Keep Calm and Conceal Vulcans | STXI | NC-17 | 10b/16
Title: Keep Calm and Conceal Vulcans (10/16)
Beta: rainbowstrlght
Series: STXI AU
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~10,000
Warnings: You’ll never look at cinnamon rolls the same way
Summary: A 21st Century AU; In a time when alien life has yet to be discovered, Spock's ship crash-lands in Jim Kirk's cornfield. But dammit, this is real life - not an episode of The X-Files!
Disclaimer: Somewhere over the slash rainbow of my mind, it happened. But not in Kansas, unfortunately.
MASTERPOST
“Nonono no - I’m turning around and looking away, looking away forever. Christ Jim, just when I thought I’d burned out the image of your naked ass I have to be subjected to it all over again.”
Jim may or may not have squealed like a girl being sprayed with a hose as he scrambled for sweats to bunch over his crotch. “Fuck me gently, have you heard of knocking, woman?”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not as if you get laid in the kitchen on a daily basis!”
Spock was already jumping to attention and diving for his black jeans in the most disgustingly graceful display of speed Jim had ever seen. Jim was busy standing and awkwardly wiggling into his bottoms as Nyota mutely thumped her forehead on the wall like she was trying to knock the image out of her skull.
Well it was her fault for barging in the backdoor... with the key that Jim had given her like seven years ago. Um.
“And it’s not as if you get laid on a daily ba-” Nyota paused, and abruptly looked over her shoulder to blink owlishly at the half-naked Spock.
“Dude.” Jim was still tugging on his shirt as he hopped in front of Spock, whose face was going - green, fuck, green - with embarrassment as he struggled to button a shirt which had very few buttons. “Stop checking out my boy- er, Spock. What kinda faghag are you?”
But oh, this was all unfolding like some horribly contrived slow-motion scene. Nyota turning, her eyes going wide as an anime character’s as her gaze raced over Spock’s flushed chest and cheeks and - good, great, the tips of his ears peeked out from ruffled hair as well.
Well.
The kitchen timer chirped a happy little ding!
Jim looked around and cleared his throat. “So um, who wants cinnamon rolls?”
“You’re green.” Nyota said to Spock. She looked to Jim. “He’s green.”
“Yeah, well, we figured out I wasn’t colour-blind and just fashion-challenged when I was like seventeen.”
Nyota pointed at Spock. “You will continue to remain silent and you,” her voice dropped an octave as she glared daggers at Jim. “Are coming with me. Also silently.”
Jim bristled at being told what to do, even by his best friend, but he knew he was backed up against a corner here. He didn’t want to ask for help, but - well. Jim sent a plaintive look over his shoulder to indicate what the fuck do I do at Spock.
“Please,” Spock said with a firm tone. “I suggest you speak with me rather than Jim. I believe you comprehend as well as I that he will only complicate matters. He possesses a remarkable affinity for chaos."
“Hey, thanks.” Jim smiled happily to himself - and immediately sobered up as he caught Nyota’s Medusa stare. “I mean, yeah - he’s probably right.” Jim jerked his thumb in the direction of Spock and offered Nyota a contrite smile. “He knows more about being an alien than I do, after all.”
Nyota laughed in clear disbelief, her smile close-mouthed and sharp as she eyed them both. “Sure, okay Jim. And I have a tiny robot operating within my skull.”
“That would explain the freakish intelligence and - nevermind.” Jim felt sandwiched between two glowers, and it was pretty unpleasant. “Let’s just sit - or, you two sit and I’ll stop the rolls from burning.”
“Thinking about food at a time like this?” Nyota asked as he skirted the room, keeping a wide berth from Spock as she warily sat at the table. It was clear that she was trying to keep her composure - and doing a better job of it than anyone else Jim could imagine. Aside from himself, of course.
Nyota had always been the strong one between the two of them, and she handled the unexpected very well. Her ability to take life’s obstacles and surprises in stride - and look amazing while doing so - had always been something Jim admired.
Jim took what life threw at him, but then he gagged it and buried it alive in an unmarked grave. Nyota broke apart her difficulties into manageable pieces and puzzled them back together to suit her needs. Sometimes she even helped Jim do the same - if he let her. Jim wasn’t exactly known for accepting help or advice. Not when he was right so very, very often.
“Well I’ve worked up one hell of an app-” Jim caught Spock’s pointed glare, which was about an equal calibre of terrifying as Nyota’s. “-reciation for well-made food, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”
Nyota didn’t even sigh in frustration, which was a bad sign. She sat ramrod straight in her seat and folded her arms across her chest. Spock had taken a chair across the table, and regarded her with what might have been a similar expression to that time Jim had held a shotgun to his face.
Apparently Jim wasn’t the only one trying to calculate the best tactical retreat.
He turned his back to them and busied himself with removing the rolls from the oven. Christ, he wanted a shower. There was butter in all of the wrong places and there was zero sexy things about that. And Spock really needed to wash his hands - or at least not touch anyone in any way. That was probably easy, considering Spock. Honestly, as amazing as gay sex was, it was so goddamn mess-
“You’re going to answer all of questions without any fanfare,” Nyota said from the table, her voice like steel. “If you lie to me, I will know. I read body language for a living.”
“Pike shoulda hired her,” Jim said under his breath.
Nyota barrelled on with, “Who are you really and what are you doing here?” And it wasn’t that Jim was scared to turn around, per se - it was just that he also needed to rush, uh, to the bathroom and shower before he could look his best friend in the eyes again.
Jim escaped the room to the sound of Spock’s equally uncompromising tone saying, “Let it be known that should you betray this trust, I can and will wipe your memory.”
