FIC: P!ATD - A Life Alone - Part 3 - Ryan/Pete, Spencer/Brendon - PG
So the Ryan/Pete is becoming less subtext and more one of the actual pairings for this story. I'm not sure how that happened; Ryan/Brendon is my OTP for Bandslash.
You should read part 1 and part 2 first, or you might be confused as to why Ryan Ross thinks 1+2+1=breakup.
Summary: Dinner with Jon and Cassie is just him and Pete, Ryan is kind of surprised. He'd thought they would bombard him with 'group' time until he was ready to scream.
TITLE: A Life Alone
RATING: PG (for language)
PAIRING: Ryan POV / Ryan/Pete subtext, Spencer/Brendon in the background
AUTHOR: Melanie
SUMMARY: Ryan thinks that when its time for their 'Behind The Music' that Panic! At The Disco could be summed as such… Four came, four sang, four laughed, three made the decision to 'take a break'.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these boys and I'm pretty sure that this has never happened and will never happen quite like this.
A Life Alone - Part 3
Dinner with Jon and Cassie is just him and Pete, Ryan is kind of surprised. He'd thought they would bombard him with 'group' time until he was ready to scream.
Or beg Pete to be allowed to go home.
The others don't know where his cottage is, not yet. Not unless Pete has sold him out, which Ryan doesn't think he has. He is still maintaining the thought that Pete likes being the only one knowing where Ryan goes when he's not with them.
Pete tries to attack him with eyeliner before they leave; Ryan manages to evade him long enough that they'll be late if they dawdle any longer.
He doesn't want to know what Jon will think if they're late, the guys already think that Pete is attempting to lure him back into his bed. Of course Ryan is leaning toward that as well, he thinks that maybe it says something that Ryan isn't already there, like maybe Ryan has grown up a little bit, that maybe he knows something about his self-worth that his eighteen year-old self hadn't.
Cassie answers the door when he knocks, Pete is standing very close behind him, his hand is low on Ryan's back, any lower and he would be groping him on Jon and Cassie's porch.
"Ryan," Cassie sounds happy to see him, relieved. She pulls him away from Pete's wandering hands and into a tight hug.
He doesn't think they've ever been close enough where a hug is a suitable greeting, though he returns it awkwardly.
Behind her shoulder he can see Jon rolling his eyes.
"She's just relieved that she doesn't have to figure out someone who could be the third best man or decide which of her bridesmaids can be cut," he says, Ryan smirks, quickly wiping it from his face when Cassie releases him to whirl on Jon.
"Or it could be that I was actually worried about him Jonathan, and am relieved to see him whole and in one piece," she snaps, it's good humored, not angry. Ryan shifts on his feet and Pete steps up next to him. Shutting the door behind him.
"I don't get a hug?" Pete asks, his hand is back on Ryan's back, he thinks it might actually be lower then it was when Ryan had knocked on the door.
"The least you could have done was take one of them with you," Cassie says, she's still glaring at Jon. "Do you know how difficult they were to deal with after you took off on your own and then didn't even tell them where you were going? Like little children all of you, fighting over the same toy."
Ryan tilts his head and squints at her. He thinks she's referring to him as a toy, or maybe a child… he's not really sure, but he thinks he might need to be offended on his behalf.
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Dinner is calm, there are no raised voices, no shouting. Nobody telling Ryan that he's crazy.
Cassie sits him and Pete on opposite sides of the table when she realizes that Pete is about a hands span away from getting fresh with Ryan right in front of Jon.
"I wouldn't normally care," she confides when she has Ryan help bring in the casserole and bread. "Because it would be a great show to see you smack his hands or punch him, but I think Jon would also try to defend your honor and I really need him to not be bruised for the wedding pictures."
He wants to tell her that she has nothing to worry about, but he doesn't think he can say that with a straight face or that he even believes it anymore.
He might be proving Jon right and sleeping in the tub with a blanket and pillow once they get back to the hotel.
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Patrick and rest of Fall Out Boy descend days later. After Ryan has resorted to wearing his headphones when he writes, because Pete doesn't like being ignored and if he thinks Ryan is just sitting there and not paying attention to him he goes out of his way to be as annoying as possible.
Ryan realizes they're in town when his stomach starts growling loud enough that he can hear it even with the headphones on, he's pulling them off and wondering why Pete didn't tap him on the shoulder to remind him to eat when he looks up and sees Patrick is sitting across from him.
Ryan blinks at him, and wonders how long he's been sitting there.
He looks not pissed off, not overly friendly, Ryan doesn't know Patrick well enough to read the nuances of his expressions, he looks around the room and doesn't see Pete or any of the others.
"Joe took Pete and Andy for coffee and food," Patrick says, Ryan wonders if he can read minds and really hopes not.
