about last night
it's about 1:00 am last night and i'm thinking about what mw415 said about ym goal of not talking about the R for two weeks was lofty cause in 24 hours from the last disasterous "talk" i wanted to call him again. so iuse the restroom before i get into bed and there's blood.
this is not very reassuring when you are pregnant. so imeediately i page my midwife and start calling H. since its late and he's not answering i figure he's asleep and i just keep hitting redial to wake him cause i am planning on going tot he emergency room. after the 10th call he answers grumpily and snarls "i'm turning my phone off now!"
i call again and leave two messages telling him whats going on and adding that when he is a parent he needs to answer the phone and make sure his kids are not in danger, and if its just me obsessing on the relationship THEN he can hang up. so all night i'm up watching out for contractions and any change in the blood. a lot fo woman have spotting (occasional signs of some blood) in pregnancy and it doens't mean anything. having a few contractions about this time is not so strange either. together in certain patterns or time frames can be a signal of pre-term labor which can be brought on by STRESS and at this point it is very unlikely that the baby would survive if it was born so early.
so i'm stressed and very scared and now really p*ssed off that he just did that to me. my friend ben comes over and stays with me all night and neither of us sleep and finally it seems safe to say that i am fine. my midwife did say though that on my exam on thursday they will check my urerus for cysts and that having cysts can be no big deal at all or it can complicate the pregnancy. i didn't think to ask her what THAT meant but now i can'y stop thinking about it.
so H goes to work at 8 and he's staying with a friend in the enxt town which means it will take at least 20 minutes to get to his job on time.
so i call at7:15, 7:30 and 7:50. i don't know if he hasn't heard the messages, deleted them thinking they were begging and didn't listen at all or heard and doesn't care.
so again he doesn't answer. about an hour later he calls wanting to know if i am ok.
without yelling i say i am not ok because i am scared and exhausted and upset with him, but that i am ok as in nothing is wrong with the baby.
his answer for last night:
i didn't know it was you calling
i didn't even look to see who was calling
i am really sick
i just answered and hung up
i am not trying to avoid you
i didn't hear your messages until now
i got up late
i didn't get your calls this morning
this is the first time that i've had to check my messages and i called right away
i think he's lying. he's never been a deceitful perosn but i think there's too much weirdness here.
like who gets ten calls in a row at 1 am and doesn't think "gee i wonder if something is wrong?"
who answers a phone with caller id at anytime, especially at 1 am witohut looking to see who the crazy person calling is?
and even if he was late at some point this morning between 7 and 8 he was in his car with his cell phone. i see him with his cell phone. everytime it rings the first thign he does is look whose calling.
so before he caleld i was throwing his clothes in boxes, took off my wedding ring and was ready to say its over.
if he is so selfish that he's completely wrapped up in himself and what my calling him at 1 am on a monday could mean to HIM and not thinking of his kids or even mother or brother, then (possibly) lie about it then that is just too much selfishness and disrespect for me to forgive.
but what if he is telling the truth? i am not really ready to stop thinking we have a future. if i handle this with calmness will he see that i am trying to change? if i give him his clothes in boxes and ask for the key back will it make him miss me and get scared? is that the same as acting as if? i don't want to play games but i don't want to be walked on either. i just don't know what to believe.
HELP!
this is not very reassuring when you are pregnant. so imeediately i page my midwife and start calling H. since its late and he's not answering i figure he's asleep and i just keep hitting redial to wake him cause i am planning on going tot he emergency room. after the 10th call he answers grumpily and snarls "i'm turning my phone off now!"
i call again and leave two messages telling him whats going on and adding that when he is a parent he needs to answer the phone and make sure his kids are not in danger, and if its just me obsessing on the relationship THEN he can hang up. so all night i'm up watching out for contractions and any change in the blood. a lot fo woman have spotting (occasional signs of some blood) in pregnancy and it doens't mean anything. having a few contractions about this time is not so strange either. together in certain patterns or time frames can be a signal of pre-term labor which can be brought on by STRESS and at this point it is very unlikely that the baby would survive if it was born so early.
so i'm stressed and very scared and now really p*ssed off that he just did that to me. my friend ben comes over and stays with me all night and neither of us sleep and finally it seems safe to say that i am fine. my midwife did say though that on my exam on thursday they will check my urerus for cysts and that having cysts can be no big deal at all or it can complicate the pregnancy. i didn't think to ask her what THAT meant but now i can'y stop thinking about it.
so H goes to work at 8 and he's staying with a friend in the enxt town which means it will take at least 20 minutes to get to his job on time.
so i call at7:15, 7:30 and 7:50. i don't know if he hasn't heard the messages, deleted them thinking they were begging and didn't listen at all or heard and doesn't care.
so again he doesn't answer. about an hour later he calls wanting to know if i am ok.
without yelling i say i am not ok because i am scared and exhausted and upset with him, but that i am ok as in nothing is wrong with the baby.
his answer for last night:
i didn't know it was you calling
i didn't even look to see who was calling
i am really sick
i just answered and hung up
i am not trying to avoid you
i didn't hear your messages until now
i got up late
i didn't get your calls this morning
this is the first time that i've had to check my messages and i called right away
i think he's lying. he's never been a deceitful perosn but i think there's too much weirdness here.
like who gets ten calls in a row at 1 am and doesn't think "gee i wonder if something is wrong?"
who answers a phone with caller id at anytime, especially at 1 am witohut looking to see who the crazy person calling is?
and even if he was late at some point this morning between 7 and 8 he was in his car with his cell phone. i see him with his cell phone. everytime it rings the first thign he does is look whose calling.
so before he caleld i was throwing his clothes in boxes, took off my wedding ring and was ready to say its over.
if he is so selfish that he's completely wrapped up in himself and what my calling him at 1 am on a monday could mean to HIM and not thinking of his kids or even mother or brother, then (possibly) lie about it then that is just too much selfishness and disrespect for me to forgive.
but what if he is telling the truth? i am not really ready to stop thinking we have a future. if i handle this with calmness will he see that i am trying to change? if i give him his clothes in boxes and ask for the key back will it make him miss me and get scared? is that the same as acting as if? i don't want to play games but i don't want to be walked on either. i just don't know what to believe.
HELP!