Jim snorted at the corny line just as Nyota burst into an incredulous laugh. Yeah, that was why they were friends. No matter how serious Nyota pretended to be, she still appreciated the ridiculous things in life.
Hurrying up the stairs, Jim stripped off and jumped in the shower before the water had even heated.
Christ, Jim hadn’t even considered swearing Nyota to secrecy. It hadn’t crossed his mind to see her as anything other than trustworthy. Sure, a kind of sickening terror had gripped Jim upon his initial realisation that the jig was up, but he hadn’t liked lying to his best friend. Jim felt kind of slimy doing it and now - should Spock deem her worthy - Jim would at least have someone whom with he could speak candidly.
Or Jim could walk into the kitchen to find Nyota’s memories completely blitzed.
Jim swallowed down a knot of panic and bolted out of the bathroom like the Flash, only with less spandex. Not that he wouldn’t look good in spandex, by the way. But he yanked on a pair of ripped jeans without considering underwear, and clattered down the stairs as he tugged on an awful t-shirt with a painted wolf on it that Gaila had bought at Wisconsin Dells as a joke.
Nyota’s voice carried clear and concise as a Vulcan’s before Jim even got to the kitchen.
“Let’s pretend for a moment that I believe you so far. That you’re an... extraterrestrial.”
The fact that Nyota could say that with a straight face when she was clearly incredulous made Jim smile as he padded into the room. Of course, both Spock and Nyota flashed mirror looks of disapproval when they noted Jim’s pleased expression.
God, he was friends with such Debbie Downers. Too bad he liked them so damn much.
Nyota laced her fingers atop the table and leaned in, her eyes sharp.
“If I were to believe that and the story of how you crashed here -”
“There’s a big-ass scorch mark in my field if you wanna -”
“Kirk.”
Jim smiled shamelessly. It was so nice to have friends all together like this.
Nyota’s lips quirked, but her mouth flattened the minute she looked back to the expressionless Spock. “As I was saying - what’s your purpose here?”
“Ha!” Jim approached the kitchen table, spun a chair around and straddled it. “Good luck with that one. I’ve been tryin’ to pry it outta him for weeks now.”
Jim blinked at the twin withering stares. “What?”
“Kirk, can I speak to you alone for a moment?”
Jim hated that he actually looked to Spock before answering. It wasn’t like he needed permission or anything, but he’d looked all the same. Looked at Spock like he couldn’t stop.
Dammit Jim, get a grip.
Jim considered telling Nyota that it probably didn’t matter where they went in the house, that Spock would be able to hear them if he wanted. But that wouldn’t be much help - and as far as Jim knew Spock wasn’t the type to eavesdrop, so Jim kept his mouth shut for once.
Instead he nodded with his best solemn expression and led the way to his office.
As he stepped inside and looked over the clutter that was gathering a layer of dust from disuse, Jim remembered Spock’s words from weeks and weeks ago.
Yes, I carry the knowledge to solve your conundrum.
Are you not interested in hearing my solution to your problem?
Spock had the answers Jim searched for. He had the solution to making the world a better place - a cleaner, more efficient planet. He hadn’t necessarily made a direct offer of information, but the idea had been planted in Jim’s thoughts nonetheless.
If Jim asked, it was possible...
No, Jim was better than that. He might not have a load of fancy degrees to prove it, but Jim had never been one for proving shit to anyone other than himself. He had his intelligence, his obnoxious tenacity and a frighteningly innovative Scotsman on his side. Jim didn’t need help when he could manage on his own. He’d been independent for a long time now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
He was pretty badass like that.
Thing was, since Spock had arrived Jim’s work had taken a backseat. A new passion had taken up the time of his old one, and that kind of irked him. Jim probably had hundreds of emails by now, and Scotty likely thought him dead in an explosion with some shrapnel lodged in his face.
Jim knew he needed to get back to the office again. Needed it in order to stay sane and centred rather than for any intellectual purpose. But Spock was... he was leaving soon, and so Jim could wait a little longer. He’d need something to keep him busy later, anyway.
Mentally shaking himself from the emo mood, Jim refocused his attention on Nyota as she shut the door behind them.
“So okay, this has probably been a lot to take in, but -”
“Is this some kind of joke, Kirk?” Nyota’s mouth thinned as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Just tell me that first. I know you’ve dedicated yourself to some lengthy pranks in your time -”
“Hey,” Jim snapped, his muscles tensing for a fight. God, he was raring for one. “You think this is a joke? He’s green, Nyota. You saw his ears - he’s a fuckin’ elf! You really think that I’d make that shit up - that I’m not taking this seriously?”
“You don’t take anything seriously, Kirk.”
Jim inclined his chin and stared her down. She stared back evenly.
Nyota sighed. “Okay, fine. That was uncalled for. I know you take a lot more to heart than you ever let on, but -” She motioned expressively towards the door, and it was a wonder she didn’t just z-snap right then and there. “Him? Out of everyone you could have screwed around with, you chose a supposed alien? I mean, what were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t, I -”
“That tends to be a common trend with you.”
Jim was developing a twitch in his jaw. “You don’t think I’m lost in this fucking Labyrinth of Space Insanity too? I’ve been launched into a sci-fi movie, and it is so not as awesome as I expected.”
“Well you’re screwing another life form, so you don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“You have no idea what I - nevermind.” Jim fumed and threw his hands up in a futile gesture. He didn’t need to explain himself to anyone, and he wasn’t going to. It wasn’t like she’d get it anyway, not when Jim hardly understood it all himself. “Look -”
“No, you look. You’re not going all boss-man on me, Kirk. Everyone else lets you get away with that, but not me.”
Jim went stubbornly silent. It was a very rare occurrence - like seeing snow leopards mate in the wild or something - but it did happen on occasion. Mostly with Nyota, because she was scary.
