(no subject)
i filled out my lease papers for Pegasus landing today and sent them away. something so simple stemed into something so emotional.
i'm leaving in 19 weeks. i'll be gone in 4 months. i'm going to leave everything thats i've worked for in these 17 years here in springs, and i'm starting over. but i got to thinking, what have i really accomplished?
not much academically. not much artistically. not much socially. i've never done anything on my own. never made my own friends. never embarked on something by myself. i never ventured into the dark without someone holding my flashlight. everyone i know is a friend of a friend. everything i've done its because one of you have been there with me.
i saw beauty and the beast tonight. those kids put everything they had into that show. and it showed. everyone they knew was there to see them. i've never worked that hard for something. no one ever appreciated something i did like that.
what do i have to show for myself these 4 years? i have no outstanding relationships. i have no 'final performance'. yea, i have orchestra. but to get some of you to come and watch me is like pulling teeth. i gave up. you just dont care.
i just can't stand some of you right now. i'm sorry. but i'm sick of your presence. not everyone. just a few of you. so just fuck off, please.
so as i sit here on the verge of tears, something that hasn't happend since that day back in 6th grade, i look back at nothing. i need someone so bad right now and it kills me that i cant. god, make this broken road lead back to you .
i'm leaving in 19 weeks. i'll be gone in 4 months. i'm going to leave everything thats i've worked for in these 17 years here in springs, and i'm starting over. but i got to thinking, what have i really accomplished?
not much academically. not much artistically. not much socially. i've never done anything on my own. never made my own friends. never embarked on something by myself. i never ventured into the dark without someone holding my flashlight. everyone i know is a friend of a friend. everything i've done its because one of you have been there with me.
i saw beauty and the beast tonight. those kids put everything they had into that show. and it showed. everyone they knew was there to see them. i've never worked that hard for something. no one ever appreciated something i did like that.
what do i have to show for myself these 4 years? i have no outstanding relationships. i have no 'final performance'. yea, i have orchestra. but to get some of you to come and watch me is like pulling teeth. i gave up. you just dont care.
i just can't stand some of you right now. i'm sorry. but i'm sick of your presence. not everyone. just a few of you. so just fuck off, please.
so as i sit here on the verge of tears, something that hasn't happend since that day back in 6th grade, i look back at nothing. i need someone so bad right now and it kills me that i cant. god, make this broken road lead back to you .