because it's been too long, far too long since I simply wrote something, anything
And sometimes I feel infinitely small, so small that the bacteria growing on the bottoms of my boot dwarf me. So that an ant is a mountain and there is no air to breathe that can fit into my lungs, none at all. The world overwhelms me. Overtakes me but doesn't even threaten to destroy me- what's the point when I(such a small I- minuscule, in fact) am so insignificant. My lungs are numb and they can't handle breathing. And everything slows down- not around me(never around me, nothing revolves around me, around such a small I)but everywhere else, ignoring the way I need everything to keep going before my lungs completely shrivel up, forget what it feels like to be normal (a laugh because have I ever been normal, have I ever been anything but this awkward being, unsure of everything, at even the slightest notion of what normal feels like, and knowing that everyone can see it on me can see it in me- and I ostracize myself as much as they ostracize me because I can't even imagine forced civility anymore- I used up every bit of that in my younger years) and die just as small and insignificant as I always knew (always feared) I was.