English story--open for corrections
Okay, so I had an english assingment based off Earnest Hemmingway's Hills Like White Elephants to write for Monday, and I wanted to post it here so my friends could edit it for me, but I figured I'd let everyone help if they were so inclined.
The requirements are:
- 300 to 500 words (it's 548)
- title must be a simile about the scenery
- there must be a conflict
There was a small, gray mouse nibbling on some crumbs in the corner. He almost hadn’t noticed it. Everything was gray in this apartment. It was rather gray outside too. A cloud of smoke from a nearby factory that reminded him of a low-hanging rain cloud floated dismally by the window.
Philip glanced around the dingy apartment that Marian shared with nine other women. The walls were gray. The chairs and rugs were in the process of turning gray. The floor was even beginning to gray, but that could have been the thick layer of dust that no one bothered to clean up. All the women living the small building were too busy trying to pay the rent to clean.
Their situation was much better than most during this difficult time. Marian lived in the apartment with nine other women and, even though it was cramped, if everyone pitched in, the rent was paid on time every month. Philip was in a similar arrangement with eleven men.
This train of thought brought Philip back to why he was in Marian’s apartment in the first place. The two of them had been seeing each other as often as they could for the past two years. The other day, Philip had finally asked Marian to marry him. He was sure she would say yes, they were hopelessly in love with each other.
Unfortunately, and to his great surprise, she had said no. He supposed he could see her reasoning. It was hard times for everyone right now. No one had any money, people were being laid off left and right. Philip himself had lost his job and now had to take anything he could get for money. He had a few odd jobs here and there, doing small things to get a few dollars a day.
Marian was not much better off. She worked as a waitress, but used her pay for rent and lived off of tips.
“Philip, what am I going to do with you?” Marian asked him, jerking him out of his thoughts. He looked at her, sorrow evident in his eyes.
“Why won’t you marry me, Marian? We could get by, I know we could,” he pleaded, grasping one of her hands.
“We can’t, you know that. We can’t afford an apartment together, that’s why we’re living like we are. It’d be so expensive.”
“But I love you, isn’t that enough?” She continued as if she hadn’t heard him and began pacing.
“And what about a family? Birth control is so unreliable these days and if it failed, then we’d be stuck. Abortion is illegal and then we’d have another mouth to feed and body to clothe. It’d be so much money. We couldn’t do it, we couldn’t!”
“Marian,” Philip began softly.
“No, listen to me. I love you, you know I do. I would be the happiest woman in the world if I could marry you, but I can’t. You have to understand, it’s impossible.”
“Marian,” he said more insistently.
“What, Philip?” she snarled, whipping around to face him. He caught her face in his hands and pulled her in for a fierce kiss. When they broke apart, she leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
“I think about it.”
And yes, I know the title sucks.
The requirements are:
- 300 to 500 words (it's 548)
- title must be a simile about the scenery
- there must be a conflict
There was a small, gray mouse nibbling on some crumbs in the corner. He almost hadn’t noticed it. Everything was gray in this apartment. It was rather gray outside too. A cloud of smoke from a nearby factory that reminded him of a low-hanging rain cloud floated dismally by the window.
Philip glanced around the dingy apartment that Marian shared with nine other women. The walls were gray. The chairs and rugs were in the process of turning gray. The floor was even beginning to gray, but that could have been the thick layer of dust that no one bothered to clean up. All the women living the small building were too busy trying to pay the rent to clean.
Their situation was much better than most during this difficult time. Marian lived in the apartment with nine other women and, even though it was cramped, if everyone pitched in, the rent was paid on time every month. Philip was in a similar arrangement with eleven men.
This train of thought brought Philip back to why he was in Marian’s apartment in the first place. The two of them had been seeing each other as often as they could for the past two years. The other day, Philip had finally asked Marian to marry him. He was sure she would say yes, they were hopelessly in love with each other.
Unfortunately, and to his great surprise, she had said no. He supposed he could see her reasoning. It was hard times for everyone right now. No one had any money, people were being laid off left and right. Philip himself had lost his job and now had to take anything he could get for money. He had a few odd jobs here and there, doing small things to get a few dollars a day.
Marian was not much better off. She worked as a waitress, but used her pay for rent and lived off of tips.
“Philip, what am I going to do with you?” Marian asked him, jerking him out of his thoughts. He looked at her, sorrow evident in his eyes.
“Why won’t you marry me, Marian? We could get by, I know we could,” he pleaded, grasping one of her hands.
“We can’t, you know that. We can’t afford an apartment together, that’s why we’re living like we are. It’d be so expensive.”
“But I love you, isn’t that enough?” She continued as if she hadn’t heard him and began pacing.
“And what about a family? Birth control is so unreliable these days and if it failed, then we’d be stuck. Abortion is illegal and then we’d have another mouth to feed and body to clothe. It’d be so much money. We couldn’t do it, we couldn’t!”
“Marian,” Philip began softly.
“No, listen to me. I love you, you know I do. I would be the happiest woman in the world if I could marry you, but I can’t. You have to understand, it’s impossible.”
“Marian,” he said more insistently.
“What, Philip?” she snarled, whipping around to face him. He caught her face in his hands and pulled her in for a fierce kiss. When they broke apart, she leaned her head against his chest and wrapped her arms around him.
“I think about it.”
And yes, I know the title sucks.