In the groups I facilitated for my internship, we talked about the difference between "can't" and "won't."
Can't should mean I cannot, but the subtext is "I can't right now." The "right now" part of it seems to be taken by most people not as a door in the face (!), but as a door left ajar. Because if you "can't" right now, maybe you "can" later.
Won't on the other hand means "I won't ever." I will not ever get together with you, strange dog park man.
The whole point is this guy is a douchebag who saw something he liked and was way confused when he couldn't get it. That's not your fault. But it's especially not fair the way he put your relationship on the spot. No should mean no, but some people are idiots. (Generally the biggest idiots are guys - no offense guys; I mean, we all know: boys are dumb, girls are crazy.)
Next time, you could try: "Thank you, I am flattered. But I am not interested." And if he persists, toss in a good I-Statement like, "I feel uncomfortable by you asking me out, and I'm going to ask you to stop."
Who doesn't love a good I-Statement? Honest, direct: gets 'em every time. Unless they really are crazy. In which case, call the police.
Can't should mean I cannot, but the subtext is "I can't right now." The "right now" part of it seems to be taken by most people not as a door in the face (!), but as a door left ajar. Because if you "can't" right now, maybe you "can" later.
Won't on the other hand means "I won't ever." I will not ever get together with you, strange dog park man.
The whole point is this guy is a douchebag who saw something he liked and was way confused when he couldn't get it. That's not your fault. But it's especially not fair the way he put your relationship on the spot. No should mean no, but some people are idiots. (Generally the biggest idiots are guys - no offense guys; I mean, we all know: boys are dumb, girls are crazy.)
Next time, you could try: "Thank you, I am flattered. But I am not interested." And if he persists, toss in a good I-Statement like, "I feel uncomfortable by you asking me out, and I'm going to ask you to stop."
Who doesn't love a good I-Statement? Honest, direct: gets 'em every time. Unless they really are crazy. In which case, call the police.
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