"Why didn't you just tap me on the shoulder or something?" Ryan asks. He would have known it wasn't Pete, Pete had been just pretty much climbing into his lap or sending Hemmy over to sit on his feet when he felt Ryan had wrote long enough.
"I didn't want to interrupt, you looked like you were pretty engrossed in what you were doing… what are you working on?"
Ryan looks down at the desk, rubs at a scuff mark and hopes its not from his laptop, he's going in half on the room with Pete whether he wants him to or not.
"I'm writing a book," he says quietly. Everyone knows, Pete had figured it out days prior when Spencer must have told him that Ryan wasn't working on any new songs when he sat for hours in front of the computer.
He doesn't look up because he doesn't want to see Patrick's skeptical look, the one that means that he can't pull this off and everyone knows it so why is he even bothering.
"I'm more then halfway done," he adds. And he is, he'd looked at the brief outline that he'd typed up when he'd first started writing, he's made some minor changes since then; a love interest for the main hero, a few friends that hadn't been there before.
"That's good," Patrick's voice is gentle, quiet and Ryan hazards a look up and sees Patrick looking at him with an expression that Ryan can't put a name to.
"Pete says that you're planning on going back to wherever he found you after the wedding?"
Ryan nods. "It was our agreement."
"Do Spencer and the others know that?" Patrick asks, he's slouching back in his chair now. Getting comfortable.
"I don't know what Pete told them," Ryan shrugs. He's trying, he really is. He had dinner with Spencer and Brendon and only had to leave the table twice when they were being overly couple-ish
He's had dinner with Jon and Cassie and he's ate alone with Pete, he and Pete have come to an agreement about the fact that there is only one bed and as long as Pete doesn't attempt to grope him while they're sleeping Ryan is okay with sharing that bed with Pete.
He doesn't admit it, not to himself, not to anyone out loud.
But he kind of likes waking up in the morning with Pete wrapped around him.
It's bittersweet though, and he's trying not to get used to this opportunity to touch one of the things that he's always wanted (Pete focused solely and completely on him, waking up in the morning with Pete still with him) because he knows that when he goes home it'll be gone again.
Pete will go grovel at Ashlee's feet and convince her to take him back or maybe its Jeanae's turn once more, he's not sure, he tries not to keep track of Pete's love life.
He just knows that it's not his, that Pete made that decision and he'll eventually remember why he made it and Ryan doesn't want his heart as damaged as it was back then.
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Pete and the others return with food and Ryan tries not to feel like the odd man out with the entirety of Fall Out Boy sitting in a circle on the floor with him eating dinner.
He feels young, like a kid that's being allowed to eat at the grownup table, even if that table is a span of carpet in a hotel room.
Because while Pete is leering at him every so often, glaring defiantly at Patrick when he rests a hand on Ryan's knee… Patrick keeps reminding him to eat and Joe keeps putting food on his plate.
"When's your concert?" Ryan asks, when Andy takes a break from his attempt to convert Ryan to veganism. He'd tried, once, it wasn't really his thing.
"Tomorrow night," Patrick says.
"You'll come on stage with us," Pete announces.
"I will?" Ryan asks at the same time as Patrick's, "he will?"
"Well he's here, we're here. It's kismet, fate," Pete grins widely, Ryan narrows his eyes and doesn't trust it.
"You're afraid that I'm going to sneak off when you're on stage and either get my own room or go home."
"I'm not afraid of any such thing."
Patrick snorts and Joe snickers into his hand, Andy just rolls his eyes.
"I promised Jon that I would stay for the wedding," Ryan says. "I'm not going back on that now that I've been measured for the tux and everything. Do you know how painful an experience that was? I got stuck with pins four times and had to keep telling the guy who was fitting me that I didn't want rosettes on the cummerbund and that if he tried to put me in pink I was killing him."
"Jon thought it was all quite amusing," Pete nods. "Though he was disappointed that you vetoed the rosettes and wouldn't even contemplate lace."
******************************************************************************
The wedding is small, intimate and beautiful. It's exactly what Jon and Cassie wanted so Ryan is happy for them.
Jon entrusts Ryan with his camera for the day and he takes roll after roll of pictures when he isn't being tasked with various duties as one of Jon's three best men.
He only notices that Ashlee is there when she steps right in front of him and he almost runs into her, Jon and Cassie are being sweet up on the dais and he'd wanted to get a good picture of it.
He instead wraps his arms around the camera to protect it just in case Ashlee decides to get violent.
She's staring at him and he's fidgeting and wondering where the half a dozen people that he under normal circumstances can't get rid of have vanished off to.
"I don't know what your game is," she says finally, "but you've managed to fool them all into thinking you're some delicate flower that needs to be protected."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ryan says, because he doesn't. He thinks Ashlee might be insane, it's probably what drew Pete to her in the first place, Pete seems to like people that have a few screws loose.
