talked

[lancecappy]

well, i talked with ryan finially. that was interesting. I called him at 4ish and got voicemail. Well it was killing me again after 8ish, so i called him and he picked up. he was like hey, so i was like hey hows it going, he was like ok, i asked how the drive was and said fine. he asked if i was at school or home. i was like school till tuesday. i asked if he watched the game. he was like yeah. Well, then he was just jumped in about soo have not been talking for a while. i was like yeahhhhh. he said it was the away messages that freaked him out and that is what made him not talk. He was like apparently u were not over it and that is why i did not talk. i was like they were just lyrics. he was like no they were not i know better and my friends were weirded out. I dont know who, i am thinking tyler or matt, but yeah. I want to hear more on that issue!!! then he was saying that is why he has not been talking. I was like well i did not like how he said he was busy and was really ignoring me. I was like in the beginning u said it. he was like i was no, i was like no u were not! i was like u were ignoring me and i did not like that. he was like we will be fine once u get up here. I was like i have been fine for a while, he was like no u were not, i started to laugh. he was like yeah that is why u r laughing bc u know u were not fine. I was like it just took me a while to accept it, that is it. Which is true, i was fine after a while i just wanted to talk to him in general! I was going ot tell him i just found it funny that we are able to read each other really well. He did say he did not want to drop me out totally. So he wants to move on as much as me. He was asking if i be ok once i got home so we could hang out. I was like yeah i am fine now. he was like are sure. i was like yes! i am better now than before, which is true. I am still not sold on teh idea of that we are just friends just bc actions speak louder than words. But i dont know, i might just have to drop it and deal with it and i dont like the idea of that, but i feel that is all i have till he realize or something!!!!! whatever, he will always have my heart in some way, i just think highly of him in general and he is such a good guy, even after all of this. He is still a good friend, i dont know how i deserve him at times. I feel if i saw him, i would give him a hug and just start cry even!!! just overwelled with emotions.

hmmm i just had an idea spark into my head!!! alright i never bring up the issue with him what is going, i try to drop it and he brings it up more than i do i think u know! like i told him how i felt, then after the make out session i asked what the deal was at the bus stop adn he told me. i was like ok. then he is the one that said he was sorry and then we did the not talking then he is the one that brought it up tonight and i was not. so yeah. I wonder if he saying he wants to be friends to tell himself that u know? i wonderrrrrr...u got to wonder at times u know

well that is my life with ryan as always, damn confusing!!!!!! right now i have the hurt lyrics up and i just have them up bc i like that song right now. so he better not read into that, bc i will be like omg no not in those lyrics, i love that song right now.

so yeah....comments, questions?