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[lalapunk182]

Lately ive been feeling like a really bad person. I feel like a mooch. I know that my friends care about me and that if i need something i know they would do it for me if they have the ability to and i hope they all know that if i had the ability to buy them things and lend them money, that i would. I am very fortunate and my parents try their hardest to let me do as much as i can and i feel really shitty when i treat them bad and then i ask them for something and 9 times out of 10 i still get what i want. I just wish i knew how it felt to always have money to fall back on and not have to worry about my parents and what they could have used with those 10 dollars i absolutly needed to go to dinner with a friend. I just feel like im not in the same league as some of my friends and i just cant keep up when they want to do all these things and i just cant do it. I wish i could just ask for money and get it without having to plan out what we need before that. And i wish christmas this year could be better. I cant even buy my own family gifts, how in the world do i expect to buy gifts for my friends. i really need a job and i know im not really trying as hard as i could but atleast i have tried a little. Im going to go on a hunt this weekend and if i dont get a job i dont know what i will do. I dont even know the point of these ramblings but i guess its just me feeling bad for myself.

once again jealousy is stronger than me

<3
messuh