Always Good Enough, part 2 of 3.
Title: Always Good Enough. (2/3)
Author: Lalaith86 (Sila)
Rating: R
Pairing: RVD/Sabu
Summary: Having been left behind once again, Rob wonders if trying to find Sabu will help at all. Not being able to help himself, he follows once more and finds himself in a foreign country. Will things be different this time?
Feedback: Please, please, please! :D
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nothing, nada! That should about cover it.
Author’s Note: This is the sequel to part one of Always Good Enough. Click the link to read that first. Also, thank you raisingkane for beta-ing for me! You are awesome! ^^
~
It had taken Rob two days to muster the courage to do what he knew he had to. Visit Raven. That in itself wasn’t something he did often, the endless pushing and prodding enough to annoy even him, but if anyone knew what to do now, then it’d be Scotty. There’d be unnecessary advice, and sentences Rob didn’t quite understand, but perhaps it would help.
So, here he was, waiting impatiently for the man to get off his fat ass - Sandman agreed Raven had gotten surprisingly big over the years - and open the door. Knowing Scotty, he was contemplating the best ways to scare his latest visitor shitless.
Raven didn’t seem surprised to see Rob, and he stood in the door-opening with a knowing look on his face. A sigh, then a wave, and Rob followed him inside. Not caring for his friend’s house, he’d seen it once or twice before, he didn’t waste time looking at anything. He knew he’d find all sorts of strange stuff - and comics, something Rob would normally enjoy - but right now that wasn’t what he was here for. Looking at the frown on Raven’s face, he too seemed to know this wasn’t a social call.
Even though Rob didn’t want to, he allowed Raven to show him around again, though he saw nothing. Eventually they returned to the sitting room, where Rob declined another offer - this time of a drink - and shook his head as Raven offered him a seat as well. His friend was stalling, it was clear. Raven had never had those kind of manners.
The taller of the two brushed a hand through his hair, looking at Rob with worried eyes. That wasn’t very comforting, whenever Raven was unsure about something, or worried, things usually went badly for those involved. Scott was too smart to get things wrong like that.
Looking at him, the way he just kept delaying the inevitable, made Rob feel rather murderous. Who had given him the right to interfere anyway, and why had he? Rob had been doing fine until Raven decided Sabu needed to give him closure. Fuck closure, he still didn’t have it, and he was quite sure it wouldn’t have been worth it anyway.
And where was Sabu in all this? Here Rob was, struggling, trying, and Sabu was probably off somewhere doing stupid things, not at all concerned with what had happened between them that night. Rob wasn’t sure why, but he felt angry at the thought.
Raven just kept staring at him, this worried yet thoughtful stare causing Rob to want to wipe the frown off the guy’s face. His meddling had caused this.
“I take it something went wrong? I doubt you’re here to thank me.”
It was the casual tone to Raven’s voice that made Rob snap, the urge to hit his friend so overwhelming that he couldn’t help himself. He took a swing for his head, grazing it with his knuckles as Raven backed away quickly. For someone that big his reflexes were surprisingly quick, no doubt due to all the years spent wrestling. Or, perhaps, Rob had missed intentionally because he didn’t really want to hurt his friend. There was a definite conflict of interest there.
Still, there was this itch to take things out on him, the relaxed attitude Rob prided himself on momentarily forgotten for the sake of venting his anger.
“You don’t want to hit me.”
The mere sound of Raven’s voice caused Rob to lash out again, this time hitting him square in the chest with a rather lousy punch.
“Oh no, that’s exactly what I want.”
He aimed for the man’s face, but Raven grabbed his wrist. Rob knew there were various ways - most of which he was capable of doing - to get out of this, probably accompanied by an uncomfortable snapping sound, but something stopped him. What was he doing? This wasn’t him, and Raven - no matter what the bastard had done - didn’t deserve it.
“You want to hit Sabu, not me.”
Rob was breathing harshly, something that surprised him. It scared him, to see how worked up he’d gotten after a few punches, after a few words. Raven was right, though, and Rob stared at the ground dejectedly. Only one meeting, and the man had already managed to make him lose control again. How the fuck did Sabu always manage to do that? It wasn’t fair.
“Rob, sit down.”
Rubbing his forehead, feeling frustrated with his inability to deal with this, Rob did what Raven suggested. He’d calmed down a bit, though remaining seated on the couch was still difficult. He wanted to pace, do something except wait for Raven to get to the point. Perhaps this out of character behaviour scared his friend, who knew, but then Raven had seen a lot of shit in his life. Some emotional venting wouldn’t be the worst.
“What happened?”
It was the compassionate and concerned tone that did it, a sigh leaving Rob’s body as he buried his face in his hands. Raven wasn’t his best friend by a long shot, but somehow they’d always felt comfortable around each other. Someone to talk to, someone who wasn’t as involved. Someone who had seen adversity all too often, but had overcome it. That was what Rob wanted to do now, overcome this, yet at the same time he didn’t. There was a question burning on his lips, but he dared not ask. Not yet.
