In a pause after a slug, he mentioned poetry

[lame_stamp]

I took a poetry class this quarter and I'm working on revising some stuff for my final portfolio. Here's a poem I'm working on. Tell me what you think. Really brutal, viciously honest feedback is the kind that I like.

Comments

[dancecommander9]

I really enjoyed the poem, very dark with some comedy. However the lines, "Of snot on the counter, thick hair choking
The sink, and sponges in hand, she’s soaking" sort of threw me off of the rythm I had going throught the entire poem. I had to stop and re-read those lines. It took me about 3 or 4 reads to finally fit it into the distinct rythm I had going. Perhaps I was just reading it wrong and thats why I couldn't fit it into my rythm, but overall good stuff.

[warped_desire]

I'm not even going to attempt a critique because it'll just sound ridiculous, but it was really good to see you tonight!