Perhaps I was a musician in another life
Who gets more excited about the new Sam Ash catalog than me? Nobody, that's who.
Does it make sense? Uh.. no. I am no singer (delusions of Grammy acceptance speeches aside). I play no instruments outside of the three years I studied trombone at Emerson. Well. I did have piano lessons when I was like 4.
But I swear, before God and all that is holy, I will buy myself a recording studio one day. Not a big one. I'm looking at one of those neat gizmos right now, and it's only like, $2k. I mean, granted, I'd prolly break the damned thing trying to get it to work, but the point is, I would have it. And, I would record an album no less. Oh yeah, babe. I'ma play all my own instruments too. Cuz I am a baaaaaad bitch, that's why.
Um... is there anyone in the world who could make Snoop Dogg pretty cool to me? Apparently, there is. Her name is Angie Stone. Wow, what a kick ass song.
Usually I am annoyed by people who seem unable to make their own music, but Ms. Stone has a way of retaining the integrity of the original artist while making the song her own. Gotta love that.
Ok, I am stating for the record that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's wife must be the happiest chick on the planet. And if she isn't, then, by God, she should be. Good LAWD will somebody explain to the pretty boys of Hollywood (Denzel, Brad, Antonio, Benicio...) that the perfection has gotta stop. I mean, it isn't fair to be good looking, or sexy, or both, AND intelligent, AND nice, AND not gay. It just ain't fair. I mean, cuz all I have is Bob. Bob ain't no Denzel, lemme tell ya.
Cuz ok, I like pretty men, no doubt. Is that a crime? I don't look like Janet or J-Lo. But I don't hold it against men who wish I did, I mean, who am I to interfere with fantasy. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But do I stand in people faces, exposing all my un-Janet-like goodies to every Tom Dick and Harry? No, I do not. So WHY I ask you WHY WHY WHY do all the un-Denzel like fools feel the need to foist themselves upon every Tina Diane and Harriet? And then I thought: Well, even if Denzel came up to me and said--
"I like my women big and pretty like you, hehe."
He would have a fight on his hands. Ew.
So. I'm thinking about doing the whole head to toe hijab thing, and I would if I thought for a second I could pull it off.
So now I'm back to the adult sized ass whoopins idea. Instead of offering one service of ass whoopins, there could also be the cuss out option for $25. I think people would pay good money to have somebody cuss somebody else out on their behalf. I would have different levels of cuss outs too. There'd be mild (for White girls) medium (for Latinos) and all out "muthafucka you must have lost your goddamned mind" (for everybody else). Some folk might want to combine; buy their victims an ass whoopin and get them cussed out at the same time. Yeah, and then I could give out little pins that read:
"I got my ass whooped by _______ today. From here on out, I'ma make it my business to do better"
or
"________ cussed my sorry ass out today. I ain't mad, cuz I sure as hell deserved it."
or
"I'm such a fucker, an ass whoopin wasn't enough. I had to be cussed out too."
Yeah.
I'd be a millionaire by week's end, I'm telling you.
"The Return of the King" is a great movie. I mean, through hour one I was a little pissed at all the pretentious language and culture and shit that mattered not one tinkers damn to me. But I do realize that like Harry Potter, they have to do it to appease the fans. Matters not. ROTK was so satisfying. Good vs Evil, Good wins. No bullshit pondering. No middle of the road. No goddamned "Oracle" talking shit about compromise or whatever the fuck. The fucking war was over and we knew it. We won. It was nice to see.
Now. If we can just find someone to interpret Shakespeare the way Jackson did Tolkien, cinematic life would be fucking great.
I am so poor. It is depressing. There is so much that I need to buy. My list has extended beyond 4 pages now. Life sucks.
23 days until my 28th birthday. I have not decided what I will do, if anything. I want to go to New Mexico, but Inn of The Mountain Gods is not re-opening until October and I don't wanna go anywhere else.
I am avoiding work. This much is obvious from the long rambling bullshit entry I have just typed over a series of hours. I will not edit or delete.
