WOW! I havent written in a FREAKING year! Thanks Jeff for reminding me.
Well my friend Jeff told me that I should update this thing so here goes.
It all started back when Gavin decided to dump me back in November. You all remember me posting about how I was going to move to England and all that crap. Needless to say that didn't work out.I did, however, go to England in October and had not such a wonderful time. That's when I knew that he and I wouldn't be together much longer. He dumped me November 17. Soon after I met this other guy named Tom. He lives in Pennsylvania. We started dating in the beginning of December.
While I was with him I was looking through Match.com, and I stumbled upon this really good-looking guy. His name's Jason, and he lives in the same state as me. I got to talking to him, and we hit it off very well. We got to talking more and more and while Tom was sick I fell for Jason. It wasn't intentional at first, but Tom wasn't there for me the way Jason was. Jason and I have a lot in common, and in the days we were first talking we couldn't get over how much alike we were.
Tom got better, and Jase was off on a four-day weekend up north so Tom and I got closer. Jase gets back from his four-day trip. So there I am stuck in this love triangle kind of thing. One guy lived hours away from me while the other lived not even an hour away. I went through all the pros and cons and decided that I just had to meet Jason. Tom let me go knowing that he couldn't stop me and knowing that I was going to leave him.
The day comes that I was to meet Jason. January 21st, God it feels like forever ago... Here I am at the mall with my best friend Ally who I've known for about six years, and I'm a nervous wreck. I couldn't imagine how Jason was feeling because I had met people from the Internet two times before, and he never had before. I was sitting eating my salad trying not to puke when Jason calls saying he's in the parking lot. I run to the bathroom about to puke up my Hershey sundae pie.
Then Ally and I sit by the entrance and wait. We start looking at every guy. My heart is in my throat by this time, and I am silently freaking out seeing each guy walk past. Then my phone rings. It's Jason saying that he's there. Ally and I were like, "What?" We walk and I see this guy that's like the picture that I saw except so much better looking. It was him. I gave him a hug, grabbed his hand, and we began what would be one of the craziest days of our lives.
From then on Jason and I have become inseparable. He asked me to marry him on March 10. I of course said yes. I've met most of his family. I've yet to meet his drunken grandma; I'm kind of scared to meet her. His mom loves me from what I've heard, his brother Kenny hugs me goodbye whenever I see him so that must be a good sign, his brother Aaron cracks me up, and I've only met Jason's father once but for the few days I talked with him he seemed to like me and I liked him too. I've met his mom's dad and stepmom and his mom's sisters - I like them all too and they seemed to like me. I love Jason's mother and his two brothers. I like his dad's side of the family even though most of them are very crazy.
The only family member that doesn't like me however is Jason's grandfather, his dad's dad. He seems to hate me. It was all because I felt sick the day we first met (that's a story in itself, AKA how I felt sick). Anyway, it has become a big strain on our relationship. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning. His grandfather would always hate each and every time Jason would come down and visit me, but now he doesn't get angry.
Ever since Jason and I have met, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am no longer afraid to be myself. I'll admit in the beginning I couldn't, but now I am more open with him then I have ever been with anyone. I never thought that I would ever find the guy for me. But once I saw Jason's picture on Match it's like I knew I just had to meet him or I would regret if for the rest of my life.
Jason is everything that the perfect man ever thought of being. He tells me he loves me all the time, he holds me when I cry, wipes away my tears, hugs me, kisses me, loves me like no other man ever has, hates my exes almost as much as I do, but most of all, he wants to spend his life with me. All in all, I wanted to conclude my story with this. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, but most of all comes when you least expect it, and all of that is true. I wasn't looking for it when I found Jason, but I'm so glad I did find him because if I hadn't I wouldn't be complete, and I'd probably be dead.
Soon after I wrote that story he got kicked out of his grandpas house and who was the cause of that none other than me. His grandfather gave him a choice either leave me and be able to stay or leave the house. So that day Jason packed up what he could in trash bags and made his way to his moms apartment.
Fast forward a few weeks... Neighbors of his mom complained about me and Jason staying there a few nights a week so we have to stay here at my house in the car, well until my mom bought a tent. Now we had just gotten used to the first change of him living somewhere different, and now its changed again.
Fast forward a few more weeks... You guessed it neighbors complained again but this time me and Jason just have to stay away a few days and everything will be okay.
