haha email i got today from Mr.C
>MessageConcession Speech
> [Former candidate Felber, flanked by his family and supporters,
steps up
>to the podium in the bright autumn sunlight. Cheers and applause are
>heard.]
>
>
> My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and
spoken
>with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. [Boos,
groans,
>rending of garments]
>
> I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American
people.
>Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue,
you
>saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really
special.
>And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those
kids who
>ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while
eating
>pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.
>
> I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty
powerful
>stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate
the
>President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the
ballot
>in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius.
Genius. It
>got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented
>number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their
biggest
>issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex
>marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the
economy...
>Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove
did.
>Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's
due.
>
> I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out
of 10
>of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying
daily
>in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay
for
>rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses
and
>watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried
the
>day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in
2000.
>You suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank you. Thank you
very
>much.
>
> There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the
time
>for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little
story.
>Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here in
Los
>Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously
about
>secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We
in
>blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country
and pay
>the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the
money
>from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states
are the
>only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the
red
>states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states
>produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while
you
>in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state
>civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror,
while
>red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh,
yeah!?
>Bring it on!"
>
> More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein
had
>something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your
sons and
>daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in
the
>urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but
those
>of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because
you
>can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy
that
>luxury. I concede that.
>
> Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who
>subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms
about
>the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates
us...
>we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to
give it
>to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better:
America
>doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't
need to
>unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not
when
>it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational
>breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the
vain
>hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally
>inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you
>insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done
just
>that.
>
> It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the
same.
>
> Being an independent candidate gives me one luxury - as well as
>conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for
>President in 2008. [Wild applause, screams, chants of "Fel-ber!
Fel-ber!]
>Thank you.
>
> And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there
will be
>no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking
contempt
>for my opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of
>liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the
>"white-wine sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple
folk of
>America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to
serving
>and studying the nation and the world. They don't.
>
> So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm
talking to
>you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred
drones,
>you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school
grads.
>Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can
help
>your smug, sorry asses. Vote Felber in '08! Thank you, and may God, if
he
>does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.
>
> [Tumultuous cheers, applause, and foot-stomping. PULL BACK to
reveal the
>rest of the stage, the row of cameras, hundreds of unoccupied chairs,
and
>the empty field beyond.]
hahaha OH MY GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK!
> [Former candidate Felber, flanked by his family and supporters,
steps up
>to the podium in the bright autumn sunlight. Cheers and applause are
>heard.]
>
>
> My fellow Americans, the people of this nation have spoken, and
spoken
>with a clear voice. So I am here to offer my concession. [Boos,
groans,
>rending of garments]
>
> I concede that I overestimated the intelligence of the American
people.
>Though the people disagree with the President on almost every issue,
you
>saw fit to vote for him. I never saw that coming. That's really
special.
>And I mean "special" in the sense that we use it to describe those
kids who
>ride the short school bus and find ways to injure themselves while
eating
>pudding with rubber spoons. That kind of special.
>
> I concede that I misjudged the power of hate. That's pretty
powerful
>stuff, and I didn't see it. So let me take a moment to congratulate
the
>President's strategists: Putting the gay marriage amendments on the
ballot
>in various swing states like Ohio... well, that was just genius.
Genius. It
>got people, a certain kind of people, to the polls. The unprecedented
>number of folks who showed up and cited "moral values" as their
biggest
>issue, those people changed history. The folks who consider same sex
>marriage a more important issue than war, or terrorism, or the
economy...
>Who'd have thought the election would belong to them? Well, Karl Rove
did.
>Gotta give it up to him for that. [Boos.] Now, now. Credit where it's
due.
>
> I concede that I put too much faith in America's youth. With 8 out
of 10
>of you opposing the President, with your friends and classmates dying
daily
>in a war you disapprove of, with your future being mortgaged to pay
for
>rich old peoples' tax breaks, you somehow managed to sit on your asses
and
>watch the Cartoon Network while aging homophobic hillbillies carried
the
>day. You voted with the exact same anemic percentage that you did in
2000.
>You suck. Seriously, y'do. [Cheers, applause] Thank you. Thank you
very
>much.
>
> There are some who would say that I sound bitter, that now is the
time
>for healing, to bring the nation together. Let me tell you a little
story.
>Last night, I watched the returns come in with some friends here in
Los
>Angeles. As the night progressed, people began to talk half-seriously
about
>secession, a red state / blue state split. The reasoning was this: We
in
>blue states produce the vast majority of the wealth in this country
and pay
>the most taxes, and you in the red states receive the majority of the
money
>from those taxes while complaining about 'em. We in the blue states
are the
>only ones who've been attacked by foreign terrorists, yet you in the
red
>states are gung ho to fight a war in our name. We in the blue states
>produce the entertainment that you consume so greedily each day, while
you
>in the red states show open disdain for us and our values. Blue state
>civilians are the actual victims and targets of the war on terror,
while
>red state civilians are the ones standing behind us and yelling "Oh,
yeah!?
>Bring it on!"
>
> More than 40% of you Bush voters still believe that Saddam Hussein
had
>something to do with 9/11. I'm impressed by that, truly I am. Your
sons and
>daughters who might die in this war know it's not true, the people in
the
>urban centers where al Qaeda wants to attack know it's not true, but
those
>of you who are at practically no risk believe this easy lie because
you
>can. As part of my concession speech, let me say that I really envy
that
>luxury. I concede that.
>
> Healing? We, the people at risk from terrorists, the people who
>subsidize you, the people who speak in glowing and respectful terms
about
>the heartland of America while that heartland insults and excoriates
us...
>we wanted some healing. We spoke loud and clear. And you refused to
give it
>to us, largely because of your high moral values. You knew better:
America
>doesn't need its allies, doesn't need to share the burden, doesn't
need to
>unite the world, doesn't need to provide for its future. Hell no. Not
when
>it's got a human shield of pointy-headed, atheistic, unconfrontational
>breadwinners who are willing to pay the bills and play nice in the
vain
>hope of winning a vote that we can never have. Because we're "morally
>inferior," I suppose, we are supposed to respect your values while you
>insult ours. And the big joke here is that for 20 years, we've done
just
>that.
>
> It's not a "ha-ha" funny joke, I realize, but it's a joke all the
same.
>
> Being an independent candidate gives me one luxury - as well as
>conceding the election today, I am also announcing my candidacy for
>President in 2008. [Wild applause, screams, chants of "Fel-ber!
Fel-ber!]
>Thank you.
>
> And I make this pledge to you today: THIS time, next time, there
will be
>no pandering. This time I will run with all the open and joking
contempt
>for my opponents that our President demonstrated towards the cradle of
>liberty, the Ivy League intellectuals, the "media elite," and the
>"white-wine sippers." This time I will not pretend that the simple
folk of
>America know just as much as the people who devote their lives to
serving
>and studying the nation and the world. They don't.
>
> So that's why I'm asking for your vote in 2008, America. I'm
talking to
>you, you ignorant, slack-jawed yokels, you bible-thumping, inbred
drones,
>you redneck, racist, chest-thumping, perennially duped grade-school
grads.
>Vote for me, because I know better, and I truly believe that I can
help
>your smug, sorry asses. Vote Felber in '08! Thank you, and may God, if
he
>does in fact exist, bless each and every one of you.
>
> [Tumultuous cheers, applause, and foot-stomping. PULL BACK to
reveal the
>rest of the stage, the row of cameras, hundreds of unoccupied chairs,
and
>the empty field beyond.]
hahaha OH MY GOD WHY DOES EVERYONE SUCK!