It all happened to this one kid in juniors.
Ask anyone.
gggiroux:
I hate you.
This entry was originally posted at https://lannamichaels.dreamwidth.org/1026654.html.