A few more days go by Jason gets a text from his mom saying that she cant have anyone staying there for awhile which means he and I have to stay here full time now. Lets just say that situation has brought on MANY fights. He and I arent as perfect as people may think. We are like any other normal couple we fight over the stupidest bullshit! I guess in a way Im writing this story to prove a point. That love conquers all. Even tho he and I have had our share of fights we are still together stronger then ever.
I thought before that I knew what love was but before Jason what I had with other guys wasnt love. What Jason and I have is full on love. We are willing to sacrifice so many things for each other. Im willing to move my whole life to where he is. Im willing to change jobs and everything just to be with him.
All I know is this, Jason is my whole life hes everything to me and without him I dont think Id be the person I am today. He has improved my life better then anyone else and I thank god for him everyday of my life.
I WROTE ALL OF THAT ^^ BACK IN JUNE AND JULY HERES WHATS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE.
So he and I have been together closer to a year now and its been an interesting year I tell ya. We have had out ups and downs. Me more then him. I havent been myself lately. A few years ago I was diaognosed with Depression and it seemed to be getting better but I dont think it ever really did get better, in fact its worse then ever. Im always sad, I feel like I cant anything right, I hate how I treat Jason, I always try to control him and tell him what to do and I HATE myself for it. I cant seem to snap out of it. I dont like to admit it but I think I need help again. I want to feel normal again I want to be able to laugh at myself and not get so upset, I want to be able to except Jason for who he is and not try to change him into something he isnt but I dont know how to do any of that. I absoultly hate it! He does so much for me and I cant even do anything for him. I am always telling him what way to sleep, that I want this, that and the other thing, I always get so BORED at his side of the family parties and expect him to leave just cause I dont feel like being there anymore and I HATE THAT I DO THAT!!! I want to be able to enjoy things with him again. I want to you know be able to have one morning where we are truly happy. I want to be able to enjoy life, cause right now I barely do, its like I want to trap the times that I do. Its like a quote from Prozac Nation (the movie that is my life) "I want to freeze this moment to remember how it feels to love life." Thats how I feel. I want to freeze certain parts of my life and skip the rest.
Well Thanks for listening Im off to go exercise now, I feel better after I do that and I need to feel better and I need time to think.
Love Ya Always,
Lianne
It all started back when Gavin decided to dump me back in November. You all remember me posting about how I was going to move to England and all that crap. Needless to say that didn't work out.I did, however, go to England in October and had not such a wonderful time. That's when I knew that he and I wouldn't be together much longer. He dumped me November 17. Soon after I met this other guy named Tom. He lives in Pennsylvania. We started dating in the beginning of December.
While I was with him I was looking through Match.com, and I stumbled upon this really good-looking guy. His name's Jason, and he lives in the same state as me. I got to talking to him, and we hit it off very well. We got to talking more and more and while Tom was sick I fell for Jason. It wasn't intentional at first, but Tom wasn't there for me the way Jason was. Jason and I have a lot in common, and in the days we were first talking we couldn't get over how much alike we were.
Tom got better, and Jase was off on a four-day weekend up north so Tom and I got closer. Jase gets back from his four-day trip. So there I am stuck in this love triangle kind of thing. One guy lived hours away from me while the other lived not even an hour away. I went through all the pros and cons and decided that I just had to meet Jason. Tom let me go knowing that he couldn't stop me and knowing that I was going to leave him.
The day comes that I was to meet Jason. January 21st, God it feels like forever ago... Here I am at the mall with my best friend Ally who I've known for about six years, and I'm a nervous wreck. I couldn't imagine how Jason was feeling because I had met people from the Internet two times before, and he never had before. I was sitting eating my salad trying not to puke when Jason calls saying he's in the parking lot. I run to the bathroom about to puke up my Hershey sundae pie.
Then Ally and I sit by the entrance and wait. We start looking at every guy. My heart is in my throat by this time, and I am silently freaking out seeing each guy walk past. Then my phone rings. It's Jason saying that he's there. Ally and I were like, "What?" We walk and I see this guy that's like the picture that I saw except so much better looking. It was him. I gave him a hug, grabbed his hand, and we began what would be one of the craziest days of our lives.