Just like that, Nyota’s shoulders slumped and her gaze softened.
“I’m concerned. Let me be concerned. This? This is a mess the likes of which I’ve never seen from you before, and that’s saying something. But if... if Spock is what he says he is, and I choose to believe that until further evidence arises, then I want to be here for you. I’m - I’m not sure what I can do, but I can’t stay quiet on this, and I’m not going to let you deal on your own.” Nyota smiled tentatively. “Whenever you handle problems alone, explosions and nudity tend to ensue.”
Jim grinned, alleviation lightening his bones. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Nyota rolled her eyes, but her smile remained. She approached him and loosely linked her arms around his waist, and settled her forehead upon his shoulder. “I’m worried about you, Kirk. This... this isn’t normal. Even for you. This isn’t something that you should have to deal with. I don’t even know how you managed to keep this a secret for so long.”
Jim hummed under his breath and nuzzled his cheek against her long, soft hair. He firmly returned the lingering hug, allowing them to sway for a moment as he remembered that, yeah, he could do shit on his own - but it was nice when someone had your back. Jim forgot that a lot.
He shifted and angled his chin towards Nyota as he murmured against the comfort of hair. “I’m scared this is all gonna fall apart, ‘Yota. I feel like I’m playing Jenga while drunk.” That was the only verbalised admission of doubt he’d ever give himself.
Nyota was quiet for a long while before she said, “I think it will.”
Jim hated knowing she was probably right.
“Since we’re going the whole boyfriend talk - what’s the deal with you and my other best friend? Do I hear wedding bells in the distance? Or is that the sound of Bones screaming and running away when he finds the collection of pristine, dead-eyed Barbies in your closet?”
Nyota pulled away with a perplexed smile. “You think Spock is your boyfriend?”
Jim’s eyes popped wide as his heart began to thump in his ears like a klaxon on red alert.
“Uh -”
“Aside from that being completely messed up on several levels, does he know?”
“Know what? That I’m fucked up on several levels? Yeah, I think he probably gathered that around the first day when I welcomed an alien into my house.”
Jim needed to make a very hasty and tactical retreat like five minutes ago.
Nyota was apparently not to be deterred, though, and her stupid smile was spreading. “Does he know that you think he’s your boyfriend? I know you’re kind of relationship deaf, dumb, and blind, but that kind of thing is usually a two-way street.”
Oh, Nyota was amused as all fuck by this. She laughed and placed her palms on Jim’s burning cheeks. “Speechless and blushing? Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re in -”
“Stop,” Jim choked out.
Nyota paused and blinked, her eyes abruptly going misty.
“Oh,” she whispered. “Oh you absolute idiot,” she said as she pulled Jim in close and clung to him.
Jim scowled past her head at the far wall, but he couldn’t deny that something in his chest loosened, just a little.
Nyota said against his neck, “For someone who acts so uncomplicated, you really do have a propensity for chaos.”
Jim had to laugh, because if he didn’t he’d probably go insane and start wearing shoes on his head or something. Although that would be an interesting way to keep people at arm’s length so that he didn’t, you know, fall in stupid ridiculous craptastic love with them.
Once he managed to stop Nyota from clutching at him like a baby koala, Jim jerked his head toward the door and Nyota followed in silent agreement.
Jim had to break into a smile when he entered the kitchen. Cinnamon rolls dripping with glistening white frosting sat on the counter, the dishes were washed, and Spock was sitting at the table, straight as a plank with a bit of strain around the eyes. Gumby’s head was resting on Spock’s thigh as he was mechanically scratched behind the ears.
The poor guy was nervous - and Jim totally got some perverse pleasure out of the knowledge.
Then again, he also kind of wanted to scoop Spock in his arms and cuddle him like a panda or a puppy or something. And now Jim was thankful that he was out of mind-reading reach lest Spock realise how legitimately crazy Jim actually was.
Also - a panda? Really?
Jim knew what brand of crazy this was - he’d read about it in New Scientist magazine this one time. Jim was just high on oxytocin, the body’s own love potion. It was making him think all kinds of crazily inappropriate things now that he’d seen Spock naked.
Or maybe that was just him being a guy. He wasn’t sure. Sometimes what was normal for him was highly unusual for others.
Jim cleared his throat as he wiped his mind of naked Vulcans and pandas.
“So, I think it’s safe to say you won’t have to mind-molest my best friend today.”
Spock blinked, his shoulders shifting in the slightest show of relief.
Nyota laughed softly and swept past him, “I’m not going to ask what that means right now. I think I know more than I ever wanted to at this point.” She aimed a pointed look at Spock as she sat beside him. “But don’t think I’ve let this drop. You and Kirk? That’s sticky business - and Jim don’t you dare make a sick joke while I’m in the middle of a serious discussion.”
Jim held his hands up with an exaggerated expression of innocence. “Would I ever?”
Nyota ignored him, as very few people could. She cocked her head at Spock in an almost Vulcan expression. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
Jim’s smile faded as Spock abruptly stiffened, his expression going statue-still.
“You are not in any position to make such an inaccurate conclusion.”
“And you’re screwing Jim why?” Nyota replied in quick-fire.
Jim would have choked on his own saliva had his mouth not gone completely dry. He actually wanted to know the answer to this one.
Spock’s eyes flashed to Jim and then fixed on Nyota. “The subject of our relationship is not your concern.”
“He’s my friend,” Nyota shot back. “As much as I hate to say this while he’s actually in the room, he’s like a brother to me. So you mess with him then you mess with me. Is that clear?”
Spock’s unblinking gaze narrowed. “He is my friend as well. So under that line of logic, may I question you?”
Jim very definitely squeaked with glee.