Does it make sense? Uh.. no. I am no singer (delusions of Grammy acceptance speeches aside). I play no instruments outside of the three years I studied trombone at Emerson. Well. I did have piano lessons when I was like 4.
But I swear, before God and all that is holy, I will buy myself a recording studio one day. Not a big one. I'm looking at one of those neat gizmos right now, and it's only like, $2k. I mean, granted, I'd prolly break the damned thing trying to get it to work, but the point is, I would have it. And, I would record an album no less. Oh yeah, babe. I'ma play all my own instruments too. Cuz I am a baaaaaad bitch, that's why.
Um... is there anyone in the world who could make Snoop Dogg pretty cool to me? Apparently, there is. Her name is Angie Stone. Wow, what a kick ass song.
Usually I am annoyed by people who seem unable to make their own music, but Ms. Stone has a way of retaining the integrity of the original artist while making the song her own. Gotta love that.
Ok, I am stating for the record that Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's wife must be the happiest chick on the planet. And if she isn't, then, by God, she should be. Good LAWD will somebody explain to the pretty boys of Hollywood (Denzel, Brad, Antonio, Benicio...) that the perfection has gotta stop. I mean, it isn't fair to be good looking, or sexy, or both, AND intelligent, AND nice, AND not gay. It just ain't fair. I mean, cuz all I have is Bob. Bob ain't no Denzel, lemme tell ya.
Cuz ok, I like pretty men, no doubt. Is that a crime? I don't look like Janet or J-Lo. But I don't hold it against men who wish I did, I mean, who am I to interfere with fantasy. Go ahead, knock yourself out. But do I stand in people faces, exposing all my un-Janet-like goodies to every Tom Dick and Harry? No, I do not. So WHY I ask you WHY WHY WHY do all the un-Denzel like fools feel the need to foist themselves upon every Tina Diane and Harriet? And then I thought: Well, even if Denzel came up to me and said--
"I like my women big and pretty like you, hehe."
He would have a fight on his hands. Ew.
So. I'm thinking about doing the whole head to toe hijab thing, and I would if I thought for a second I could pull it off.
So now I'm back to the adult sized ass whoopins idea. Instead of offering one service of ass whoopins, there could also be the cuss out option for $25. I think people would pay good money to have somebody cuss somebody else out on their behalf. I would have different levels of cuss outs too. There'd be mild (for White girls) medium (for Latinos) and all out "muthafucka you must have lost your goddamned mind" (for everybody else). Some folk might want to combine; buy their victims an ass whoopin and get them cussed out at the same time. Yeah, and then I could give out little pins that read:
"I got my ass whooped by _______ today. From here on out, I'ma make it my business to do better"
or
"________ cussed my sorry ass out today. I ain't mad, cuz I sure as hell deserved it."
or
"I'm such a fucker, an ass whoopin wasn't enough. I had to be cussed out too."
Yeah.
I'd be a millionaire by week's end, I'm telling you.
"The Return of the King" is a great movie. I mean, through hour one I was a little pissed at all the pretentious language and culture and shit that mattered not one tinkers damn to me. But I do realize that like Harry Potter, they have to do it to appease the fans. Matters not. ROTK was so satisfying. Good vs Evil, Good wins. No bullshit pondering. No middle of the road. No goddamned "Oracle" talking shit about compromise or whatever the fuck. The fucking war was over and we knew it. We won. It was nice to see.
Now. If we can just find someone to interpret Shakespeare the way Jackson did Tolkien, cinematic life would be fucking great.
I am so poor. It is depressing. There is so much that I need to buy. My list has extended beyond 4 pages now. Life sucks.
23 days until my 28th birthday. I have not decided what I will do, if anything. I want to go to New Mexico, but Inn of The Mountain Gods is not re-opening until October and I don't wanna go anywhere else.
I am avoiding work. This much is obvious from the long rambling bullshit entry I have just typed over a series of hours. I will not edit or delete.