He pointedly doesn't think about what that says about him.
He hopes she doesn't get violent and ruin Jon and Cassie's day, and then wonders why she's there in the first place if she and Pete have broken up.
She smiles at him, it's a thin and not nice smile, Ryan doesn't return it because he thinks that she might be contemplating ways to murder him and make it look like an accident.
She turns and walks away and Patrick appears at his shoulder right after she takes four steps.
"What's she doing here?" he wonders, Ryan shrugs.
"Contemplating murder?"
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Ashlee doesn't approach him again, kept back by Patrick, who's hovering at Ryan's shoulder and glaring at her when she looks like she's going to walk up to him again.
She doesn't approach Pete either, he doesn't have anyone at his shoulder but Ryan doesn't think he needs to with the expression on his face whenever she looks like she's going to sidle up alongside him.
Ryan wonders again what exactly had been said (or shouted as the case may be) to cause this level of animosity between her and Pete and rest of the guys.
This isn't just because of him, it can't be.
There's something else going on here that he can't put his finger on, maybe because he doesn't have all the facts and no one will tell him what those facts are when he asks.
She stays on the far side of the room and she watches them and Ryan's not sure what she's hoping to accomplish by coming into what should be enemy territory for her.
"I sent her an invitation," Cassie appears at his elbow. "Back when she and Pete were still together."
"Has she even offered her congratulations to you and Jon yet?" Ryan asks, he's been watching and he doesn't think she's even once approached the newlyweds.
"I think she's too busy imagining ways to torture and destroy you," Jon says, his arms loops around Cassie's waist and Ryan doesn't look envious but only because he's really happy for them.
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He goes back to the room alone; Pete had been talking to Patrick, heads bent close together.
His bags were packed that morning when Pete had been distracted by, what Ryan now assumes were phone calls warning of Ashlee's imminent arrival. All he has to do now is grab them and go.
It feels too easy.
He has his plane ticket booked already, accomplished during one of the few ten minutes spans where Pete left him alone, he probably paid much more then he should have but he doesn't care.
For days that overpriced plane ticket has been his symbol of freedom.
Of peace and quiet.
Jon has his address in his coat pocket, slipped in there by Ryan's hand when Jon had taken it off to go dance with Cassie, there's a note there asking for copies of the pictures, along with his address.
He's not trying to hide, doesn't want to feel as if he's afraid of his family.
His phone number is there as well and he hopes that they call and warn him when they get ready to descend upon him.
He leaves the keycard on the desk and takes a quick look around the room to make sure that he hasn't forgotten anything.
His laptop is over his shoulder and his bag is on the floor by the door where he'd left it, he feels like he's running away and he squashes that emotion.
He'd told them, that once the wedding was done, that he was going home.
Alone.
And he is.
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He doesn't breathe again until he walks through his front door, he'd been so sure that someone would figure out what he was doing and that he'd be caught at the airport or in the lobby, or just caught before he could escape.
No one had, he thinks that he's been so concerned about someone stopping him from going home when he should have been more concerned about how he was getting there.
He's been traveling for hours, he probably should have played closer attention to the ticket itinerary, because instead of the straight shot that he'd had when he'd traveled with Pete, he'd had two layovers that had felt like forever.
He puts his bags down by the door and stretches.
"Jesus Ryan, did you take the most indirect route that you could find?" he hears and he doesn't jump. Just closes his eyes and leans against the door.
Pete appears in the doorway leading to the living room, he's in sleep pants and he isn't wearing a t-shirt, Hemmy appears by his bare feet after a second.
"Pete," he says with resignation. He guesses that it's better then Spencer and Brendon appearing suddenly.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily, I thought you would have figured that out by now."
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Pete had allowed him to shower and change, clean out his bag and start a load of laundry (Ryan pretends not to notice Pete tossing his whites in alongside his) before he'd pulled him down on the couch alongside him.
Right now he's holding him loosely, Ryan could move if he wanted to, instead he's letting his head rest on Pete's shoulder and dozing.
"I ordered a bed for the spare room," Pete says quietly, Ryan stiffens slightly at the presumption that Pete could make decisions as to what is going in rooms in his house.
"Brendon and Spencer will be here in a few days, they booked their tickets before you took off from the wedding reception, thus proving, that in this, I know you better then they do," Ryan tries to ignore the self-satisfaction, the glee in Pete's tone.
"Pete…" Ryan starts, he shifts and Pete's grip tightens.
"They just want to see, Ryan, to make sure that you're okay here," Pete says softly. "It's only for a few days."
"Are you leaving when they do?"
Pete sighs, breath puffing against his ear. "I'm not leaving until you kick me out."
"You have your own house," Ryan reminds him. "It's like four times the size of mine."