Both Spock and Nyota shifted to stare at him with equal looks of bemusement. God, if only they saw how similar they were. Of course Jim would never actually say that because he enjoyed keeping his balls.
Jim cleared his throat. “Um. Keep goin’ at it guys. I feel like we have a lot of unresolved sexual tension in the room, and this could turn into a threes-”
“Jim.”
“Kirk.”
“All right, all right, jeez! How about we just drop this for a while and like, take a break - eat? Eating would be good.”
Why Jim was diverting the conversation away from the one answer he wanted from Spock, he didn’t know. Maybe he was a sick, masochistic bastard. Maybe he just didn’t want to be disappointed.
Or maybe he was just fucking hungry. Mind-blowing sex could do that to a person - and Jim couldn’t even remember the last time he had five star sex. Not that he rated it or anything.
Nyota shook her head and scraped her chair back as she stood. “No thanks, Kirk. I think… ” she trailed off, her eyes flicking from Jim to Spock and back. “I think I need some time to process this. I’m sure it wasn’t difficult for you to grasp, but most people tend to live in reality, and so this is a bit harder to swallow for me.”
Jim’s lips quirked as he slung his arm over Nyota’s thin shoulders and ushered her towards the front door. “Understandable. Not everyone can be as awesome as me.”
Nyota just heaved a sigh and tried not to look amused. Though, when they reached the foyer her expression sobered.
She leaned in, her voice hushed. “Be careful. Don’t forget what Spock is.”
Jim’s frowned sharply, his hackles rising. “What -”
“I don’t mean he’s a bad... creature. Person. Whatever. Just don’t forget that he’s not human and he did not come here for the sole purpose of playing house with you. Jim.”
Nyota’s eyes were imploring, her tone urgent and sincere. “I like Spock - I liked him from the first time I met him. But the situation wasn’t what I’d previously assumed. For once it’s imperative that you stay grounded in this. Because I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Spock knows about a million other things that he’s not telling you.”
“All of that isn’t really my business,” Jim said, refusing to shuffle his feet. “It’s not like I own him or anything.”
Nyota cocked her head, a soft smile playing on her lips. “You are so far gone.”
Before Jim could ask how the hell she knew something like that, Nyota pressed a dry kiss to his cheek and let herself out with a half wave. The door was shut in his face, and a cold draft seeped into his skin before Jim could even react.
Jim shivered and rubbed his hands roughly over his forearms. Well, this was all kinds of epically fucked up. But what was done was done, and Jim no longer had any control over what was going on. Not that he ever had much in the first place, but up until a couple of hours ago Jim had felt kind of special in carrying an important secret that no one else had known about. Sure, Nyota tended to be a part of his circle of trust, but this - This Thing with Spock had given Jim direction.
Or perhaps he was simply growing more lost by the day. He certainly felt that way every time he really looked at Spock. Both lost and at home at the same time. Both gravitated towards him and thrown off balance.
God, Jim was an awkward motherfucker.
He turned to head back into the kitchen and abruptly bumped into Spock’s chest. Firm, warm hands slid up to grip his elbows, but released him immediately. Jim peered up with a quizzical smile, the sudden silence between them pounding in his ears like a heartbeat.
Spock met his gaze, his own expression stoic and serene as it ever was - but for the eyes. They were skipping over Jim’s every feature, touching him everywhere that Spock’s hands were not. He looked like he badly wanted to say something, but didn’t know where to start.
It used to be that Spock didn’t look like he wanted to talk at all. Then as he became more comfortable around Jim he began to speak in an offhand manner that was so completely Spock.
And then there were times when it was clear Spock wanted to express something more imperative than the idle comment. It was then that he carried this expression - complete stillness and begging eyes. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it.
Jim grinned and lightly punched Spock’s shoulder. “So we’re friends, huh? Like, in the Sam and Frodo way, or...?”
That little comma-shaped wrinkle dented the space between Spock’s eyebrows. “In as much as I can be anyone’s friend.”
“Jesus, could you sound any more foreboding?”
“From what you have insinuated on previous occasions, yes.”
Jim leaned in and kissed Spock.
Mostly because the urge had struck Jim so suddenly, that he’d been unable to do anything other than exactly what he wanted.
There were no hands or limbs or even tongue involved. Jim simply closed his eyes and captured that frowning mouth with his own. Lingered at the sweet swell of that Cupid’s bow lip, and quietly breathed in the cinnamon scent of Spock.
A sigh passed between their lips, a shared release of mounting tension as they parted easily.
Jim stared up at Spock, feeling rawer and more exposed than any wild fuck on the kitchen floor could ever accomplish. His body was one giant pulse, his mouth gone dry as Jim fought to keep the uncharacteristic nerves from shining in his eyes.
He never kissed anyone like that. Not since he was like ten and innocent, anyway. This wasn’t... nothing about this was normal. Whatever the hell normal meant these days, anyway. Han Solo could show up on his doorstep at this point and Jim would be less than impressed.
“Sorry,” Jim whispered.
For the first time since they’d crashed into each other’s lives, Jim actually meant it.
“As am I,” Spock said after a time.
Jim shook off his mood and laughed.
“Okay man, now you’re getting legit creepy. Let’s eat - I’m fucking starved.”
“When is it that you are not on the brink of apparent starvation?” Spock asked as they meandered towards the kitchen.
“I think I actually have a tapeworm. We should Google it.”
“You do not have a tapeworm, Jim.”
“You don’t know. If I did then you could call me Tapeworm Jim. Like Earthworm Jim, that old cart - nevermind.”
“Get in the kitchen, Jim.”
“I’m going, I’m going!”
