Apr 22, 2008 23:10
Wow its been a long time. Sorry about that. Things have just been crazy busy. I've either been too busy or not in the mood. Right now i'm probably too busy, but oh well it gives me something to do besides homework and mope about not seeing Sean. Well, life...
School: Classes are going well, they're kind of stressful i'm worried about my relationship psych class grade its a low A now and to keep it an A i need to get at least a 93% or so on my final exam. Hmm everything else is ok i think. I have a B in piano, but i'm sure i'll be able to bring that up. Classes are getting really stressful because of play practice on top of everything else. I had a little bit of a break down in my piano lesson last week my teacher was really understanding though she said i only had to learn the white key minor scales which is wonderful. hmm Experimental psych is total BS she never teaches i really hate going. i feel like i've learned nothing. My english class is great. I feel like i'm learning so much and my writing is improving with each paper, i'm just worried about getting my next one in on time. Also there is the rooming issue. I was really wanting a single room, but even though i was first in line for rising freshmen to apply for rooms none were left so i may end up being with a girl named Jenny, who i met today and she seems really sweet. But i applied to be a mentor and if that works out then i will have my single yay!
The Play: I love the play its really amazing. I have an amazing character (Joanna) I have an affair, i have a crying seen, i go crazy. I'm super excited, but i can not wait for it to be over. This thing has caused so much stress. We had to replace a major character several weeks in, and the set has only just been finished and we're almost done with costumes... and the play starts Thursday. As of late i have been starting at 6 and not getting done til 10:30 so i have very little time to relax during the day b/c i'm doing the hw i normally do at night, and on top of that because i don't get out til 10:30pm Sean and i only get to talk for a half hour or so and that's really brutal, but i'll talk more about that later. I love the people i'm working with they're so funny and we laugh a lot and talk about sex a lot so its a lot of fun. I'm really a theater person at heart, but never had the chance to show it til recently. Joanna's really a "prove yourself" role. Overall i'm super excited about the play but at the same time it needs to die.
Friends: Not too much going on here, i haven't had much time to talk with anyone. Josh Atkins a friend here gets a little too cuddley with me sometimes, which makes me feel a little awkward, but he's a really sweet guy... what else is wierd is that he reminds me a whole lot of TJ... Yeah... anyways. Shawn is doing well, he broke up w/ Ace and is dating... Lauren... or perhaps is Laura... i can never remember, but he's happy and i'm really glad. Otherwise nothing much is new.
Love life: well Sean and i are still going strong... oh and on good friday (March 21, 2008) Sean came up to visit and we made love for the first time. It was so sweet it might have been a little better if i hadn't given him 3 blowjobs earlier that day, but it was still wonderful, there was no pain and i didn't cum, but it was really all i wanted it to be. I have no regrets, but it makes being away from each other all the harder. Its a very rare occasion when i don't cry when i have to leave him to go back to school on the weekends. He's the really the most wonderful guy i could ever ask for. He's always so concerned about me but not in a creepy smothering kind of way. He always makes me feel loved, and when he does mess up, usually by saying something with completely thinking it through first, it always feel horrible about it and tries to make amends. I honestly even though i may flirt or eyeball other guys i can not see myself dating anyone else. He's all i could ever ask for in a boyfriend... well and still expect him to be straight lol. Although this play has really been making things rough though. I haven't been able to come in town because of it and recitals for my music scholarship/degree, and i feel like i'm neglecting him, and it makes me really not want to do plays next semester, but he assures me that its ok and he knows how much i love it, but from now on i think i'm going to write that i only want to be in the plays if i have a decent role, oh and i'm going to read them to make sure they're worth while. Well more about my new sex life because i'm sure you all want to know more. Well my fav position so far is me on top. we do it when we can but we still make sure to cuddle and such so its not all about the sex. Hmmmm we haven't really done anything exciting, we've been trying new positions, rear entry doesn't really work for us. perhaps i'm just a little too bootylicious. And oddly i've noticed now that i've started to have sex my orgasms when i masturbate are a lot more intense... perhaps because i'm associating my dildo with what i've been doing w/ Sean now, but i really couldn't say way. I told my mom... through email of course and she was really understanding which i'm glad that could have been really awkward. Hmm i'm not sure what else to say about it. Ask questions if you want to know more, i'd be glad to tell all.
Someone also commented that they read my lj for romance ideas... i think that's kind of funny because i never really considered myself romantic. Sean does do romantic things though he buys me random things that are really sweet (against my will of course) like he bought me this framed mantra ish thing that talks about how cancer doesn't lessen you it just makes you stronger... i'm summarizing i'll post it later. Otherwise we really don't do much else, we like to just walk around the mall and hang out. Going out to public places really brings out a different side of the relationship perhaps it plays on the i want to show my partner off but i really enjoy it we always have a lot of fun plus it sparks a lot of conversation. We also just like to sit and relax watch a movie i really enjoy that because we just get to cuddle and enjoy each other's company not to mention its a prime opportunity to do cruel destracting manuvers ie Biting the other person's neck or sliding your hand under their clothes. Also we're planning fun little dates for the summer, like the science center, the zoo the art museum, the sculpture park etc etc. otherwise I don't know what else to say about this subject ... hm i'll think about it...
Misc: I've been having emotional problems lately. I cry a lot and i got really depressed like last saturday like suicidal thoughts depressed (i would never do anything though i'm too prideful for that). I talked w/ Sean, of course leaving the suicidal part out, and he really helped make me feel happy. Keeping busy really helps though, but maybe its not helping, but just masking the problem... oh well it's probably just stress anyway (it was after my mom, dad, aunt and bro had come to visit me... it was really quite horrible). I get along great with my sister we really bonded over the losing my virginity thing. hmmm what else oh and my mother expects me to take a placement math test sometime this week and find out about storage units for my things. Like i needed more of the stress, i think i may just take the math class next summer, i am already taking History and a gym class. Plus i don't have a calculator except the one that's on my desk top on the computer. My diet didn't work so i'm just going to wait til summer, but i feel so fat and huge and ugly right now. OH and i'm freaking HOT!!! I don't have an air conditioner for my dorm so i'm not very comfortable, oh also i found my prom dress i'm so excited i can't wait to see Sean's face... well that's about all i can think of...
Hmmm well That's about it as far as what's going on lately. I'll try and be more consistant with my entries, i'm done with classes on the 10th so perhaps that'll actually be possible.
Til next time
Lani