"And yet in your house, in your town, I was able to stop for coffee and not get mobbed by the teenies waiting alongside me for theirs. I like it here."
Ryan wonders if there was a town meeting held to tell everyone who he was and who might be coming through town in order to visit him.
He wonders if he should ask for a transcript from Mark to make sure that no one was missed and that a petition to force him out hasn't been started.
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The bed is delivered two days later, Ryan has spent those two days figuring out where the stuff that remains in boxes in the spare room needs to go so that there is floor space in which to place the bed.
While he's busy in the spare bedroom organizing, Pete has been busy in the living room redecorating.
His desk has been moved in there, in front of the window overlooking his backyard.
He wonders why he didn't think of placing it there, it has perfect light and is sunny and cheerful.
It's also really distracting; he spends an hour one afternoon watching Pete watching Hemmy chase leaves across the yard instead of writing.
Pete sleeps with him in his bed at night, an arm tossed casually over his chest, leg laying over his. He's not pressing for anything, though he has started laying kisses along the back of Ryan's neck when he passes by him, which he does frequently.
Ryan decides this is Pete's way of acclimatizing Ryan to his presence once more, but he can't figure out why Pete is moving so slow and he wants to tell Pete that he doesn't need to acclimatize him.
Ryan had thought he knew all Pete's moves but these ones are unfamiliar and they feel old and clunky and a lot like old-fashioned courting…
It's nice, he writes a whole chapter one night (going horribly off outline for the second time since he started his story) about the man that is wooing the hero; an old lover that has suddenly descended once more in the hopes of regaining what they'd thought lost.
Ryan contemplates cutting it out, it feels nonsensical, but it also feels like a part of the whole journey the hero is taking, so he leaves it.
Ryan thinks that a year ago Pete would have already had Ryan naked and willing in his bed, lack of desire had never been their problem and still isn't.
Because he's woken up every morning since Pete first came to his little cottage feeling Pete pressed against his leg.
He just can't figure out why Pete hasn't done anything, before he would snap his fingers and blink, maybe wink and Ryan would be ready and willing.
Now it feels like he's waiting and Ryan can't figure out for what.
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Brendon and Spencer arrive the day that Ryan finishes his book.
He's made amazing progress since he returned home; the words flowing from his fingers almost faster then he can type them.
When he types 'The End' and saves it for the last time it hurts a little. He's finished it and he's not sure what he'll do with all his time now that he's done.
For now, he closes the document, shuts his laptop down and stretches.
He can see Pete laying on his back in the yard, Hemmy is sprawled next to his legs and Ryan pushes back his chair and goes out to join them.
When he sits down, cross-legged, next to Pete he opens one eye and then raises his arm to glance at his watch.
"You still have like 45 minutes left," Pete says, he lets his arm fall over Ryan's legs and closes his eyes again.
"I'm finished," Ryan says, he picks a blade of grass and rolls it between his fingers.
Pete cracks an eye open again.
"Finished?"
"My book, it's finished," Ryan shrugs. Like it's nothing important that he finished his book, Pete wants to read it and maybe years and years into the future Ryan will let him.
"I want to read it," Pete says. They've had the same conversation for days, Ryan always says no. He thinks that maybe Pete is just saying what he thinks he should be, it's like he's read a self-help book on repairing broken relationships and Chapter 3 is express an interest in your partners hobbies.
"I don't…"
"I want to read it Ryan," Pete says, his voice is even and careful and his eyes are open and watching Ryan.
"It was just something that I was working on, it's not that good," Ryan says. It needs to be edited and proof read and whole chapters need to be revised, it's definitely not ready for anyone besides Ryan to read.
"You let me be the judge of that."
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They're eating when Spencer and Brendon arrive, Hemmy is sitting under the table at Pete's feet waiting for the inevitable handout, Pete is a sucker when it comes to his dog.
Ryan has been kind of picking at his food, he's waiting for Pete to say something but he doesn't. Ryan has been expecting Brendon and Spencer all day, his nerves are slightly on end and when the knock finally comes he jumps and feels shocked when he realizes that they're here.
He looks around his little cottage and he sees how small it is, and wonders how Pete can stand to be here with him when he's got a veritable mansion waiting for him.
Pete squeezes his hand when he stands up to go let them in, he wants to get up, say 'this is my house, my door, let me do this', instead he sits there and lets Pete kiss his cheek when he passes by.
He hears their voices and he pushes his plate away and stands up, he turns just as Pete leads them into the kitchen.
Spencer looks tired and comes right to Ryan, arms pulling him into a tight hug, Brendon hangs back by the door but Ryan can tell that he wants to be there, when he looks over he lets his lips twist into a slight smile, it isn't totally forced and Brendon walks over to them.
Wraps his arms around both of them together and lays his forehead against Ryan's temple.
