life is death without a point
this seems pointless me writing in a journal that maybe no one will ever read but I am so unenthused about everything going on in my life right now. I hate my current situation. I have no car, my apartment is way too expensive and way too big for just me, but I can't get rid of it in hopes that Justin might so happen to decide to move back in with me, my job sucks because i don't get paid enough to put up with anyones bull shit but i put up with it anyways because i can't afford to quit without another job or even two jobs to fall back on. i don't have any money i haven't bought groceries in two months i haven't had clean clothes in a month and a half, i don't have any one i can borrow money from, i have a car in the process of being sold but i haven't seen any money for it. I haven't drove a car in over six months, once summer is over I won't be able to go back to school because i won't have any financial aid to pay for it my dad made too much money this year so even though I don't talk to him and i don't live with him and i don't get a single fucking thing from him I lose my financial aid because i have to use his fucking information because i am not 24 years old i don't have kids and i am not married. doesn't life just fucking suck. I hate being broke. Justin hates being with me because we are always broke. I am fat. I can't seem to lose weight no matter what I do I continue to gain weight. I don't eat much fuck i can't afford to eat let alone pig out on anything that would cause me to gain a whole bunch of weight. I changed my schedule to where I wouldn't be working on Sundays so that I could go to church now all of a sudden Justin doesn't want to go to church so I haven't been. what is the point in living if you are constantly miserable if you regret every decision that you make if you are constantly alone if you can't seem to keep friends if people constantly seem disappointed in you if no one likes to talk to you i don't see a reason for me right now. I hate that but its true and yet even though I pore my soul into this stupid journal no one is going to care no one will read this no one will give a damn in the end so life will always end up pointless. Death is the only real point to life. You are born to live just so that you can die it is as simple as that. Others die before their time yes but are there those who have no point life shouldn't they just die. we seem as though we wither away to nothingness anyways. People stop talking to you stop coming and seeing you they stop caring after a while and you just fade away to nothingness and then those who once cared will care again for a very short period of time and then they will go back to their normal routines until the same thing happens to them what an anventurous circle of life. Fuck that. I just want to die and get it over with no one gives a damn i go through this life with nothing i will take nothing. I give all and recieve nothing. I am tired of it. I just want something good in return just once. I get screwed over so much all the time. I have had my heart trampled on stomped on stabbed. Why am i so fucking forgiving. No one would do the things that I have done for him for me not once in a million years so why should I be so damn forgiving. I hate my life. it is fucking pointless. I have nothing. I will always have nothing. I am not good lucking, I am not smart, I don't have any money,I have nothing to offer anyone. See life is pointless. UHHHHHH.