Going Nucking Futs...
I'm so full of conflicting and confusing emotions, I don't know what the hell to think anymore. So many things I don't even dare admit to myself. On another vent...
The only concrete thing I know is that I'm tired of double standards when it comes to my family. My parents treat me like an adult because they say I am one and I'm mature and blah blah blah...so when I act like an adult and make adult decisions, I get bitched out for it. I guess I'm supposed to know when to act like a child and ask for things and when to suck it up on my own. I've also become the family therapist and have to deal with everyone's problems and try to stay positive. I'm tired of it. I am so damn sick of trying to keep everyone happy. I am watching every relationship within my family fall apart and I'm left standing holding all the strings trying to desperately hang on. I just want to get the fuck out of here. I keep looking in the paper for places, but unfourtunately that costs money and I'm further lacking daily. In a way, okay in many ways, I want to quit school, get my own place and go back to the park and work as a janitor for the rest of my life. It's not a bad job. I actually like it a lot. I just want out of my current position.
I can't do it. If I leave, everything comes to pieces and I don't want that hanging over me. There are so many things going on in my family right now, I'm afraid to even mention them. On the up side, I've learned to enjoy drinking so much more...it's become an escape. It allows me to forget everything just for a while so I can just be happy.
P.S.
Jocelyn, you sooo did not miss anything by not going to Chianti's. Scott and I arrived about 1/2 hour early so we went to Toys 'R' Us to poke around...found Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Superman which was kinda cool haha
That proved to be the highlight. Mostly, we just sat there listening to Jon talk about God knows what, then Luke would say something that would throw him into peels of laughter for ten minutes.
I got a couple eyebrows raised when I ordered two paralyzers as an appetizer but what the hell. We did laugh though, because all the Chinese invites brought dates (yes, even Angel). I guess us white kids didn't get the memo haha. No, Angel doesn't have a boyfriend, but I thought it was funny anyway. So there you go...oh yeah and everyone sang Happy Birthday to Steve (which would've been embarassing 'cept I was already through my appetizers so frankly, I didn't give a shit).
Bloody hell that was a long entry.
The only concrete thing I know is that I'm tired of double standards when it comes to my family. My parents treat me like an adult because they say I am one and I'm mature and blah blah blah...so when I act like an adult and make adult decisions, I get bitched out for it. I guess I'm supposed to know when to act like a child and ask for things and when to suck it up on my own. I've also become the family therapist and have to deal with everyone's problems and try to stay positive. I'm tired of it. I am so damn sick of trying to keep everyone happy. I am watching every relationship within my family fall apart and I'm left standing holding all the strings trying to desperately hang on. I just want to get the fuck out of here. I keep looking in the paper for places, but unfourtunately that costs money and I'm further lacking daily. In a way, okay in many ways, I want to quit school, get my own place and go back to the park and work as a janitor for the rest of my life. It's not a bad job. I actually like it a lot. I just want out of my current position.
I can't do it. If I leave, everything comes to pieces and I don't want that hanging over me. There are so many things going on in my family right now, I'm afraid to even mention them. On the up side, I've learned to enjoy drinking so much more...it's become an escape. It allows me to forget everything just for a while so I can just be happy.
P.S.
Jocelyn, you sooo did not miss anything by not going to Chianti's. Scott and I arrived about 1/2 hour early so we went to Toys 'R' Us to poke around...found Rock 'Em Sock 'Em Superman which was kinda cool haha
That proved to be the highlight. Mostly, we just sat there listening to Jon talk about God knows what, then Luke would say something that would throw him into peels of laughter for ten minutes.
I got a couple eyebrows raised when I ordered two paralyzers as an appetizer but what the hell. We did laugh though, because all the Chinese invites brought dates (yes, even Angel). I guess us white kids didn't get the memo haha. No, Angel doesn't have a boyfriend, but I thought it was funny anyway. So there you go...oh yeah and everyone sang Happy Birthday to Steve (which would've been embarassing 'cept I was already through my appetizers so frankly, I didn't give a shit).
Bloody hell that was a long entry.