From the door Pete just watches, Ryan closes his eyes and lets them hold onto him.
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You should read part 1 and part 2 first, or you might be confused as to why Ryan Ross thinks 1+2+1=breakup.
Summary: Dinner with Jon and Cassie is just him and Pete, Ryan is kind of surprised. He'd thought they would bombard him with 'group' time until he was ready to scream.
TITLE: A Life Alone
RATING: PG (for language)
PAIRING: Ryan POV / Ryan/Pete subtext, Spencer/Brendon in the background
AUTHOR: Melanie
SUMMARY: Ryan thinks that when its time for their 'Behind The Music' that Panic! At The Disco could be summed as such… Four came, four sang, four laughed, three made the decision to 'take a break'.
DISCLAIMER: I don't own any of these boys and I'm pretty sure that this has never happened and will never happen quite like this.
A Life Alone - Part 3
Dinner with Jon and Cassie is just him and Pete, Ryan is kind of surprised. He'd thought they would bombard him with 'group' time until he was ready to scream.
Or beg Pete to be allowed to go home.
The others don't know where his cottage is, not yet. Not unless Pete has sold him out, which Ryan doesn't think he has. He is still maintaining the thought that Pete likes being the only one knowing where Ryan goes when he's not with them.
Pete tries to attack him with eyeliner before they leave; Ryan manages to evade him long enough that they'll be late if they dawdle any longer.
He doesn't want to know what Jon will think if they're late, the guys already think that Pete is attempting to lure him back into his bed. Of course Ryan is leaning toward that as well, he thinks that maybe it says something that Ryan isn't already there, like maybe Ryan has grown up a little bit, that maybe he knows something about his self-worth that his eighteen year-old self hadn't.
Cassie answers the door when he knocks, Pete is standing very close behind him, his hand is low on Ryan's back, any lower and he would be groping him on Jon and Cassie's porch.
"Ryan," Cassie sounds happy to see him, relieved. She pulls him away from Pete's wandering hands and into a tight hug.
He doesn't think they've ever been close enough where a hug is a suitable greeting, though he returns it awkwardly.
Behind her shoulder he can see Jon rolling his eyes.
"She's just relieved that she doesn't have to figure out someone who could be the third best man or decide which of her bridesmaids can be cut," he says, Ryan smirks, quickly wiping it from his face when Cassie releases him to whirl on Jon.
"Or it could be that I was actually worried about him Jonathan, and am relieved to see him whole and in one piece," she snaps, it's good humored, not angry. Ryan shifts on his feet and Pete steps up next to him. Shutting the door behind him.
"I don't get a hug?" Pete asks, his hand is back on Ryan's back, he thinks it might actually be lower then it was when Ryan had knocked on the door.
"The least you could have done was take one of them with you," Cassie says, she's still glaring at Jon. "Do you know how difficult they were to deal with after you took off on your own and then didn't even tell them where you were going? Like little children all of you, fighting over the same toy."
Ryan tilts his head and squints at her. He thinks she's referring to him as a toy, or maybe a child… he's not really sure, but he thinks he might need to be offended on his behalf.
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Dinner is calm, there are no raised voices, no shouting. Nobody telling Ryan that he's crazy.
Cassie sits him and Pete on opposite sides of the table when she realizes that Pete is about a hands span away from getting fresh with Ryan right in front of Jon.
"I wouldn't normally care," she confides when she has Ryan help bring in the casserole and bread. "Because it would be a great show to see you smack his hands or punch him, but I think Jon would also try to defend your honor and I really need him to not be bruised for the wedding pictures."
He wants to tell her that she has nothing to worry about, but he doesn't think he can say that with a straight face or that he even believes it anymore.
He might be proving Jon right and sleeping in the tub with a blanket and pillow once they get back to the hotel.
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Patrick and rest of Fall Out Boy descend days later. After Ryan has resorted to wearing his headphones when he writes, because Pete doesn't like being ignored and if he thinks Ryan is just sitting there and not paying attention to him he goes out of his way to be as annoying as possible.
Ryan realizes they're in town when his stomach starts growling loud enough that he can hear it even with the headphones on, he's pulling them off and wondering why Pete didn't tap him on the shoulder to remind him to eat when he looks up and sees Patrick is sitting across from him.
Ryan blinks at him, and wonders how long he's been sitting there.
He looks not pissed off, not overly friendly, Ryan doesn't know Patrick well enough to read the nuances of his expressions, he looks around the room and doesn't see Pete or any of the others.
"Joe took Pete and Andy for coffee and food," Patrick says, Ryan wonders if he can read minds and really hopes not.
"Why didn't you just tap me on the shoulder or something?" Ryan asks. He would have known it wasn't Pete, Pete had been just pretty much climbing into his lap or sending Hemmy over to sit on his feet when he felt Ryan had wrote long enough.
