talking till 3 AM
~*today was going normal then something really weird happened to me...i saw tom. ok stay with me here it gets odd. we looked eachother right in the eyes but it was like he looked right through me. it felt like i was looking at a statue or a corpse or something that wasnt living and breathing and standing 3 feet away from me. it kinda me feel worried. i'm worried about tom and all the shit he's going through right now. i think people just need to leave him alone and accept that he may **gasp** be happy. but when i looked at him he looked alive but his eyes looked empty dead-like. i still really care about tom and it makes me sick to think i'm afraid to even look at him because of what i did to him. he didn't deserve it and honestly i don't know why i did it besides the face that i'm a spineless idiot. also then after today i feel that things between us are even weirder now. i would do anything to change that but i know i can't. i just can't stop thinking about him lately. maybe i thought too much into this but its just how i feel.
~*well on a happier note i'm going to the JV game thursday with zack! and we're actully going to watch most **caugh caugh** of the game LOL! he seems like an awesome guy despite our obvoius age differences. i just can't help myself with the illgeal hotties! but i've been talking to his X and she can only say pretty awesome things about him so thats cool. i can't really see anything between us going that far but i really don't want it to you know? i'm sick of getting hurt and hurting people. i dont want to say i'm scared but i actually really am i really suck in the relationship department...like really BAD. but right now i just want to have fun or at least trick my brain into thinking that i am having a good time...either way works
~*well on a happier note i'm going to the JV game thursday with zack! and we're actully going to watch most **caugh caugh** of the game LOL! he seems like an awesome guy despite our obvoius age differences. i just can't help myself with the illgeal hotties! but i've been talking to his X and she can only say pretty awesome things about him so thats cool. i can't really see anything between us going that far but i really don't want it to you know? i'm sick of getting hurt and hurting people. i dont want to say i'm scared but i actually really am i really suck in the relationship department...like really BAD. but right now i just want to have fun or at least trick my brain into thinking that i am having a good time...either way works