Purpose of Will
What does it all mean?
Where do I fit into it all?
Does it even matter?
Questions are so much easier than answers. Answers can be difficult and can have far reaching implications. And the answers need to be the truth!
I'm often concerned with the whole, "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I mean, I have short term goals that I'm very focused on attaining. The motivation wavers from time to time, but overall I know exactly what I want from my near future (like 5years). But, I don't feel like being clean cut and on top of the whole potential allvac job prospect (basically thinking about how I should handle it and what's the next step nearly 24/7), working out, playin' around, reflecting (ALWAYS!), WORKING, and paying bills is, nor should be, the definition of my life. Those things are not me, they are simply things I do to both fill and maintain the status quo of my current situation. At any time, things could change my circumstances drastically and I would still ponder the SAME question: "What the fuck am I doing?"
The only thing I truly desire is to be the Atman. Which is really nothing more than (nearly) PERFECTLY aligning my whole being with the universe (in a manner). It's a lot harder than you'd think. There's just so much that we, as individuals, don't know. Say you were to simply forget everything you believed to be truth, excluding knowledge of Science, Math, and Language/Literature, what would you have left? Some basic understanding of the world around us and intuition. While discovering valid usable knowledge has been a continuous struggle for our species, at least it is constant, consistent, and reliable. Intuition on the other hand is a part of our being. It allows us to gauge our experiences, both during the moment and in memory, instantaneously and unconsciously. But, it is not reliable....initially. It takes time, practice, and a great sense of awareness to refine it into something trustworthy.
I feel like my intuition is getting there. While it's not where it needs to be I can see things play out somewhat like I had envisioned they would. Too bad I don't always trust my instincts or allow them to become clouded and overwhelmed. Still, I feel like I'm becoming well-rounded. After years away from home, experiencing DW, graduating from ECU, living on my own, and working at the hospital (even though it was short lived) I have felt like much of my baggage has washed away leaving me fairly light-hearted and somewhat fearless. Also, I feel like I have constantly hounded myself over my outlook on life over the last 8yrs to the point where I can tell what sort of mindset I'm looking through at a given situation. Though maintaining a clear mind is much harder than simply being aware of when it becomes muddled or selfish. So, I guess that's the last frontier. Maintaining a cleansed perception through even the most convoluted moments will prove difficult, especially when it comes to emotionally charged ones with attractive woman involved. But, that's really it. I feel like if I can conquer that final frontier I may find some bizarre level of peace of mind and maybe the doors of limitless possibilities will be open to me. Then, maybe I'll not only feel but be able to project as sense of Grace & Harmony in every instance under any circumstances.
We will see though...women have an uncanny ability to warp the minds of men. So, sounds like a challenge...
Still, I think that's something I would really like to acquire.
Where do I fit into it all?
Does it even matter?
Questions are so much easier than answers. Answers can be difficult and can have far reaching implications. And the answers need to be the truth!
I'm often concerned with the whole, "What the fuck am I doing with my life?" I mean, I have short term goals that I'm very focused on attaining. The motivation wavers from time to time, but overall I know exactly what I want from my near future (like 5years). But, I don't feel like being clean cut and on top of the whole potential allvac job prospect (basically thinking about how I should handle it and what's the next step nearly 24/7), working out, playin' around, reflecting (ALWAYS!), WORKING, and paying bills is, nor should be, the definition of my life. Those things are not me, they are simply things I do to both fill and maintain the status quo of my current situation. At any time, things could change my circumstances drastically and I would still ponder the SAME question: "What the fuck am I doing?"
The only thing I truly desire is to be the Atman. Which is really nothing more than (nearly) PERFECTLY aligning my whole being with the universe (in a manner). It's a lot harder than you'd think. There's just so much that we, as individuals, don't know. Say you were to simply forget everything you believed to be truth, excluding knowledge of Science, Math, and Language/Literature, what would you have left? Some basic understanding of the world around us and intuition. While discovering valid usable knowledge has been a continuous struggle for our species, at least it is constant, consistent, and reliable. Intuition on the other hand is a part of our being. It allows us to gauge our experiences, both during the moment and in memory, instantaneously and unconsciously. But, it is not reliable....initially. It takes time, practice, and a great sense of awareness to refine it into something trustworthy.
I feel like my intuition is getting there. While it's not where it needs to be I can see things play out somewhat like I had envisioned they would. Too bad I don't always trust my instincts or allow them to become clouded and overwhelmed. Still, I feel like I'm becoming well-rounded. After years away from home, experiencing DW, graduating from ECU, living on my own, and working at the hospital (even though it was short lived) I have felt like much of my baggage has washed away leaving me fairly light-hearted and somewhat fearless. Also, I feel like I have constantly hounded myself over my outlook on life over the last 8yrs to the point where I can tell what sort of mindset I'm looking through at a given situation. Though maintaining a clear mind is much harder than simply being aware of when it becomes muddled or selfish. So, I guess that's the last frontier. Maintaining a cleansed perception through even the most convoluted moments will prove difficult, especially when it comes to emotionally charged ones with attractive woman involved. But, that's really it. I feel like if I can conquer that final frontier I may find some bizarre level of peace of mind and maybe the doors of limitless possibilities will be open to me. Then, maybe I'll not only feel but be able to project as sense of Grace & Harmony in every instance under any circumstances.
We will see though...women have an uncanny ability to warp the minds of men. So, sounds like a challenge...
Still, I think that's something I would really like to acquire.