"I didn't want to interrupt, you looked like you were pretty engrossed in what you were doing… what are you working on?"
Ryan looks down at the desk, rubs at a scuff mark and hopes its not from his laptop, he's going in half on the room with Pete whether he wants him to or not.
"I'm writing a book," he says quietly. Everyone knows, Pete had figured it out days prior when Spencer must have told him that Ryan wasn't working on any new songs when he sat for hours in front of the computer.
He doesn't look up because he doesn't want to see Patrick's skeptical look, the one that means that he can't pull this off and everyone knows it so why is he even bothering.
"I'm more then halfway done," he adds. And he is, he'd looked at the brief outline that he'd typed up when he'd first started writing, he's made some minor changes since then; a love interest for the main hero, a few friends that hadn't been there before.
"That's good," Patrick's voice is gentle, quiet and Ryan hazards a look up and sees Patrick looking at him with an expression that Ryan can't put a name to.
"Pete says that you're planning on going back to wherever he found you after the wedding?"
Ryan nods. "It was our agreement."
"Do Spencer and the others know that?" Patrick asks, he's slouching back in his chair now. Getting comfortable.
"I don't know what Pete told them," Ryan shrugs. He's trying, he really is. He had dinner with Spencer and Brendon and only had to leave the table twice when they were being overly couple-ish
He's had dinner with Jon and Cassie and he's ate alone with Pete, he and Pete have come to an agreement about the fact that there is only one bed and as long as Pete doesn't attempt to grope him while they're sleeping Ryan is okay with sharing that bed with Pete.
He doesn't admit it, not to himself, not to anyone out loud.
But he kind of likes waking up in the morning with Pete wrapped around him.
It's bittersweet though, and he's trying not to get used to this opportunity to touch one of the things that he's always wanted (Pete focused solely and completely on him, waking up in the morning with Pete still with him) because he knows that when he goes home it'll be gone again.
Pete will go grovel at Ashlee's feet and convince her to take him back or maybe its Jeanae's turn once more, he's not sure, he tries not to keep track of Pete's love life.
He just knows that it's not his, that Pete made that decision and he'll eventually remember why he made it and Ryan doesn't want his heart as damaged as it was back then.
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Pete and the others return with food and Ryan tries not to feel like the odd man out with the entirety of Fall Out Boy sitting in a circle on the floor with him eating dinner.
He feels young, like a kid that's being allowed to eat at the grownup table, even if that table is a span of carpet in a hotel room.
Because while Pete is leering at him every so often, glaring defiantly at Patrick when he rests a hand on Ryan's knee… Patrick keeps reminding him to eat and Joe keeps putting food on his plate.
"When's your concert?" Ryan asks, when Andy takes a break from his attempt to convert Ryan to veganism. He'd tried, once, it wasn't really his thing.
"Tomorrow night," Patrick says.
"You'll come on stage with us," Pete announces.
"I will?" Ryan asks at the same time as Patrick's, "he will?"
"Well he's here, we're here. It's kismet, fate," Pete grins widely, Ryan narrows his eyes and doesn't trust it.
"You're afraid that I'm going to sneak off when you're on stage and either get my own room or go home."
"I'm not afraid of any such thing."
Patrick snorts and Joe snickers into his hand, Andy just rolls his eyes.
"I promised Jon that I would stay for the wedding," Ryan says. "I'm not going back on that now that I've been measured for the tux and everything. Do you know how painful an experience that was? I got stuck with pins four times and had to keep telling the guy who was fitting me that I didn't want rosettes on the cummerbund and that if he tried to put me in pink I was killing him."
"Jon thought it was all quite amusing," Pete nods. "Though he was disappointed that you vetoed the rosettes and wouldn't even contemplate lace."
******************************************************************************
The wedding is small, intimate and beautiful. It's exactly what Jon and Cassie wanted so Ryan is happy for them.
Jon entrusts Ryan with his camera for the day and he takes roll after roll of pictures when he isn't being tasked with various duties as one of Jon's three best men.
He only notices that Ashlee is there when she steps right in front of him and he almost runs into her, Jon and Cassie are being sweet up on the dais and he'd wanted to get a good picture of it.
He instead wraps his arms around the camera to protect it just in case Ashlee decides to get violent.
She's staring at him and he's fidgeting and wondering where the half a dozen people that he under normal circumstances can't get rid of have vanished off to.
"I don't know what your game is," she says finally, "but you've managed to fool them all into thinking you're some delicate flower that needs to be protected."
"I don't know what you're talking about," Ryan says, because he doesn't. He thinks Ashlee might be insane, it's probably what drew Pete to her in the first place, Pete seems to like people that have a few screws loose.
He pointedly doesn't think about what that says about him.
