God. you hear me?

[laluu]

i just blame her inside everytime i cannot find my things/ no place to put my things/ cannot go in the room cos my dad's asleep/ cannot use toilet cos somebody else beat me to it

i frown every single time to come 'home' to loud music from the radio and the house is empty.
I would press the power button with more force than I should.
Sometimes I hit the radio. Sometimes I mutter under my breath " this is so dumb "

i'll feel immense anger&hatred which then turn into overflowing sadness

then i  stay at chris' house to seek some comfort. peace. and love.
i feel safe with him. i feel happy again.

& the cycle continues.

& i feel freaking guilty for feeling this way.

Am I able to forgive her one day?
I really hope so..

Isn't it sad?
She's my mother.