Chapter Eleven
Beta: rainbowstrlght
Series: STXI AU
Rating: NC-17
Length: ~10,000
Warnings: You’ll never look at cinnamon rolls the same way
Summary: A 21st Century AU; In a time when alien life has yet to be discovered, Spock's ship crash-lands in Jim Kirk's cornfield. But dammit, this is real life - not an episode of The X-Files!
Disclaimer: Somewhere over the slash rainbow of my mind, it happened. But not in Kansas, unfortunately.
MASTERPOST
“Nonono no - I’m turning around and looking away, looking away forever. Christ Jim, just when I thought I’d burned out the image of your naked ass I have to be subjected to it all over again.”
Jim may or may not have squealed like a girl being sprayed with a hose as he scrambled for sweats to bunch over his crotch. “Fuck me gently, have you heard of knocking, woman?”
“I’m sorry, but it’s not as if you get laid in the kitchen on a daily basis!”
Spock was already jumping to attention and diving for his black jeans in the most disgustingly graceful display of speed Jim had ever seen. Jim was busy standing and awkwardly wiggling into his bottoms as Nyota mutely thumped her forehead on the wall like she was trying to knock the image out of her skull.
Well it was her fault for barging in the backdoor... with the key that Jim had given her like seven years ago. Um.
“And it’s not as if you get laid on a daily ba-” Nyota paused, and abruptly looked over her shoulder to blink owlishly at the half-naked Spock.
“Dude.” Jim was still tugging on his shirt as he hopped in front of Spock, whose face was going - green, fuck, green - with embarrassment as he struggled to button a shirt which had very few buttons. “Stop checking out my boy- er, Spock. What kinda faghag are you?”
But oh, this was all unfolding like some horribly contrived slow-motion scene. Nyota turning, her eyes going wide as an anime character’s as her gaze raced over Spock’s flushed chest and cheeks and - good, great, the tips of his ears peeked out from ruffled hair as well.
Well.
The kitchen timer chirped a happy little ding!
Jim looked around and cleared his throat. “So um, who wants cinnamon rolls?”
“You’re green.” Nyota said to Spock. She looked to Jim. “He’s green.”
“Yeah, well, we figured out I wasn’t colour-blind and just fashion-challenged when I was like seventeen.”
Nyota pointed at Spock. “You will continue to remain silent and you,” her voice dropped an octave as she glared daggers at Jim. “Are coming with me. Also silently.”
Jim bristled at being told what to do, even by his best friend, but he knew he was backed up against a corner here. He didn’t want to ask for help, but - well. Jim sent a plaintive look over his shoulder to indicate what the fuck do I do at Spock.
“Please,” Spock said with a firm tone. “I suggest you speak with me rather than Jim. I believe you comprehend as well as I that he will only complicate matters. He possesses a remarkable affinity for chaos."
“Hey, thanks.” Jim smiled happily to himself - and immediately sobered up as he caught Nyota’s Medusa stare. “I mean, yeah - he’s probably right.” Jim jerked his thumb in the direction of Spock and offered Nyota a contrite smile. “He knows more about being an alien than I do, after all.”
Nyota laughed in clear disbelief, her smile close-mouthed and sharp as she eyed them both. “Sure, okay Jim. And I have a tiny robot operating within my skull.”
“That would explain the freakish intelligence and - nevermind.” Jim felt sandwiched between two glowers, and it was pretty unpleasant. “Let’s just sit - or, you two sit and I’ll stop the rolls from burning.”
“Thinking about food at a time like this?” Nyota asked as he skirted the room, keeping a wide berth from Spock as she warily sat at the table. It was clear that she was trying to keep her composure - and doing a better job of it than anyone else Jim could imagine. Aside from himself, of course.
Nyota had always been the strong one between the two of them, and she handled the unexpected very well. Her ability to take life’s obstacles and surprises in stride - and look amazing while doing so - had always been something Jim admired.
Jim took what life threw at him, but then he gagged it and buried it alive in an unmarked grave. Nyota broke apart her difficulties into manageable pieces and puzzled them back together to suit her needs. Sometimes she even helped Jim do the same - if he let her. Jim wasn’t exactly known for accepting help or advice. Not when he was right so very, very often.
“Well I’ve worked up one hell of an app-” Jim caught Spock’s pointed glare, which was about an equal calibre of terrifying as Nyota’s. “-reciation for well-made food, and I don’t want it to go to waste.”
Nyota didn’t even sigh in frustration, which was a bad sign. She sat ramrod straight in her seat and folded her arms across her chest. Spock had taken a chair across the table, and regarded her with what might have been a similar expression to that time Jim had held a shotgun to his face.
Apparently Jim wasn’t the only one trying to calculate the best tactical retreat.
He turned his back to them and busied himself with removing the rolls from the oven. Christ, he wanted a shower. There was butter in all of the wrong places and there was zero sexy things about that. And Spock really needed to wash his hands - or at least not touch anyone in any way. That was probably easy, considering Spock. Honestly, as amazing as gay sex was, it was so goddamn mess-
“You’re going to answer all of questions without any fanfare,” Nyota said from the table, her voice like steel. “If you lie to me, I will know. I read body language for a living.”
“Pike shoulda hired her,” Jim said under his breath.
Nyota barrelled on with, “Who are you really and what are you doing here?” And it wasn’t that Jim was scared to turn around, per se - it was just that he also needed to rush, uh, to the bathroom and shower before he could look his best friend in the eyes again.
Jim escaped the room to the sound of Spock’s equally uncompromising tone saying, “Let it be known that should you betray this trust, I can and will wipe your memory.”
Jim snorted at the corny line just as Nyota burst into an incredulous laugh. Yeah, that was why they were friends. No matter how serious Nyota pretended to be, she still appreciated the ridiculous things in life.