From then on Jason and I have become inseparable. He asked me to marry him on March 10. I of course said yes. I've met most of his family. I've yet to meet his drunken grandma; I'm kind of scared to meet her. His mom loves me from what I've heard, his brother Kenny hugs me goodbye whenever I see him so that must be a good sign, his brother Aaron cracks me up, and I've only met Jason's father once but for the few days I talked with him he seemed to like me and I liked him too. I've met his mom's dad and stepmom and his mom's sisters - I like them all too and they seemed to like me. I love Jason's mother and his two brothers. I like his dad's side of the family even though most of them are very crazy.
The only family member that doesn't like me however is Jason's grandfather, his dad's dad. He seems to hate me. It was all because I felt sick the day we first met (that's a story in itself, AKA how I felt sick). Anyway, it has become a big strain on our relationship. It's not as bad as it was in the beginning. His grandfather would always hate each and every time Jason would come down and visit me, but now he doesn't get angry.
Ever since Jason and I have met, I feel like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders. I am no longer afraid to be myself. I'll admit in the beginning I couldn't, but now I am more open with him then I have ever been with anyone. I never thought that I would ever find the guy for me. But once I saw Jason's picture on Match it's like I knew I just had to meet him or I would regret if for the rest of my life.
Jason is everything that the perfect man ever thought of being. He tells me he loves me all the time, he holds me when I cry, wipes away my tears, hugs me, kisses me, loves me like no other man ever has, hates my exes almost as much as I do, but most of all, he wants to spend his life with me. All in all, I wanted to conclude my story with this. Love comes in all shapes, sizes, but most of all comes when you least expect it, and all of that is true. I wasn't looking for it when I found Jason, but I'm so glad I did find him because if I hadn't I wouldn't be complete, and I'd probably be dead.
Soon after I wrote that story he got kicked out of his grandpas house and who was the cause of that none other than me. His grandfather gave him a choice either leave me and be able to stay or leave the house. So that day Jason packed up what he could in trash bags and made his way to his moms apartment.
Fast forward a few weeks... Neighbors of his mom complained about me and Jason staying there a few nights a week so we have to stay here at my house in the car, well until my mom bought a tent. Now we had just gotten used to the first change of him living somewhere different, and now its changed again.
Fast forward a few more weeks... You guessed it neighbors complained again but this time me and Jason just have to stay away a few days and everything will be okay.
A few more days go by Jason gets a text from his mom saying that she cant have anyone staying there for awhile which means he and I have to stay here full time now. Lets just say that situation has brought on MANY fights. He and I arent as perfect as people may think. We are like any other normal couple we fight over the stupidest bullshit! I guess in a way Im writing this story to prove a point. That love conquers all. Even tho he and I have had our share of fights we are still together stronger then ever.
I thought before that I knew what love was but before Jason what I had with other guys wasnt love. What Jason and I have is full on love. We are willing to sacrifice so many things for each other. Im willing to move my whole life to where he is. Im willing to change jobs and everything just to be with him.
All I know is this, Jason is my whole life hes everything to me and without him I dont think Id be the person I am today. He has improved my life better then anyone else and I thank god for him everyday of my life.
I WROTE ALL OF THAT ^^ BACK IN JUNE AND JULY HERES WHATS BEEN HAPPENING SINCE.
So he and I have been together closer to a year now and its been an interesting year I tell ya. We have had out ups and downs. Me more then him. I havent been myself lately. A few years ago I was diaognosed with Depression and it seemed to be getting better but I dont think it ever really did get better, in fact its worse then ever. Im always sad, I feel like I cant anything right, I hate how I treat Jason, I always try to control him and tell him what to do and I HATE myself for it. I cant seem to snap out of it. I dont like to admit it but I think I need help again. I want to feel normal again I want to be able to laugh at myself and not get so upset, I want to be able to except Jason for who he is and not try to change him into something he isnt but I dont know how to do any of that. I absoultly hate it! He does so much for me and I cant even do anything for him. I am always telling him what way to sleep, that I want this, that and the other thing, I always get so BORED at his side of the family parties and expect him to leave just cause I dont feel like being there anymore and I HATE THAT I DO THAT!!! I want to be able to enjoy things with him again. I want to you know be able to have one morning where we are truly happy. I want to be able to enjoy life, cause right now I barely do, its like I want to trap the times that I do. Its like a quote from Prozac Nation (the movie that is my life) "I want to freeze this moment to remember how it feels to love life." Thats how I feel. I want to freeze certain parts of my life and skip the rest.
Well Thanks for listening Im off to go exercise now, I feel better after I do that and I need to feel better and I need time to think.
Love Ya Always,
Lianne