RIP: Michael Jackson
It is hard for me to express how I feel tonight.
There's a lot I want to say, but I'm afraid that I won't be able to find the right words to properly express how I feel.
I am both saddened and depressed by the loss of Michael Jackson.
Michael meant a lot to me. I grew up as a child if the 80s and I remember just about everything Michael Jackson did. I remember the Pepsi commercials. I remember eagerly anticipating each and every music video that would debut on MTV. I even remember the night the Thriller music video debuted! I was at a friend's house whose whole family liked Michael Jackson and I really liked him a lot too. Thriller cemented my interest in Michael as an artist, a performer, a dancer, and a singer.
I remember the larger than life persona he had and the moments where he was on top of the world. All the while, he never became greedy, corrupt, or ungrateful. He always remained sweet, thankful for everything, hopeful, and loving towards everyone.
The very first album I ever went to a record store to buy was Bad. Yeah, I remember the controversy of how "white" he looked, but I looked past that and appreciated the the songs and the new music videos all over again. I became a die-hard fan. When I was young, I even wanted to dance like him and I mimicked him all the time. I even remember dancing in front of my mom once, spasming like an idiot trying to pretend to be like Michael Jackson... I could be embarrassed to have that memory, but instead I cherish it now.
I saw Moonwalker, the movie. Yeah, terrible movie, I know, but there were a lot of parts I just loved.
"Leave Me Alone," in which he took a shot at all the negative people in his life, defending himself and proving that he was strong enough to even satire and laugh at himself...
"Speed Demon," probably would have never been able to explain it fully back then, but knowing me now, you gotta understand why I would love this video. Michael, once again, feels the need to escape from the crazy people in his life. He goes on one hell of a flight of fancy, in which he becomes a clay-mation anthro rabbit of himself, actually shapeshifts a lot, and pulls some tricks to get away.
"Smooth Criminal," probably the best part of the movie, in which his style of dance blends perfectly with a fun 1930s gangster theme. It became so iconic the theme itself spawned a video game.
Outside of the video, there was more shapeshifting. Michael actually transforms into a car and a mechanized robot! Given a budget, you actually see some pretty detailed and awesome transformations. Well, okay, the car was done in shadow, but the car looked cool when it pulled out and the robotic transformation was very detailed!
Beyond the movie, you remember his transformations in "Thriller," the morphing part in "Black or White," turning into a black panther in the uneditted ending of that... Michael Jackson seemed to have a thing for transformation. You know how I can definitely relate to that. I'd even go so far as to say those TFs probably did help me get into TF, partially at least, but undeniably.
To me, seeing Michael Jackson transform was Michael trying to express himself in so many ways, just being human wasn't enough any more. He shifted his shape to express things in more than one form. I really admired him for being able to morph his image and his body that way in such a public fashion. He wove that into his identity at times in the same way I do now.
It wasn't just TF, though. In a way, I thought we were kindred spirits. On the level of being an artist, I just... I wanted to talk to him, get to know him, talk about the music videos and everything... he seemed so fascinating and I wanted to get to know him better, understand his creativity and hopefully mutually share some inspiration.
The 1990s got ugly. I felt bad for Michael, but as things went from bad to worst, it was tough to support him when the whole world seemed to turn against him. I never believed in the child molestation allegations, however I had to admit he was getting progressively weirder and weirder. I would often shake my head and ask, "Michael, what are you DOING?!" I would later find out drugs were starting affect him and his judgment, though nothing got to him worse than the child molestation charges. I think that really knocked him to the ground, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. The world loved you and all of a sudden they hated you...
(Let me make it clear, I do not believe Michael Jackson ever molested anyone. All comments throwing that back in my face will be ignored. Regardless of what everyone believes, he want to court, was found not guilty, and we all had a chance to move on.)
Sadly, he never was able to shake the allegations. I think his drug use either returned or got worse. I believe his health was fading. I believe he wasn't surrounding himself with the right people. I believe he pushed himself too hard at a later age, trying to perform like he was still 21 when he's in fact 50. I think the botched plastic surgeries were demoralizing and the skin disorder he had that gave him embarrassing blotches definitely didn't help either. He never really got over people believing he just bleached his skin. He hid himself more and more in bandages and with the notorious face mask.
It seemed Michael Jackson just went on a different downward spiral that, it became too easy to make fun of him and yet no one could reach him to pull him back up.
He never got the big come back he deserved. That's what saddened me the most. I see this as a real tragedy. Michael Jackson didn't deserve to die being remembered like this. He deserved better. I didn't speak much on Michael Jackson because he had faded so far from the limelight, however I always remained a die-hard fan and I had hoped for an epic come back that would bring all the fans back.
It just... never happened. His legacy is so tainted and it's so... depressing.
I want to remember Michael Jackson for his soul... not "Early" Michael Jackson, not "Thriller or Billy Jean" Michael Jackson, because that was not the whole of who he was. I want to look at Michael Jackson, his whole life, but the one thing in that that never changed... his soul. He was one of the kindest and most giving celebraties the world will ever know. It is a true shame to see him go.
I don't care what anyone else says. I, for one, will miss him. I am deeply saddened to see him go.
Thank you, Michael... for everything. You inspired me and millions of others. Hopefully, you will continue to do so for many years to come.