Conundrum
Oh really? Well that's fuckin' great. Shit! I lied. It's not great. Well, it is in the long run, but not in the short. I think I may have just made a female friend tonight. Yay, sounds awesome and is secretly what I wanted. But, I want her to be my REAL friend. I don't want her to pretend to be my friend because she knows I'm attracted to her. I don't want her to think she's my friend because she's a nice person. I want her to be my friend because she thinks I'm worth having as a friend. Like an asset. Like someone she can trust. Like someone she knows she can go through hard times with and not only endure them but embrace them. I want real fucking friendship. So, she needs to want it, value it, and treasure it...
But, that's what I want. What does she want? I'm sure she doesn't know. Maybe that can be ok for now. Maybe it takes time. She seems like a really sweet young girl whom I'm glad I've met, but she seems like she's got a few issues. So, I don't want to do anything to complicate things between us. Which means all I can do is be casual and open/honest with her and hope that she'll meet me in the middle.
I've already acted a fool to her and she's been amazing enough to try to (re)connect with me. I just don't want to run the risk of screwing things up or allowing my heart to cloud my eyes.
But, that's what I want. What does she want? I'm sure she doesn't know. Maybe that can be ok for now. Maybe it takes time. She seems like a really sweet young girl whom I'm glad I've met, but she seems like she's got a few issues. So, I don't want to do anything to complicate things between us. Which means all I can do is be casual and open/honest with her and hope that she'll meet me in the middle.
I've already acted a fool to her and she's been amazing enough to try to (re)connect with me. I just don't want to run the risk of screwing things up or allowing my heart to cloud my eyes.