He hopes she doesn't get violent and ruin Jon and Cassie's day, and then wonders why she's there in the first place if she and Pete have broken up.
She smiles at him, it's a thin and not nice smile, Ryan doesn't return it because he thinks that she might be contemplating ways to murder him and make it look like an accident.
She turns and walks away and Patrick appears at his shoulder right after she takes four steps.
"What's she doing here?" he wonders, Ryan shrugs.
"Contemplating murder?"
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Ashlee doesn't approach him again, kept back by Patrick, who's hovering at Ryan's shoulder and glaring at her when she looks like she's going to walk up to him again.
She doesn't approach Pete either, he doesn't have anyone at his shoulder but Ryan doesn't think he needs to with the expression on his face whenever she looks like she's going to sidle up alongside him.
Ryan wonders again what exactly had been said (or shouted as the case may be) to cause this level of animosity between her and Pete and rest of the guys.
This isn't just because of him, it can't be.
There's something else going on here that he can't put his finger on, maybe because he doesn't have all the facts and no one will tell him what those facts are when he asks.
She stays on the far side of the room and she watches them and Ryan's not sure what she's hoping to accomplish by coming into what should be enemy territory for her.
"I sent her an invitation," Cassie appears at his elbow. "Back when she and Pete were still together."
"Has she even offered her congratulations to you and Jon yet?" Ryan asks, he's been watching and he doesn't think she's even once approached the newlyweds.
"I think she's too busy imagining ways to torture and destroy you," Jon says, his arms loops around Cassie's waist and Ryan doesn't look envious but only because he's really happy for them.
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He goes back to the room alone; Pete had been talking to Patrick, heads bent close together.
His bags were packed that morning when Pete had been distracted by, what Ryan now assumes were phone calls warning of Ashlee's imminent arrival. All he has to do now is grab them and go.
It feels too easy.
He has his plane ticket booked already, accomplished during one of the few ten minutes spans where Pete left him alone, he probably paid much more then he should have but he doesn't care.
For days that overpriced plane ticket has been his symbol of freedom.
Of peace and quiet.
Jon has his address in his coat pocket, slipped in there by Ryan's hand when Jon had taken it off to go dance with Cassie, there's a note there asking for copies of the pictures, along with his address.
He's not trying to hide, doesn't want to feel as if he's afraid of his family.
His phone number is there as well and he hopes that they call and warn him when they get ready to descend upon him.
He leaves the keycard on the desk and takes a quick look around the room to make sure that he hasn't forgotten anything.
His laptop is over his shoulder and his bag is on the floor by the door where he'd left it, he feels like he's running away and he squashes that emotion.
He'd told them, that once the wedding was done, that he was going home.
Alone.
And he is.
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He doesn't breathe again until he walks through his front door, he'd been so sure that someone would figure out what he was doing and that he'd be caught at the airport or in the lobby, or just caught before he could escape.
No one had, he thinks that he's been so concerned about someone stopping him from going home when he should have been more concerned about how he was getting there.
He's been traveling for hours, he probably should have played closer attention to the ticket itinerary, because instead of the straight shot that he'd had when he'd traveled with Pete, he'd had two layovers that had felt like forever.
He puts his bags down by the door and stretches.
"Jesus Ryan, did you take the most indirect route that you could find?" he hears and he doesn't jump. Just closes his eyes and leans against the door.
Pete appears in the doorway leading to the living room, he's in sleep pants and he isn't wearing a t-shirt, Hemmy appears by his bare feet after a second.
"Pete," he says with resignation. He guesses that it's better then Spencer and Brendon appearing suddenly.
"You're not getting rid of me that easily, I thought you would have figured that out by now."
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Pete had allowed him to shower and change, clean out his bag and start a load of laundry (Ryan pretends not to notice Pete tossing his whites in alongside his) before he'd pulled him down on the couch alongside him.
Right now he's holding him loosely, Ryan could move if he wanted to, instead he's letting his head rest on Pete's shoulder and dozing.
"I ordered a bed for the spare room," Pete says quietly, Ryan stiffens slightly at the presumption that Pete could make decisions as to what is going in rooms in his house.
"Brendon and Spencer will be here in a few days, they booked their tickets before you took off from the wedding reception, thus proving, that in this, I know you better then they do," Ryan tries to ignore the self-satisfaction, the glee in Pete's tone.
"Pete…" Ryan starts, he shifts and Pete's grip tightens.
"They just want to see, Ryan, to make sure that you're okay here," Pete says softly. "It's only for a few days."
"Are you leaving when they do?"
Pete sighs, breath puffing against his ear. "I'm not leaving until you kick me out."
"You have your own house," Ryan reminds him. "It's like four times the size of mine."
"And yet in your house, in your town, I was able to stop for coffee and not get mobbed by the teenies waiting alongside me for theirs. I like it here."
