empty
I meet new people and start counting the days. I start wondering, how long will it take this time for them to get tired of my lack of imagination, enthusiasm and my shiftlessness altogether. I wonder when will they understand how shallow I am, whoring around for attention, pretending to be a person.
I really need someone to be my anchor. Someone to come to and not be this lost anymore. I can't define myself on my own. I don't know who I am (anymore? did i ever?). I am not sure if I exist at all.
Not anybody will do. With lost people like myself our despair only multiplies. I need someone whose opinion will matter as much as my own, otherwise it won't work. With people who only know me so much it doesn't work, it only hurts, because I know I don't deserve it and I feel like I'm deceiving everyone.
I need someone who gets people. Who gets me. And still isn't dissapointed. And still thinks I'm a good, honest person. And I will change to be like that.
BTW, now I am lazy, heartless and ungrateful bitch. Thanks to my mother I get to be this way for the first time in my entire life.
I can't be like this anymore. Once I was someone, or at least it felt like I was. I had hopes, opinions, had my own revelations, could talk to people. Now I can't get two words out of me. I used to believe I had plenty of interesting stuff to know about me, to talk about, and now I don't even know if it was real.
Well, I guess it was, but it's long gone anyway.
I really need someone to be my anchor. Someone to come to and not be this lost anymore. I can't define myself on my own. I don't know who I am (anymore? did i ever?). I am not sure if I exist at all.
Not anybody will do. With lost people like myself our despair only multiplies. I need someone whose opinion will matter as much as my own, otherwise it won't work. With people who only know me so much it doesn't work, it only hurts, because I know I don't deserve it and I feel like I'm deceiving everyone.
I need someone who gets people. Who gets me. And still isn't dissapointed. And still thinks I'm a good, honest person. And I will change to be like that.
BTW, now I am lazy, heartless and ungrateful bitch. Thanks to my mother I get to be this way for the first time in my entire life.
I can't be like this anymore. Once I was someone, or at least it felt like I was. I had hopes, opinions, had my own revelations, could talk to people. Now I can't get two words out of me. I used to believe I had plenty of interesting stuff to know about me, to talk about, and now I don't even know if it was real.
Well, I guess it was, but it's long gone anyway.