Process (Retrofitting the Pieces, 3/4; 31_days, 22/11)
Title: Process
Series: Retrofitting the Pieces (3/4)
Rating: PG
Warnings: None specifcally for this part, but the series deals with the aftermath of an abusive relationship
Characters: Sven Kramer, Håvard Bøkko, Naomi van As
Pairing: gen
Disclaimer: Over 100% lies.
Word Count: 334.
Notes: Uh, yeah. 31_days continues to be my muse, as I'm sure you're all vey surprised to hear. (I did not forget to put in a title, that was totally on purpose, I swear.)
Summary: He has no business being angry at anyone but himself and her, but knowing that doesn't change anything.
It slowly gets better, or maybe his expectations have been lowered so dramatically by now that any change seems like an improvement, but at least there is change. It’s a sad thing to be relieved about, and it feels uncomfortably selfish, but thing is… the thing is, it’s hard.
He wants his best friend back, and he wants his wife to be able to relax and stop walking on eggshells. (He wants to be the center point of their relationships again. It’s a terribly selfish desire, yes, but Naomi and Håvard were comfortable as friendly acquaintances and this new configuration isn’t easy for them, either.)
It’s not fair. None of it is.
And that’s selfish, too, because however hard it is for him, or for Naomi, it’s Håvard that lived through years of her, and neither of them has anything to complain about in the face of that, do they? (But it’s still not fair. Well. Selfish and immature. It’s frustrating, but it can’t be. Shouldn’t be. For Håvard’s sake, at least.)
He worries they’re being too controlling themselves, that they’re doing too much, and not enough, and everything all at the same time.
***
He knows, to the second (tick tock, tick tock, tick tock) how long it’s been since Håvard’s been back, but he doesn’t know what to do with the information.
Is it too long?
Too short?
Just right?
(Why is he thinking of fucking Goldilocks when this is so serious?)
***
Sven knows he has no business being angry (except at himself, and at her), but knowing this is not doing anything to counter the fact that he is seething with anger that he hopes is contained enough Håvard doesn’t see it, and that perhaps makes him no better than her when he’s so full of rage at the last person he should possibly ever be mad at.
***
It’s just so hard, and he doesn’t know what to do or how to really help in a, well, helpful way.
It’s not fair.