Incomprehensible
Fandom: Torchwood
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1916
Summary: Ianto just doesn't get it. Mind you, neither does Gwen...
A/N: Written for karaokegal's "Come As You're Not" Halloween Party. It's Ianto/Gwen, people, mean to both of them and so so wrong, and I'm not just ashamed, I'm practically retching just at the thought of it, squirming and cringing and desperately avoiding posting it by typing on and on in this Author's Note for as long as I can possibly get away with it. Ack, sentence end, darn. Deep breath and... post!
Incomprehensible
Ianto honestly expected Gwen to be fired after the whole Carys incident. None of them (with the notable exception of Suzie) had made such a dangerous mistake before, and he couldn’t understand why Jack just let her get away with it. People had died because of her, and here she was lecturing them about morality and ethics every chance she got.
To Ianto, who was living in terror of what would happen if Jack found out what he was doing, it made no sense whatsoever. Jack couldn’t just forgive and forget something like that - Ianto had seen the way he dealt out punishment and vengeance, and this didn’t fit. There had to be something special about Gwen that had persuaded him to be lenient.
The idea started to plague him.
~*~
As the weeks ticked by, Ianto found himself keeping up with two projects in addition to his usual work. Lisa, and Gwen. The more he observed of Torchwood’s newest recruit, the less he understood. He couldn’t even find as base an explanation as lust - Gwen wasn’t stunningly gorgeous, and wasn’t getting any more than her fair share of Jack’s flirting (that still fell to him, and he made an effort to respond in kind. Anything to keep Jack’s attention away from the lower levels).
What he did begin to understand was Gwen herself. Her frustration at being unable to explain things to her boyfriend was already getting to her (he recognised the traits of a practised liar, and the moments of shame and guilt that flashed across her face when she thought of Rhys and thought no-one could see her) and she was working extra hard to try and make up for her initial mistakes, her lack of experience, and her utter failure to succeed outside of work. Ianto understood that all too well.
~*~
Eventually Gwen started to notice that he was watching her. She misinterpreted it, sent him a few amused smiles and missed him rolling his eyes expressively when she turned away.
It took him a little longer to realise that if he really wanted to know what was so special about Gwen Cooper, he could do worse than play up to her suppositions.
He started giving her an extra-soft smile when he brought her coffee (and made sure said coffee was made precisely to her tastes), paid her that little bit more attention than the others (even Jack), and assumed an air of interest whenever he asked her how she was (she always forgot to ask him in return, once she’d finished telling him all about the latest developments in her life).
It was tricky enough to prise her attention away from Jack and his mysteries long enough for him to make some sort of impression, but after a little while it seemed to be working. She wouldn’t chat to him (because hey, he was only the receptionist, he couldn’t possibly have anything interesting to say - and he swung between bitterness and wry amusement when he considered that), but she’d give him a dazzling smile every morning, and the CCTV caught her expressions as she turned away. He watched her move from condescension to curiosity to consideration, and thought things through as carefully as he could manage.
He knew it wasn’t a good idea. But all of his efforts to track down a cybernetics expert capable of helping Lisa had come to nothing. He’d been given the name Tanizaki, but finding the man was a whole different matter, and every day Lisa spent in the Hub was one day closer to their eventual discovery. And then Jack would kill him, if he hadn’t found out Gwen’s secret before then.
~*~
It happened again. Gwen screwed up (and even stole tech from the base for her own ends, despite Suzie’s wonderful example as a deterrent), someone died (admittedly it had mostly been suicide, and Owen had helped the whole screw-up on its way admirably) and she was wrapped up in a blanket and then shown the sunrise with Jack’s arm around her shoulders. He didn’t get it. He had to find out why.
He offered to drive her home.
She waited until they were on the road before asking quietly if they could go to his place instead. She started to explain that she couldn’t face being with her boyfriend right then (apparently he had no idea what it was like and was far too innocent for her to go home to him and unload something like this on his incapable shoulders), and Ianto let her talk herself into silence.
When he finally parked the car, he paused and looked over at her for a moment before summoning his courage, mentally apologising to Lisa (it was all for her benefit. This way, even if Jack discovered them he’d be able to persuade him to help instead of executing them both), and reaching over to put his hand on Gwen’s wrist, saying gently, “It wasn’t your fault.”
She looked down at his hand until he pulled away and got out of the car, then went around to open her door for her, while she stared at the lightening sky and got lost in her own thoughts.
~*~
Up in Ianto’s flat, Gwen sat on the sofa while he fetched her a drink (hot chocolate, not coffee) and then sat down beside her. She sipped at the chocolate pensively, and Ianto watched his hands for a moment, before telling her, “You really can’t blame yourself. If you can’t forgive yourself for your mistakes, Torchwood will destroy you.”
