FMA Fic: "I'll Dream Alone"
Title: I'll Dream Alone
Author: lalikaa
Series: Manga/Brotherhood
Characters: Dr. Knox and his wife (also mentions of their son, who I've named Matthew)
Word Count: 419
Rating: PG-13, for references to posttraumatic stress disorder and spousal abuse
Summary: He came home from war and just wasn't the same.
Notes: Written for fma_fic_contest's 100th prompt, "pairings". It won first place!
I'll dream alone without you
I'll dream alone if I must
Because I guess our little castle in the sky
Just turned to dust
-"I'll Dream Alone" by The Magnetic Fields
They had tried to make it work.
The first time he had yelled at her she had cried. He held her close mumbling, “I’m sorry,” and she forgave him.
The first time he had hit her she had been so shocked she couldn’t speak. He made her tea and apologized profusely, and she forgave him.
The first time she had awoken him from a nightmare she had almost been strangled to death. He started sleeping on the couch, and she forgave him.
He was experiencing posttraumatic stress; that’s what the psychiatrist had called it. It was common among war veterans, especially those just returning from Ishbal. There was no known cure.
He needed her to help him through this. That’s what she believed.
She needed him to stay. That’s what he wanted.
xxxxxx
The three of them went out to dinner one night, just a few weeks after his return. They came home and played cards, and for that night they were a happy family again. So happy, in fact, that after Matthew went to bed they chanced sleeping together.
“Soldier down, soldier down!”
“Open fire!”
He had fallen prey to the enemy’s grasp. But he couldn’t die now… he had a wife and child. He had to live, for them.
He wrestled the enemy down and squeezed and squeezed their throat, despite their cries.
“NO!”
He opened his eyes, only to find another pair staring back, wide with fear.
He let go.
His wife gasped out strangled sobs. He moved to hug her, but she backed away, holding her hands up to her face.
He knew it couldn’t work anymore. He loved her and their son more than anything, and that was why he knew he couldn’t stay.
xxxxxx
“Will you be all right?” She asked.
“Yeah.”
“Be sure to eat well, and try to sleep at least eight hours a night,” she reminded him.
“I’ll try.”
“I love you.”
He had never been a sentimental man, even before the war. He muttered a gruff, “I love you, too,” and kissed her goodbye.
xxxxxx
He didn’t know how long their separation would last; he didn’t want to think about it. But thinking seemed to be all he could do, especially at night, when sleep eluded him.
He wanted her and Matthew to be happy. They could never be happy with him dragging them down, he reasoned. They needed to move on. Meanwhile, he needed to stay isolated, dreaming alone of the wife and child he didn’t deserve anymore.
Author: lalikaa
Series: Manga/Brotherhood
Characters: Dr. Knox and his wife (also mentions of their son, who I've named Matthew)
Word Count: 419
Rating: PG-13, for references to posttraumatic stress disorder and spousal abuse
Summary: He came home from war and just wasn't the same.
Notes: Written for fma_fic_contest's 100th prompt, "pairings". It won first place!
I'll dream alone without you
I'll dream alone if I must
Because I guess our little castle in the sky
Just turned to dust
-"I'll Dream Alone" by The Magnetic Fields
They had tried to make it work.
The first time he had yelled at her she had cried. He held her close mumbling, “I’m sorry,” and she forgave him.
The first time he had hit her she had been so shocked she couldn’t speak. He made her tea and apologized profusely, and she forgave him.
The first time she had awoken him from a nightmare she had almost been strangled to death. He started sleeping on the couch, and she forgave him.
He was experiencing posttraumatic stress; that’s what the psychiatrist had called it. It was common among war veterans, especially those just returning from Ishbal. There was no known cure.
He needed her to help him through this. That’s what she believed.
She needed him to stay. That’s what he wanted.
xxxxxx
The three of them went out to dinner one night, just a few weeks after his return. They came home and played cards, and for that night they were a happy family again. So happy, in fact, that after Matthew went to bed they chanced sleeping together.
“Soldier down, soldier down!”
“Open fire!”
He had fallen prey to the enemy’s grasp. But he couldn’t die now… he had a wife and child. He had to live, for them.
He wrestled the enemy down and squeezed and squeezed their throat, despite their cries.
“NO!”
He opened his eyes, only to find another pair staring back, wide with fear.
He let go.
His wife gasped out strangled sobs. He moved to hug her, but she backed away, holding her hands up to her face.
He knew it couldn’t work anymore. He loved her and their son more than anything, and that was why he knew he couldn’t stay.
xxxxxx
“Will you be all right?” She asked.
“Yeah.”
“Be sure to eat well, and try to sleep at least eight hours a night,” she reminded him.
“I’ll try.”
“I love you.”
He had never been a sentimental man, even before the war. He muttered a gruff, “I love you, too,” and kissed her goodbye.
xxxxxx
He didn’t know how long their separation would last; he didn’t want to think about it. But thinking seemed to be all he could do, especially at night, when sleep eluded him.
He wanted her and Matthew to be happy. They could never be happy with him dragging them down, he reasoned. They needed to move on. Meanwhile, he needed to stay isolated, dreaming alone of the wife and child he didn’t deserve anymore.