Ryan wonders if there was a town meeting held to tell everyone who he was and who might be coming through town in order to visit him.
He wonders if he should ask for a transcript from Mark to make sure that no one was missed and that a petition to force him out hasn't been started.
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The bed is delivered two days later, Ryan has spent those two days figuring out where the stuff that remains in boxes in the spare room needs to go so that there is floor space in which to place the bed.
While he's busy in the spare bedroom organizing, Pete has been busy in the living room redecorating.
His desk has been moved in there, in front of the window overlooking his backyard.
He wonders why he didn't think of placing it there, it has perfect light and is sunny and cheerful.
It's also really distracting; he spends an hour one afternoon watching Pete watching Hemmy chase leaves across the yard instead of writing.
Pete sleeps with him in his bed at night, an arm tossed casually over his chest, leg laying over his. He's not pressing for anything, though he has started laying kisses along the back of Ryan's neck when he passes by him, which he does frequently.
Ryan decides this is Pete's way of acclimatizing Ryan to his presence once more, but he can't figure out why Pete is moving so slow and he wants to tell Pete that he doesn't need to acclimatize him.
Ryan had thought he knew all Pete's moves but these ones are unfamiliar and they feel old and clunky and a lot like old-fashioned courting…
It's nice, he writes a whole chapter one night (going horribly off outline for the second time since he started his story) about the man that is wooing the hero; an old lover that has suddenly descended once more in the hopes of regaining what they'd thought lost.
Ryan contemplates cutting it out, it feels nonsensical, but it also feels like a part of the whole journey the hero is taking, so he leaves it.
Ryan thinks that a year ago Pete would have already had Ryan naked and willing in his bed, lack of desire had never been their problem and still isn't.
Because he's woken up every morning since Pete first came to his little cottage feeling Pete pressed against his leg.
He just can't figure out why Pete hasn't done anything, before he would snap his fingers and blink, maybe wink and Ryan would be ready and willing.
Now it feels like he's waiting and Ryan can't figure out for what.
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Brendon and Spencer arrive the day that Ryan finishes his book.
He's made amazing progress since he returned home; the words flowing from his fingers almost faster then he can type them.
When he types 'The End' and saves it for the last time it hurts a little. He's finished it and he's not sure what he'll do with all his time now that he's done.
For now, he closes the document, shuts his laptop down and stretches.
He can see Pete laying on his back in the yard, Hemmy is sprawled next to his legs and Ryan pushes back his chair and goes out to join them.
When he sits down, cross-legged, next to Pete he opens one eye and then raises his arm to glance at his watch.
"You still have like 45 minutes left," Pete says, he lets his arm fall over Ryan's legs and closes his eyes again.
"I'm finished," Ryan says, he picks a blade of grass and rolls it between his fingers.
Pete cracks an eye open again.
"Finished?"
"My book, it's finished," Ryan shrugs. Like it's nothing important that he finished his book, Pete wants to read it and maybe years and years into the future Ryan will let him.
"I want to read it," Pete says. They've had the same conversation for days, Ryan always says no. He thinks that maybe Pete is just saying what he thinks he should be, it's like he's read a self-help book on repairing broken relationships and Chapter 3 is express an interest in your partners hobbies.
"I don't…"
"I want to read it Ryan," Pete says, his voice is even and careful and his eyes are open and watching Ryan.
"It was just something that I was working on, it's not that good," Ryan says. It needs to be edited and proof read and whole chapters need to be revised, it's definitely not ready for anyone besides Ryan to read.
"You let me be the judge of that."
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They're eating when Spencer and Brendon arrive, Hemmy is sitting under the table at Pete's feet waiting for the inevitable handout, Pete is a sucker when it comes to his dog.
Ryan has been kind of picking at his food, he's waiting for Pete to say something but he doesn't. Ryan has been expecting Brendon and Spencer all day, his nerves are slightly on end and when the knock finally comes he jumps and feels shocked when he realizes that they're here.
He looks around his little cottage and he sees how small it is, and wonders how Pete can stand to be here with him when he's got a veritable mansion waiting for him.
Pete squeezes his hand when he stands up to go let them in, he wants to get up, say 'this is my house, my door, let me do this', instead he sits there and lets Pete kiss his cheek when he passes by.
He hears their voices and he pushes his plate away and stands up, he turns just as Pete leads them into the kitchen.
Spencer looks tired and comes right to Ryan, arms pulling him into a tight hug, Brendon hangs back by the door but Ryan can tell that he wants to be there, when he looks over he lets his lips twist into a slight smile, it isn't totally forced and Brendon walks over to them.
Wraps his arms around both of them together and lays his forehead against Ryan's temple.
From the door Pete just watches, Ryan closes his eyes and lets them hold onto him.
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