Gwen was silent for a few seconds, then asked, “You’ve killed people?”
Ianto flinched, and said, “I had to fight at Torchwood One. My friends all died.”
There was another silence, as if Gwen was trying to work out what to say in response to that, and then at last she tried, “I’m sorry?”
Ianto forced a smile (she seemed not to notice how false it was - he wondered if she’d managed to persuade herself not to see her own deceit, and thus couldn’t see it in anyone else) and told her, “It’s alright.”
She smiled back, and looked at her drink, then back up at him. Gently, he took the mug from her hands and put it on a coaster on the coffee table in front of them, and when she simply let him, he leaned in and kissed her.
~*~
Afterwards, Ianto was busily trying to work past the wave of self-loathing to ask Gwen what her secret was when she said, “Is Torchwood always like this?”
Ianto rolled onto his side to look down at her, saying, “It feels like it sometimes. It is possible to leave, if it gets too much, though.”
Gwen laughed.
“I can’t leave,” she told him in amusement. “You lot need someone to remind you that people are important.”
Ianto turned over and got out of bed, forcing down the bile that rose in his throat and asking her (without turning), “You want a drink?”
“Ooh, thanks Ianto, that’d be lovely,” she cooed, apparently utterly unaware of the reaction her flippant comment had provoked.
Ianto took the opportunity to flee the room, letting the door swing shut behind him and getting his back to the wall beside it, fists clenched, eyes closed, head back and fighting tears desperately. He managed to muffle his sobs, turning to face the wall and covering his face with his hands. What the hell was he doing? He’d achieved nothing - all he’d managed was to prove that Gwen was right, and he’d lost all sense of right and wrong.
It took him a few moments to pull himself together again, drawing on his deepest reserves of willpower and telling himself sternly that he’d started this and he’d damn well see it through to the end, without the slightest hint of stress if he could help it. Brushing the tears from his cheeks, he fetched two glasses of water from the kitchen and went back, pasting a slight smile on his face and trying his best to quash the feeling of disgust (he wasn’t quite sure which of them it was aimed at. Perhaps both) that rose up when Gwen made herself comfortable and took her drink from him, with a bright smile.
Ianto sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his glass and regretting everything.
For a few moments there was silence, and then Gwen said, “Do you mind if I stay here this morning?”
“Go ahead,” Ianto told her, only just managing to keep his voice light. “I’ll have to head back to the Hub soon, anyway.”
“Jack keeps you busy,” Gwen said idly, and Ianto sensed a hint of envy in the unspoken question. That amused him, bitterly. She wanted the attention Jack gave him, and he wanted the forgiveness Jack gave her. He wondered if they were both only playacting for the sake of that greed.
“I just do my job,” he said by way of response. “The Hub takes a lot of looking after.”
He would have continued, but one glance at Gwen told him her mind was already elsewhere, so instead he commented, “Jack was quick to send you out on missions. Owen was here a month before he was out in the field.”
“Jack knows I can help,” Gwen said, with casual conceit, and Ianto nodded, more to stop her from saying anything else than to show he agreed. It was clear to him now that she had no real idea why Jack spared her and spared her. This whole thing had been a waste of time, and that made it so much worse.
For a few moments longer, Ianto considered things, trying to work out what was in the flat that would be particularly incriminating if Gwen stumbled across it. Once he’d assured himself that everything was either locked away or hidden so that nothing short of a complete search of the flat would turn it up (and while he didn’t quite put it past Jack to organise that if he thought it necessary, privacy be damned, he knew fine well that Gwen had no such orders - after all, he was the one keeping track of all her communications, as per Jack’s initial orders) he decided to give in to the urge to flee the scene, even if it meant leaving Gwen to make a mess of the place.
“I should really get back,” he said, and Gwen looked up from her drink, asking, “Do you want me to go…?”
“It’s alright,” Ianto told her. “Just make sure the door locks when you leave.”
“Thanks, Ianto,” Gwen responded, with another of her too-bright smiles, and snuggled down in his bed, while he got up and went to shower. By the time he was dressed and on his way out, she’d curled up and gone to sleep, utterly shameless. Ianto wondered if she’d thought of Rhys once since they’d arrived at his flat.
~*~
The next day in work neither of them could quite meet each other’s eyes. Ianto was pleased to see that Gwen felt a little guilty about what had happened, though she seemed to regard it as some sort of gift for him. Charity, almost. It made him wonder what she really thought of him, whenever she actually bothered to consider him.
But at last he abandoned his obsession with Gwen, and threw himself into finding Tanizaki. That, at least, was something he knew he was right to do.
