"the sound of your broken heart will live forever"
Dear Miss Winehouse,
“What kind of fuckery is this?!”
I woke this afternoon, checked my facebook, and saw the news that you were found dead in your apartment in London.
I first learned about you when I was working in the law department at CSX. My coworker was playing your Rehab video and everyone who was watching was mesmerized by your talent. Your voice reminded me of some of my favourite singers- Billie Holiday and Sarah Vaughn. I thought, “How cool- that we have someone with that kind of a voice living in my lifetime…”
The last piece of news I had read of you many weeks ago was about your very poor performance at a concert in Serbia- I believe the article mentioned that it was either your very worst performance ever- or the single worst concert that Serbia had ever booked. So poor, and your audience so disappointed- that you did not seek payment. It made me sad.
My thoughts concerning your passing were too many for a Facebook status, hence the reason why I am typing this.
I wanted to say that I’m sorry. I don’t believe I am alone in what I’m about to say: I was rooting for you. Much the same way I was rooting for Britney Spears. And look at her now, you know? She is performing a concert here in my hometown tonight. Unfortunately, even though your story was different than hers, your story has ended quite differently.
You had friends and family trying to help you and for a while it did seem to be successfully working. Going against perhaps your best-known song: you did actually go to rehab. And not just once…at least twice- most recently in May. You flew from England at one point to get some R&R on some beautiful, warm island.
In an October 2010 interview Winehouse said she had been drug-free for three years, saying "I literally woke up one day and was like, 'I don’t want to do this any more.'”
I hate knowing that you were reaching for recovery but never found it. While in St. Lucia- you were actually working. I hate reading your Wikipedia page seeing all of the projects you were working on- but will be left unfinished.
Listening to your songs this afternoon has made me quite sad. Not just because you left us too soon- but your actual songs are sad. You sing of how love is a losing game- and waking up alone- and of course, not wanting to go to rehab even though “they” encourage you to do so. (“I don’t ever want to drink again- I, I just need a friend…”) I was so hoping that we would hear so much more from you in the future: happier songs. But I have to respect you for singing of what seemed to be honest words from your own personal life. Those make the best songs- honest words and feelings, although yours were painful. I’m sure many of your fans could identify with their own pain while listening to yours. Thank you for being their voice.
It seems that ever since your explosion onto the music scene- your talent was written about just as much as the troubles that plagued you. And I’m sorry for that, too. Although I’m not familiar with the ways of the media and the paparazzi- it seems they are always looking for the dark, dirty secrets of the famous, which doesn’t seem fair to me and I’m not sure how they can live with their selves…
You were so much more than your songs. You were so much more than your matchless, unique, golden voice.
And now your parents are crying for their lost little girl who left them much too soon…their little girl whom they fought for, their little girl whom they tried to save.
Apart from your talent that was shared with the world- you were a beautiful child of worth. Your worth was not tied to your beautiful voice or the countless awards that you won.
I mourn for you today because I was looking forward to your recovery, and your come back- a come back that would be a slap in the face to addiction, mental illness, and all of the nay-sayers of this world. I looked forward to seeing you with your head raised high- still wearing your beloved pale pink ballet slippers and showing off your tattooed arms.
No parent should have to bury their child and I'm sorry you didn't ever get to see the full life that you probably dreamed it to be...
With loving thoughts from a fan from across the pond, and an English girl at heart,
Colleen
Posted via LiveJournal.app.