(no subject)
i recently discovered that my brother's dog, a 15 year old cocker spaniel passed away of cancer three days ago. i haven't seen my brother or his wife and dogs in about a year and a half, and i miss him terribly. i was reading an extensive post that my brother wrote about how much bud meant to him, and how much time he spent with him.
i feel i should preface this with something specific. my brother and i both went through some pretty hard times around the age of 17-23, mostly because of our crazy parents and their ridiculous, crazy notions as to how was the proper way to behave, their cult-like religious practices, and their own mental illness. my brother often took the brunt of taking care of me and helping me with all of my problems, when my parents were incapable of raising me. when they finally divorced and stopped interfering in my business (leaving me cut off and abandonded in a county i had never lived in before), i did some dumb things and got involved in some things that were less than what a loving family member would have wanted for someone they cared for. my brother saw me through everything during this time. he held me up when i didn't know what to do. he talked to me on the phone once a week for years, checking on me, looking after me, kicking my ass, and treating me like a normal human being. i never would have got back into college if it hadn't been for him, and if i had never gone back to college, i probably would have killed myself a few years ago. i'm not going to lie. ad was my role model, and took a parenting role that he never should have had to take because it was the right thing to do. he's my hero and was my lifeline, but bud was his.
i love my brother. i discovered because of this that my parents wanted him institutionalized during that time because they thought he was crazy - for having a little sense and hating the way they lived life. for going thorugh the struggles that anyone in his position would have had to, despite the fact that he was handling it better than most would have. i'm horrified that those two fucking nutjobs would have the power to turn such hateful, selfish feelings upon their own son - a man who is wonderful, and strong, and admirable.
i miss and love you big brother.
i feel i should preface this with something specific. my brother and i both went through some pretty hard times around the age of 17-23, mostly because of our crazy parents and their ridiculous, crazy notions as to how was the proper way to behave, their cult-like religious practices, and their own mental illness. my brother often took the brunt of taking care of me and helping me with all of my problems, when my parents were incapable of raising me. when they finally divorced and stopped interfering in my business (leaving me cut off and abandonded in a county i had never lived in before), i did some dumb things and got involved in some things that were less than what a loving family member would have wanted for someone they cared for. my brother saw me through everything during this time. he held me up when i didn't know what to do. he talked to me on the phone once a week for years, checking on me, looking after me, kicking my ass, and treating me like a normal human being. i never would have got back into college if it hadn't been for him, and if i had never gone back to college, i probably would have killed myself a few years ago. i'm not going to lie. ad was my role model, and took a parenting role that he never should have had to take because it was the right thing to do. he's my hero and was my lifeline, but bud was his.
i love my brother. i discovered because of this that my parents wanted him institutionalized during that time because they thought he was crazy - for having a little sense and hating the way they lived life. for going thorugh the struggles that anyone in his position would have had to, despite the fact that he was handling it better than most would have. i'm horrified that those two fucking nutjobs would have the power to turn such hateful, selfish feelings upon their own son - a man who is wonderful, and strong, and admirable.
i miss and love you big brother.