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1916
Summary: Ianto just doesn't get it. Mind you, neither does Gwen...
A/N: Written for karaokegal's "Come As You're Not" Halloween Party. It's Ianto/Gwen, people, mean to both of them and so so wrong, and I'm not just ashamed, I'm practically retching just at the thought of it, squirming and cringing and desperately avoiding posting it by typing on and on in this Author's Note for as long as I can possibly get away with it. Ack, sentence end, darn. Deep breath and... post!
Incomprehensible
Ianto honestly expected Gwen to be fired after the whole Carys incident. None of them (with the notable exception of Suzie) had made such a dangerous mistake before, and he couldn’t understand why Jack just let her get away with it. People had died because of her, and here she was lecturing them about morality and ethics every chance she got.
To Ianto, who was living in terror of what would happen if Jack found out what he was doing, it made no sense whatsoever. Jack couldn’t just forgive and forget something like that - Ianto had seen the way he dealt out punishment and vengeance, and this didn’t fit. There had to be something special about Gwen that had persuaded him to be lenient.
The idea started to plague him.
~*~
As the weeks ticked by, Ianto found himself keeping up with two projects in addition to his usual work. Lisa, and Gwen. The more he observed of Torchwood’s newest recruit, the less he understood. He couldn’t even find as base an explanation as lust - Gwen wasn’t stunningly gorgeous, and wasn’t getting any more than her fair share of Jack’s flirting (that still fell to him, and he made an effort to respond in kind. Anything to keep Jack’s attention away from the lower levels).
What he did begin to understand was Gwen herself. Her frustration at being unable to explain things to her boyfriend was already getting to her (he recognised the traits of a practised liar, and the moments of shame and guilt that flashed across her face when she thought of Rhys and thought no-one could see her) and she was working extra hard to try and make up for her initial mistakes, her lack of experience, and her utter failure to succeed outside of work. Ianto understood that all too well.
~*~
Eventually Gwen started to notice that he was watching her. She misinterpreted it, sent him a few amused smiles and missed him rolling his eyes expressively when she turned away.
It took him a little longer to realise that if he really wanted to know what was so special about Gwen Cooper, he could do worse than play up to her suppositions.
He started giving her an extra-soft smile when he brought her coffee (and made sure said coffee was made precisely to her tastes), paid her that little bit more attention than the others (even Jack), and assumed an air of interest whenever he asked her how she was (she always forgot to ask him in return, once she’d finished telling him all about the latest developments in her life).
It was tricky enough to prise her attention away from Jack and his mysteries long enough for him to make some sort of impression, but after a little while it seemed to be working. She wouldn’t chat to him (because hey, he was only the receptionist, he couldn’t possibly have anything interesting to say - and he swung between bitterness and wry amusement when he considered that), but she’d give him a dazzling smile every morning, and the CCTV caught her expressions as she turned away. He watched her move from condescension to curiosity to consideration, and thought things through as carefully as he could manage.
He knew it wasn’t a good idea. But all of his efforts to track down a cybernetics expert capable of helping Lisa had come to nothing. He’d been given the name Tanizaki, but finding the man was a whole different matter, and every day Lisa spent in the Hub was one day closer to their eventual discovery. And then Jack would kill him, if he hadn’t found out Gwen’s secret before then.
~*~
It happened again. Gwen screwed up (and even stole tech from the base for her own ends, despite Suzie’s wonderful example as a deterrent), someone died (admittedly it had mostly been suicide, and Owen had helped the whole screw-up on its way admirably) and she was wrapped up in a blanket and then shown the sunrise with Jack’s arm around her shoulders. He didn’t get it. He had to find out why.
He offered to drive her home.
She waited until they were on the road before asking quietly if they could go to his place instead. She started to explain that she couldn’t face being with her boyfriend right then (apparently he had no idea what it was like and was far too innocent for her to go home to him and unload something like this on his incapable shoulders), and Ianto let her talk herself into silence.
When he finally parked the car, he paused and looked over at her for a moment before summoning his courage, mentally apologising to Lisa (it was all for her benefit. This way, even if Jack discovered them he’d be able to persuade him to help instead of executing them both), and reaching over to put his hand on Gwen’s wrist, saying gently, “It wasn’t your fault.”
She looked down at his hand until he pulled away and got out of the car, then went around to open her door for her, while she stared at the lightening sky and got lost in her own thoughts.
~*~
Up in Ianto’s flat, Gwen sat on the sofa while he fetched her a drink (hot chocolate, not coffee) and then sat down beside her. She sipped at the chocolate pensively, and Ianto watched his hands for a moment, before telling her, “You really can’t blame yourself. If you can’t forgive yourself for your mistakes, Torchwood will destroy you.”