Hurrying up the stairs, Jim stripped off and jumped in the shower before the water had even heated.
Christ, Jim hadn’t even considered swearing Nyota to secrecy. It hadn’t crossed his mind to see her as anything other than trustworthy. Sure, a kind of sickening terror had gripped Jim upon his initial realisation that the jig was up, but he hadn’t liked lying to his best friend. Jim felt kind of slimy doing it and now - should Spock deem her worthy - Jim would at least have someone whom with he could speak candidly.
Or Jim could walk into the kitchen to find Nyota’s memories completely blitzed.
Jim swallowed down a knot of panic and bolted out of the bathroom like the Flash, only with less spandex. Not that he wouldn’t look good in spandex, by the way. But he yanked on a pair of ripped jeans without considering underwear, and clattered down the stairs as he tugged on an awful t-shirt with a painted wolf on it that Gaila had bought at Wisconsin Dells as a joke.
Nyota’s voice carried clear and concise as a Vulcan’s before Jim even got to the kitchen.
“Let’s pretend for a moment that I believe you so far. That you’re an... extraterrestrial.”
The fact that Nyota could say that with a straight face when she was clearly incredulous made Jim smile as he padded into the room. Of course, both Spock and Nyota flashed mirror looks of disapproval when they noted Jim’s pleased expression.
God, he was friends with such Debbie Downers. Too bad he liked them so damn much.
Nyota laced her fingers atop the table and leaned in, her eyes sharp.
“If I were to believe that and the story of how you crashed here -”
“There’s a big-ass scorch mark in my field if you wanna -”
“Kirk.”
Jim smiled shamelessly. It was so nice to have friends all together like this.
Nyota’s lips quirked, but her mouth flattened the minute she looked back to the expressionless Spock. “As I was saying - what’s your purpose here?”
“Ha!” Jim approached the kitchen table, spun a chair around and straddled it. “Good luck with that one. I’ve been tryin’ to pry it outta him for weeks now.”
Jim blinked at the twin withering stares. “What?”
“Kirk, can I speak to you alone for a moment?”
Jim hated that he actually looked to Spock before answering. It wasn’t like he needed permission or anything, but he’d looked all the same. Looked at Spock like he couldn’t stop.
Dammit Jim, get a grip.
Jim considered telling Nyota that it probably didn’t matter where they went in the house, that Spock would be able to hear them if he wanted. But that wouldn’t be much help - and as far as Jim knew Spock wasn’t the type to eavesdrop, so Jim kept his mouth shut for once.
Instead he nodded with his best solemn expression and led the way to his office.
As he stepped inside and looked over the clutter that was gathering a layer of dust from disuse, Jim remembered Spock’s words from weeks and weeks ago.
Yes, I carry the knowledge to solve your conundrum.
Are you not interested in hearing my solution to your problem?
Spock had the answers Jim searched for. He had the solution to making the world a better place - a cleaner, more efficient planet. He hadn’t necessarily made a direct offer of information, but the idea had been planted in Jim’s thoughts nonetheless.
If Jim asked, it was possible...
No, Jim was better than that. He might not have a load of fancy degrees to prove it, but Jim had never been one for proving shit to anyone other than himself. He had his intelligence, his obnoxious tenacity and a frighteningly innovative Scotsman on his side. Jim didn’t need help when he could manage on his own. He’d been independent for a long time now, and he wouldn’t have it any other way.
He was pretty badass like that.
Thing was, since Spock had arrived Jim’s work had taken a backseat. A new passion had taken up the time of his old one, and that kind of irked him. Jim probably had hundreds of emails by now, and Scotty likely thought him dead in an explosion with some shrapnel lodged in his face.
Jim knew he needed to get back to the office again. Needed it in order to stay sane and centred rather than for any intellectual purpose. But Spock was... he was leaving soon, and so Jim could wait a little longer. He’d need something to keep him busy later, anyway.
Mentally shaking himself from the emo mood, Jim refocused his attention on Nyota as she shut the door behind them.
“So okay, this has probably been a lot to take in, but -”
“Is this some kind of joke, Kirk?” Nyota’s mouth thinned as she crossed her arms over her chest. “Just tell me that first. I know you’ve dedicated yourself to some lengthy pranks in your time -”
“Hey,” Jim snapped, his muscles tensing for a fight. God, he was raring for one. “You think this is a joke? He’s green, Nyota. You saw his ears - he’s a fuckin’ elf! You really think that I’d make that shit up - that I’m not taking this seriously?”
“You don’t take anything seriously, Kirk.”
Jim inclined his chin and stared her down. She stared back evenly.
Nyota sighed. “Okay, fine. That was uncalled for. I know you take a lot more to heart than you ever let on, but -” She motioned expressively towards the door, and it was a wonder she didn’t just z-snap right then and there. “Him? Out of everyone you could have screwed around with, you chose a supposed alien? I mean, what were you thinking?”
“I wasn’t, I -”
“That tends to be a common trend with you.”
Jim was developing a twitch in his jaw. “You don’t think I’m lost in this fucking Labyrinth of Space Insanity too? I’ve been launched into a sci-fi movie, and it is so not as awesome as I expected.”
“Well you’re screwing another life form, so you don’t seem too broken up about it.”
“You have no idea what I - nevermind.” Jim fumed and threw his hands up in a futile gesture. He didn’t need to explain himself to anyone, and he wasn’t going to. It wasn’t like she’d get it anyway, not when Jim hardly understood it all himself. “Look -”
“No, you look. You’re not going all boss-man on me, Kirk. Everyone else lets you get away with that, but not me.”
Jim went stubbornly silent. It was a very rare occurrence - like seeing snow leopards mate in the wild or something - but it did happen on occasion. Mostly with Nyota, because she was scary.
