(no subject)
Oh, I neglect this journal too much. And I neglect a lot of other things, people especially. But then again, I'm just selfish anyway. I'm self-absorbed and typically other people's feelings don't matter much to me. I consider those feelings, and I try not to hurt them, but if it comes to what I want versus what they want, I'll pretty much choose myself nine times out of ten. I don't really feel that full of myself, as though I'm some sort of gift to the world, I just feel like I'm the most important person in my life right now, and that no one else takes precedence over me.
I wish I could have the romance and the passion, and all that cheesey stuff. I'd like to feel like there's one girl out there who means everything to me, who I'd do anything for, but right now I either haven't found that person or due to circumstances beyond my control, I can't realize who that person is. And people hold that against me. That of all things makes little sense to me. You know, if I say I'm not in love, then I'm not, and it can't be helped, and it can't be forced. And it can't be changed just by saying how much I mean to you, how you can't picture yourself with anybody but me, or how you don't even want to try. Those words never sound like love to me, they sound more like your happiness is dependent on whether or not I'm going to be with you. Things have changed, they are not the same as they were. I've changed, I'm a completely different person now than I was then.
I just want a nice girl to start over with.
(And I have an ex who will think this is about her if she reads this, so rest assured, it's not)
I wish I could have the romance and the passion, and all that cheesey stuff. I'd like to feel like there's one girl out there who means everything to me, who I'd do anything for, but right now I either haven't found that person or due to circumstances beyond my control, I can't realize who that person is. And people hold that against me. That of all things makes little sense to me. You know, if I say I'm not in love, then I'm not, and it can't be helped, and it can't be forced. And it can't be changed just by saying how much I mean to you, how you can't picture yourself with anybody but me, or how you don't even want to try. Those words never sound like love to me, they sound more like your happiness is dependent on whether or not I'm going to be with you. Things have changed, they are not the same as they were. I've changed, I'm a completely different person now than I was then.
I just want a nice girl to start over with.
(And I have an ex who will think this is about her if she reads this, so rest assured, it's not)