Gwen was silent for a few seconds, then asked, “You’ve killed people?”
Ianto flinched, and said, “I had to fight at Torchwood One. My friends all died.”
There was another silence, as if Gwen was trying to work out what to say in response to that, and then at last she tried, “I’m sorry?”
Ianto forced a smile (she seemed not to notice how false it was - he wondered if she’d managed to persuade herself not to see her own deceit, and thus couldn’t see it in anyone else) and told her, “It’s alright.”
She smiled back, and looked at her drink, then back up at him. Gently, he took the mug from her hands and put it on a coaster on the coffee table in front of them, and when she simply let him, he leaned in and kissed her.
~*~
Afterwards, Ianto was busily trying to work past the wave of self-loathing to ask Gwen what her secret was when she said, “Is Torchwood always like this?”
Ianto rolled onto his side to look down at her, saying, “It feels like it sometimes. It is possible to leave, if it gets too much, though.”
Gwen laughed.
“I can’t leave,” she told him in amusement. “You lot need someone to remind you that people are important.”
Ianto turned over and got out of bed, forcing down the bile that rose in his throat and asking her (without turning), “You want a drink?”
“Ooh, thanks Ianto, that’d be lovely,” she cooed, apparently utterly unaware of the reaction her flippant comment had provoked.
Ianto took the opportunity to flee the room, letting the door swing shut behind him and getting his back to the wall beside it, fists clenched, eyes closed, head back and fighting tears desperately. He managed to muffle his sobs, turning to face the wall and covering his face with his hands. What the hell was he doing? He’d achieved nothing - all he’d managed was to prove that Gwen was right, and he’d lost all sense of right and wrong.
It took him a few moments to pull himself together again, drawing on his deepest reserves of willpower and telling himself sternly that he’d started this and he’d damn well see it through to the end, without the slightest hint of stress if he could help it. Brushing the tears from his cheeks, he fetched two glasses of water from the kitchen and went back, pasting a slight smile on his face and trying his best to quash the feeling of disgust (he wasn’t quite sure which of them it was aimed at. Perhaps both) that rose up when Gwen made herself comfortable and took her drink from him, with a bright smile.
Ianto sat on the edge of the bed, staring at his glass and regretting everything.
For a few moments there was silence, and then Gwen said, “Do you mind if I stay here this morning?”
“Go ahead,” Ianto told her, only just managing to keep his voice light. “I’ll have to head back to the Hub soon, anyway.”
“Jack keeps you busy,” Gwen said idly, and Ianto sensed a hint of envy in the unspoken question. That amused him, bitterly. She wanted the attention Jack gave him, and he wanted the forgiveness Jack gave her. He wondered if they were both only playacting for the sake of that greed.
“I just do my job,” he said by way of response. “The Hub takes a lot of looking after.”
He would have continued, but one glance at Gwen told him her mind was already elsewhere, so instead he commented, “Jack was quick to send you out on missions. Owen was here a month before he was out in the field.”
“Jack knows I can help,” Gwen said, with casual conceit, and Ianto nodded, more to stop her from saying anything else than to show he agreed. It was clear to him now that she had no real idea why Jack spared her and spared her. This whole thing had been a waste of time, and that made it so much worse.
For a few moments longer, Ianto considered things, trying to work out what was in the flat that would be particularly incriminating if Gwen stumbled across it. Once he’d assured himself that everything was either locked away or hidden so that nothing short of a complete search of the flat would turn it up (and while he didn’t quite put it past Jack to organise that if he thought it necessary, privacy be damned, he knew fine well that Gwen had no such orders - after all, he was the one keeping track of all her communications, as per Jack’s initial orders) he decided to give in to the urge to flee the scene, even if it meant leaving Gwen to make a mess of the place.
“I should really get back,” he said, and Gwen looked up from her drink, asking, “Do you want me to go…?”
“It’s alright,” Ianto told her. “Just make sure the door locks when you leave.”
“Thanks, Ianto,” Gwen responded, with another of her too-bright smiles, and snuggled down in his bed, while he got up and went to shower. By the time he was dressed and on his way out, she’d curled up and gone to sleep, utterly shameless. Ianto wondered if she’d thought of Rhys once since they’d arrived at his flat.
~*~
The next day in work neither of them could quite meet each other’s eyes. Ianto was pleased to see that Gwen felt a little guilty about what had happened, though she seemed to regard it as some sort of gift for him. Charity, almost. It made him wonder what she really thought of him, whenever she actually bothered to consider him.
But at last he abandoned his obsession with Gwen, and threw himself into finding Tanizaki. That, at least, was something he knew he was right to do.