Just like that, Nyota’s shoulders slumped and her gaze softened.
“I’m concerned. Let me be concerned. This? This is a mess the likes of which I’ve never seen from you before, and that’s saying something. But if... if Spock is what he says he is, and I choose to believe that until further evidence arises, then I want to be here for you. I’m - I’m not sure what I can do, but I can’t stay quiet on this, and I’m not going to let you deal on your own.” Nyota smiled tentatively. “Whenever you handle problems alone, explosions and nudity tend to ensue.”
Jim grinned, alleviation lightening his bones. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
Nyota rolled her eyes, but her smile remained. She approached him and loosely linked her arms around his waist, and settled her forehead upon his shoulder. “I’m worried about you, Kirk. This... this isn’t normal. Even for you. This isn’t something that you should have to deal with. I don’t even know how you managed to keep this a secret for so long.”
Jim hummed under his breath and nuzzled his cheek against her long, soft hair. He firmly returned the lingering hug, allowing them to sway for a moment as he remembered that, yeah, he could do shit on his own - but it was nice when someone had your back. Jim forgot that a lot.
He shifted and angled his chin towards Nyota as he murmured against the comfort of hair. “I’m scared this is all gonna fall apart, ‘Yota. I feel like I’m playing Jenga while drunk.” That was the only verbalised admission of doubt he’d ever give himself.
Nyota was quiet for a long while before she said, “I think it will.”
Jim hated knowing she was probably right.
“Since we’re going the whole boyfriend talk - what’s the deal with you and my other best friend? Do I hear wedding bells in the distance? Or is that the sound of Bones screaming and running away when he finds the collection of pristine, dead-eyed Barbies in your closet?”
Nyota pulled away with a perplexed smile. “You think Spock is your boyfriend?”
Jim’s eyes popped wide as his heart began to thump in his ears like a klaxon on red alert.
“Uh -”
“Aside from that being completely messed up on several levels, does he know?”
“Know what? That I’m fucked up on several levels? Yeah, I think he probably gathered that around the first day when I welcomed an alien into my house.”
Jim needed to make a very hasty and tactical retreat like five minutes ago.
Nyota was apparently not to be deterred, though, and her stupid smile was spreading. “Does he know that you think he’s your boyfriend? I know you’re kind of relationship deaf, dumb, and blind, but that kind of thing is usually a two-way street.”
Oh, Nyota was amused as all fuck by this. She laughed and placed her palms on Jim’s burning cheeks. “Speechless and blushing? Why, if I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re in -”
“Stop,” Jim choked out.
Nyota paused and blinked, her eyes abruptly going misty.
“Oh,” she whispered. “Oh you absolute idiot,” she said as she pulled Jim in close and clung to him.
Jim scowled past her head at the far wall, but he couldn’t deny that something in his chest loosened, just a little.
Nyota said against his neck, “For someone who acts so uncomplicated, you really do have a propensity for chaos.”
Jim had to laugh, because if he didn’t he’d probably go insane and start wearing shoes on his head or something. Although that would be an interesting way to keep people at arm’s length so that he didn’t, you know, fall in stupid ridiculous craptastic love with them.
Once he managed to stop Nyota from clutching at him like a baby koala, Jim jerked his head toward the door and Nyota followed in silent agreement.
Jim had to break into a smile when he entered the kitchen. Cinnamon rolls dripping with glistening white frosting sat on the counter, the dishes were washed, and Spock was sitting at the table, straight as a plank with a bit of strain around the eyes. Gumby’s head was resting on Spock’s thigh as he was mechanically scratched behind the ears.
The poor guy was nervous - and Jim totally got some perverse pleasure out of the knowledge.
Then again, he also kind of wanted to scoop Spock in his arms and cuddle him like a panda or a puppy or something. And now Jim was thankful that he was out of mind-reading reach lest Spock realise how legitimately crazy Jim actually was.
Also - a panda? Really?
Jim knew what brand of crazy this was - he’d read about it in New Scientist magazine this one time. Jim was just high on oxytocin, the body’s own love potion. It was making him think all kinds of crazily inappropriate things now that he’d seen Spock naked.
Or maybe that was just him being a guy. He wasn’t sure. Sometimes what was normal for him was highly unusual for others.
Jim cleared his throat as he wiped his mind of naked Vulcans and pandas.
“So, I think it’s safe to say you won’t have to mind-molest my best friend today.”
Spock blinked, his shoulders shifting in the slightest show of relief.
Nyota laughed softly and swept past him, “I’m not going to ask what that means right now. I think I know more than I ever wanted to at this point.” She aimed a pointed look at Spock as she sat beside him. “But don’t think I’ve let this drop. You and Kirk? That’s sticky business - and Jim don’t you dare make a sick joke while I’m in the middle of a serious discussion.”
Jim held his hands up with an exaggerated expression of innocence. “Would I ever?”
Nyota ignored him, as very few people could. She cocked her head at Spock in an almost Vulcan expression. “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”
Jim’s smile faded as Spock abruptly stiffened, his expression going statue-still.
“You are not in any position to make such an inaccurate conclusion.”
“And you’re screwing Jim why?” Nyota replied in quick-fire.
Jim would have choked on his own saliva had his mouth not gone completely dry. He actually wanted to know the answer to this one.
Spock’s eyes flashed to Jim and then fixed on Nyota. “The subject of our relationship is not your concern.”
“He’s my friend,” Nyota shot back. “As much as I hate to say this while he’s actually in the room, he’s like a brother to me. So you mess with him then you mess with me. Is that clear?”
Spock’s unblinking gaze narrowed. “He is my friend as well. So under that line of logic, may I question you?”
Jim very definitely squeaked with glee.
