"it's a new day, but it all feels old..."

[lamattinaprima]

i'm tired of everything being the same. always the same. people supposedly change, but i've seen little of that in the people i've been hanging out with and even less in myself. even when people get new info, and learn how they could change a negative situation, they don't do it. i'm not saying i want huge change, but maybe just some small changes. change is hard. i usually hate it and avoid it because it breaks the routine. but its become harder to put up with the routine than it would be to tolerate some change. i'm tired of feeling the way i do. and i'm tired of the way you treat me. you are driving me to desperation. not to be cliche, but desperate people will do desperate things. i'm not talking desperate like speeding in a school zone. nope. something much bigger than that. it may take you by surprise and it may not. i don't know if you would ever suspect something like this from me because right now i don't know that you even know me at all anymore. i've been waiting, hoping, willing this to happen. it hasn't, of course, and i don't really want to take it into my own hands for fear of the consequences. we'll see how bad it gets. maybe then you'll notice me. maybe then i'll be qualified to join your little group, the one i've wanted to be in for so long but have always been denied admission. i'm tired of the way i feel, and i want to end it, and i think that i shall. i'm just not sure when that will happen. i don't know if you know what i'm alluding to or not, and i don't care. all i know is that after i take action (if i do), you will know what i was talking about. why can't you care?

"ABANDON ALL HOPE YE WHO ENTER HERE"