o21 - Depressing post time, guys.
WARNING - READ THE TITLE. IF YOU DON'T WANT TO HEAR DEPRESSED WHINING, GO AWAY NOW
Gone yet? No? Read both the warnings and still here? Alright, then....
Life fucking sucks right now. 2009 has been a bitch so far. I hear people who think that 2008 was a horrid year, but damn, this year, so far, has been fucked. I should have known that it wasn't going to be good when I felt as alone as I did during my friend's New Years party. It should have been fun, by all means, but I just felt alone. It was terrible, and I can't even explain why. Things with family went to shit afterwards, I was constantly fighting with both my parents, who were nagging me about school and shit, both my younger siblings were fighting with my parents as well, which eventually escalated to my little sister trying to run away two times, then having the police come over and try to talk to her and her being a moron and saying that she'd rather die than live here any longer, which is just a fucking stupid thing to say to a POLICE OFFICER, which then caused her to have to go to a hospital until they could determine that she would be stupid and off herself, and then soon after she went to my sister's house. You'd think that things would calm down after that.
Like hell.
Me and my brother continued to get in arguments with my family, and my internship ended. That would have been alright, but then shortly after both my parents started nagging me about getting another job even though my mom said she wouldn't, and my dad told me something about my previous job which essentially had me feeling like "Oh, thanks, dad. Now I feel like a fucking failure at everything I do. Thanks for the pick-me-up", and school went to shit that semester as well.
At least my birthday was fun.
Things remained like that for a while, until I started up school again. I got myself in over my head again, but at least this time I've mostly kept up (except US History, which I've never been good at), but it's getting hard. I'm taking 6 classes, which totals to 18 credit hours, which is a huge load considering that Summer Semester counts 6 credit hours as full-time. Arguments between my mom and brother are getting so common that I hardly pay attention anymore, and my parents are having a few problems and are seen a counselor. I've also been experiencing a bit of insomnia x2. I've been having a hard time falling to sleep, and I've always woken up periodically throughout the night. Not helping with school. So, things have been really stressful at home, to say the least.
And then on Monday, the 15th, we had to put one of our dogs down.
I came home from my psychology class, and my mom said she was taking Taffy to the vet to be put down. She was 12 years old, which is pretty good for larger dogs, and we'd had her ever since I was 7. I grew up with this dog. She had started throwing up constantly these past few weeks, and she started refusing to eat her pet food. She wouldn't even eat dog treats. So, we started her on eggs and cottage cheese, which she normally likes. She stopped eating even that. We tried hamburger, which had the same result. We were able to feed her a bit of homemade chicken noodle soup for 3 days before the 15th, and we think that was all that kept her going. The last two or so days, she also started having seizures again. We didn't want her to go through that again. She had been sticking to my mom like glue for 3 weeks, and had been demanding a lot of attention.
We took her into the vet, where we were brought into a back room to spend time with her before the doctor came in. It was just me and my mom. We talked about all the quirks she had, like how she kicked her feet after going to the bathroom, like a cat covering their urine with litter. She was raised by our cat Misty (who died 3 years ago), after all. She also had a habit of keeping Silver, our other dog, in line. She absolutely lived for tennis balls, and playing with the balls were some of the only times she still acted like a puppy. She was a wonderful dog.
So the vet came, and brought in a yellow blanket for her to lay on. Yellow's my mom's favorite color. We were able to pet and stay with her while the vet euthanized her. The vet then left us for a few more moments alone with her, saying that we could just leave afterwards, and they'd take care of the body. Taffy was just laying there, like all the times at home she'd been asleep. But we'd never be able to come back and get her, because she wasn't just sleeping anymore. We couldn't decide that we missed our Angel-Dog, our Taffy-puppy, our Cheerleader or Princess. Even if we missed her, we wouldn't be able to come back and find her.
Walking away from her, and leaving her laying on a pale yellow blanket in a cold, sterile, and uncaring veterinary office was one of the hardest things I've done.
Gone yet? No? Read both the warnings and still here? Alright, then....
Life fucking sucks right now. 2009 has been a bitch so far. I hear people who think that 2008 was a horrid year, but damn, this year, so far, has been fucked. I should have known that it wasn't going to be good when I felt as alone as I did during my friend's New Years party. It should have been fun, by all means, but I just felt alone. It was terrible, and I can't even explain why. Things with family went to shit afterwards, I was constantly fighting with both my parents, who were nagging me about school and shit, both my younger siblings were fighting with my parents as well, which eventually escalated to my little sister trying to run away two times, then having the police come over and try to talk to her and her being a moron and saying that she'd rather die than live here any longer, which is just a fucking stupid thing to say to a POLICE OFFICER, which then caused her to have to go to a hospital until they could determine that she would be stupid and off herself, and then soon after she went to my sister's house. You'd think that things would calm down after that.
Like hell.
Me and my brother continued to get in arguments with my family, and my internship ended. That would have been alright, but then shortly after both my parents started nagging me about getting another job even though my mom said she wouldn't, and my dad told me something about my previous job which essentially had me feeling like "Oh, thanks, dad. Now I feel like a fucking failure at everything I do. Thanks for the pick-me-up", and school went to shit that semester as well.
At least my birthday was fun.
Things remained like that for a while, until I started up school again. I got myself in over my head again, but at least this time I've mostly kept up (except US History, which I've never been good at), but it's getting hard. I'm taking 6 classes, which totals to 18 credit hours, which is a huge load considering that Summer Semester counts 6 credit hours as full-time. Arguments between my mom and brother are getting so common that I hardly pay attention anymore, and my parents are having a few problems and are seen a counselor. I've also been experiencing a bit of insomnia x2. I've been having a hard time falling to sleep, and I've always woken up periodically throughout the night. Not helping with school. So, things have been really stressful at home, to say the least.
And then on Monday, the 15th, we had to put one of our dogs down.
I came home from my psychology class, and my mom said she was taking Taffy to the vet to be put down. She was 12 years old, which is pretty good for larger dogs, and we'd had her ever since I was 7. I grew up with this dog. She had started throwing up constantly these past few weeks, and she started refusing to eat her pet food. She wouldn't even eat dog treats. So, we started her on eggs and cottage cheese, which she normally likes. She stopped eating even that. We tried hamburger, which had the same result. We were able to feed her a bit of homemade chicken noodle soup for 3 days before the 15th, and we think that was all that kept her going. The last two or so days, she also started having seizures again. We didn't want her to go through that again. She had been sticking to my mom like glue for 3 weeks, and had been demanding a lot of attention.
We took her into the vet, where we were brought into a back room to spend time with her before the doctor came in. It was just me and my mom. We talked about all the quirks she had, like how she kicked her feet after going to the bathroom, like a cat covering their urine with litter. She was raised by our cat Misty (who died 3 years ago), after all. She also had a habit of keeping Silver, our other dog, in line. She absolutely lived for tennis balls, and playing with the balls were some of the only times she still acted like a puppy. She was a wonderful dog.
So the vet came, and brought in a yellow blanket for her to lay on. Yellow's my mom's favorite color. We were able to pet and stay with her while the vet euthanized her. The vet then left us for a few more moments alone with her, saying that we could just leave afterwards, and they'd take care of the body. Taffy was just laying there, like all the times at home she'd been asleep. But we'd never be able to come back and get her, because she wasn't just sleeping anymore. We couldn't decide that we missed our Angel-Dog, our Taffy-puppy, our Cheerleader or Princess. Even if we missed her, we wouldn't be able to come back and find her.
Walking away from her, and leaving her laying on a pale yellow blanket in a cold, sterile, and uncaring veterinary office was one of the hardest things I've done.