Both Spock and Nyota shifted to stare at him with equal looks of bemusement. God, if only they saw how similar they were. Of course Jim would never actually say that because he enjoyed keeping his balls.
Jim cleared his throat. “Um. Keep goin’ at it guys. I feel like we have a lot of unresolved sexual tension in the room, and this could turn into a threes-”
“Jim.”
“Kirk.”
“All right, all right, jeez! How about we just drop this for a while and like, take a break - eat? Eating would be good.”
Why Jim was diverting the conversation away from the one answer he wanted from Spock, he didn’t know. Maybe he was a sick, masochistic bastard. Maybe he just didn’t want to be disappointed.
Or maybe he was just fucking hungry. Mind-blowing sex could do that to a person - and Jim couldn’t even remember the last time he had five star sex. Not that he rated it or anything.
Nyota shook her head and scraped her chair back as she stood. “No thanks, Kirk. I think… ” she trailed off, her eyes flicking from Jim to Spock and back. “I think I need some time to process this. I’m sure it wasn’t difficult for you to grasp, but most people tend to live in reality, and so this is a bit harder to swallow for me.”
Jim’s lips quirked as he slung his arm over Nyota’s thin shoulders and ushered her towards the front door. “Understandable. Not everyone can be as awesome as me.”
Nyota just heaved a sigh and tried not to look amused. Though, when they reached the foyer her expression sobered.
She leaned in, her voice hushed. “Be careful. Don’t forget what Spock is.”
Jim’s frowned sharply, his hackles rising. “What -”
“I don’t mean he’s a bad... creature. Person. Whatever. Just don’t forget that he’s not human and he did not come here for the sole purpose of playing house with you. Jim.”
Nyota’s eyes were imploring, her tone urgent and sincere. “I like Spock - I liked him from the first time I met him. But the situation wasn’t what I’d previously assumed. For once it’s imperative that you stay grounded in this. Because I’m going to take a wild guess and say that Spock knows about a million other things that he’s not telling you.”
“All of that isn’t really my business,” Jim said, refusing to shuffle his feet. “It’s not like I own him or anything.”
Nyota cocked her head, a soft smile playing on her lips. “You are so far gone.”
Before Jim could ask how the hell she knew something like that, Nyota pressed a dry kiss to his cheek and let herself out with a half wave. The door was shut in his face, and a cold draft seeped into his skin before Jim could even react.
Jim shivered and rubbed his hands roughly over his forearms. Well, this was all kinds of epically fucked up. But what was done was done, and Jim no longer had any control over what was going on. Not that he ever had much in the first place, but up until a couple of hours ago Jim had felt kind of special in carrying an important secret that no one else had known about. Sure, Nyota tended to be a part of his circle of trust, but this - This Thing with Spock had given Jim direction.
Or perhaps he was simply growing more lost by the day. He certainly felt that way every time he really looked at Spock. Both lost and at home at the same time. Both gravitated towards him and thrown off balance.
God, Jim was an awkward motherfucker.
He turned to head back into the kitchen and abruptly bumped into Spock’s chest. Firm, warm hands slid up to grip his elbows, but released him immediately. Jim peered up with a quizzical smile, the sudden silence between them pounding in his ears like a heartbeat.
Spock met his gaze, his own expression stoic and serene as it ever was - but for the eyes. They were skipping over Jim’s every feature, touching him everywhere that Spock’s hands were not. He looked like he badly wanted to say something, but didn’t know where to start.
It used to be that Spock didn’t look like he wanted to talk at all. Then as he became more comfortable around Jim he began to speak in an offhand manner that was so completely Spock.
And then there were times when it was clear Spock wanted to express something more imperative than the idle comment. It was then that he carried this expression - complete stillness and begging eyes. He probably didn’t even know he was doing it.
Jim grinned and lightly punched Spock’s shoulder. “So we’re friends, huh? Like, in the Sam and Frodo way, or...?”
That little comma-shaped wrinkle dented the space between Spock’s eyebrows. “In as much as I can be anyone’s friend.”
“Jesus, could you sound any more foreboding?”
“From what you have insinuated on previous occasions, yes.”
Jim leaned in and kissed Spock.
Mostly because the urge had struck Jim so suddenly, that he’d been unable to do anything other than exactly what he wanted.
There were no hands or limbs or even tongue involved. Jim simply closed his eyes and captured that frowning mouth with his own. Lingered at the sweet swell of that Cupid’s bow lip, and quietly breathed in the cinnamon scent of Spock.
A sigh passed between their lips, a shared release of mounting tension as they parted easily.
Jim stared up at Spock, feeling rawer and more exposed than any wild fuck on the kitchen floor could ever accomplish. His body was one giant pulse, his mouth gone dry as Jim fought to keep the uncharacteristic nerves from shining in his eyes.
He never kissed anyone like that. Not since he was like ten and innocent, anyway. This wasn’t... nothing about this was normal. Whatever the hell normal meant these days, anyway. Han Solo could show up on his doorstep at this point and Jim would be less than impressed.
“Sorry,” Jim whispered.
For the first time since they’d crashed into each other’s lives, Jim actually meant it.
“As am I,” Spock said after a time.
Jim shook off his mood and laughed.
“Okay man, now you’re getting legit creepy. Let’s eat - I’m fucking starved.”
“When is it that you are not on the brink of apparent starvation?” Spock asked as they meandered towards the kitchen.
“I think I actually have a tapeworm. We should Google it.”
“You do not have a tapeworm, Jim.”
“You don’t know. If I did then you could call me Tapeworm Jim. Like Earthworm Jim, that old cart - nevermind.”
“Get in the kitchen, Jim.”
“I’m going, I’m going!”
Chapter Eleven