Not much to say
I look happy. Heck i had a great time that day.
Ever feel like a prizefighter between rounds? Tired and worked up, chomping at your bit. Ready to go back in swinging but held back by forces out of your control. People patting you on the back, rubbing your shoulders and giving you advice from every direction. But the bell just wont ring. Sure, stand up jump in place. Throw some punches in the air. Shake your head and wipe the sweat off your nose. And wait. Waiting with everyone in your corner. Ready to do battle with the unknown, but the unknown doesnt come. Theres nothing to battle, no challenge. Youre on familiar ground, and nothing rises to meet you. Its not some damned zen saying "There is no bell.", there actually isnt a bell. Its not going to ring, no matter how badly you want to get out into it.
Its hard to guide that. Turn that energy some direction where it wont hurt anything you look at, try to hug when all you want is to hit. How do you live in peace when you were given a sword instead of a plow ? When do you lean to turn your weapon into a tool? What is your outlet ?
Everyone needs some pressure relief valve, and i havent had one in a long time (5 years if i count right). I dont need to relax, i do that all the time. I dont need to blow off steam, i passed that a long time ago. I need to explode. I need a target. I need some challenge. I need that damn bell to ring.
And so, another fine day.