Again I go unnoticed..

[lalalalisa87]

Steph today talked about being over shadowed by certain friends. The feeling of never being as good, as pretty, as funny....never measuring up. And i feel her. Boy do i. Its like my life in a nut shell. And i don't know if i could complain about that enough, or cry about it enough to make the enevitable hurt go away. Because thats what childhood is. Pain. I don't think you realize until after its all over the shit we all went through. And i don't care how good or bad of an upbringing it was, there was still shit. Parents give you shit, all the time. It still goes on, will go on for years and years to come. Then there are friends. You know the ones, they are perfect. Everyone loves them, because lets face it, they have awesome personalities. Thats why you wanted to be friends with them in the first place. And thats when the over shadowing starts. Then boys become important and forget that, the feelings of insignificance and unsatasfactory just mount. And all any of us can do is pray we come out of this hell called adolesence a little bit less awkward and screwed up then we started. Adulthood. What a thing to look forward to. Its all work and bills and debt and screaming kids and.... I'll try not to depress you. Of course there are the good things in life. Love, and new things, and friendships that are real. But is it all worth it? I don't even know. So that is our life, a big odyssey of sorts. We are born, we face challenges, we overcome them the best we can and then eventually we make it round full circle and die. Young, old, middle age...we all die. Wow, 12 30 at night must not sit right with my psyche. I get majorly depressed. Or maybe its the silence, allows too much thought. Thinking is a dangerous thing, don't kid yourself. Never think too much, it leads to depressed rantings and school shootings. the kids that get too much time to think are the ones that see how shitty it all is and they are the ones who bring guns to school and say I bet your sorry you left me alone now. Just a little theory of mine. I'm not going to shoot up the school, no worries. I have too much regard for lives, like my own. Because its worth living, hard living, just to get that first kiss. Or be drunk for that first time. Or graduate. First times. Thats why we should all live. I like first times. Not always good experiences, but always laughable or memorable at the least.
So here's to firsts-- maybe even first time really being noticed...Damn it'd be nice.