“He fucking left!” Rob scowled at his own bitterness, but continued anyway. “I fell asleep, and the next morning he was gone. He’d taken the car and left!”
Raven shook his head. “God, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect it to happen like that.”
“Well, what did you expect? You’re the smart person, right? You should have known!” Rob all but snarled, the guilty expression on Raven’s face not helping.
“I’m not sure what I thought would happen. You’d make up and live happily ever after, or you’d break it off completely and find some peace with it, I don’t know. Never this.”
“Things never work the way they’re supposed to with us, Scotty,” Rob muttered, knowing full well how right he was. Nothing in their life could ever have been called normal. Not because they were wrestlers, though that didn’t help, but because of who they were. It had started out hesitantly, Sabu holding off for far too long, and only Rob’s stubborn prodding had ever been able to persuade him. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go, someone shouldn’t be tempted into a relationship. They should want to, and though Rob had always felt he knew, not everyone would understand.
“Goddamnit, Scott!”
Flashes, memories, of heated eyes, of hands pulling at his hair, of frantic kisses when no one was looking, they reminded Rob that Sabu had definitely wanted what they’d shared, if he just looked closely enough.
“I’m sorry.”
Rob paused, the anger he’d felt at his friend dissipating at the defeat and guilt in the man’s tone. It would be the easiest approach, taking his anger out on Raven, but also the most cowardly one. It wouldn’t be fair. Suddenly he felt extremely guilty at having lost his temper. He was acting like a child.
“Do you know where he is?” he asked quietly, hating the way he was still hoping for some kind of information. Something to guide him, tell him where to go, what to do.
“Rob, you shouldn’t -“
“Please…”
He knew he sounded desperate, something he’d been recognizing in himself quite a bit lately. Still, Rob had the hope that it would all be worth it in the end. He wasn’t sure if what he’d get would be enough, but he needed to give it a try. Even if Sabu wanted nothing to do with him, then that would - should - be all. A reason not to press further, to give up and continue with his life. And if he did... Well, Rob didn’t dare think of that yet.
Raven was looking worried, and Rob could almost hear the wheels turning. With all the man’s intelligence, he’d also been a bit of a pessimist, so Rob could only imagine what ill-fated events that brilliant mind was coming up with. Eventually Raven nodded, having made his decision.
“Alright. Tommy will kill me, but I’ll tell you where he is.”
Rob smiled, thankful that he had friends like this to fall back on. Even if he did want to break their arms and legs now and then. Still, he could follow Sabu around again. Like he’d done for so very long.
~
Watching glumly as the unfamiliar contours of cities and villages passed by below, Rob tried to relax in his seat. Airplane flights had long since lost their fascination, and even though he had to smile at the excited cries of a child in front of him, he desperately wished he could fall asleep and simply let the next couple of hours go by.
Having left Raven and ignored his friend's failed attempts to make him see reason, - when had Rob ever managed that? - he'd booked himself the earliest flight he could find. Which meant he'd been up and about at 5 o'clock in the morning, but that couldn't be helped.
Travelling to Germany wasn't new, though it had never been this important. Shows remained shows, no matter where they were, but this was different. Even if he'd probably end up at a wrestling show. What else would Sabu be doing in a foreign country? Besides running away, that is.
Next to him a woman, roughly his age, snapped her book shut - no doubt annoyed with the insisting 'oohs' and 'aahs' of the children in front of her. He couldn't blame her. Giving her a compassionate smile, he turned back to the window, leaning against it - even with the chill - and closing his eyes. Perhaps this time, sleep would come.
~
Tired - oh so very tired - from hours of travelling, Rob had contemplated staying at the hotel. His head had been pounding ever since he'd been roughly awakened by some turbulence, and the trip from the airport to the hotel and then to where he was now - all in a rather uncomfortable cab - had almost made him consider going to bed for a while.
But, the fear of not going through with it, or missing Sabu - who knew when this event ended and Sabu would be chasing after a new show to shine at - had made him decide against it. Better to get this over with.
He stared at the building he'd been dropped off at, the unmistakable presence of wrestling clear just by the faded pictures stuck on the door. It was a humble entrance, but those people that wanted to go in had no trouble whatsoever finding it.
Rob wondered for a second how he'd pay, the spare Euros he'd found in an old coat barely enough to pay for the hotel room, but he soon found out that people hadn't forgotten him just yet.
"I don't believe it. Rob Van Dam! It's been a while since I last saw you, man."
The man selling the tickets smiled broadly at him, and Rob grinned. It was good to know people remembered and still appreciated him, though he hoped not too many people would find out he was here. He didn't need everyone bothering him and giving Sabu the chance to run off again. Years ago he wouldn't have thought that possible, Sabu fleeing from anything, but it was the sad truth.
"Nice to meet you. I, ehm, I was looking for Sabu."
“Ah, of course. That makes sense. Follow me!”
After making sure one of his co-workers took over at the gate, the rather broad man pushed his way through the people, Rob in his wake. Occasionally Rob caught the flash of surprise on people’s faces, the unmistakable look of recognition, but overall he seemed to get by unnoticed. Hiding under the hoodie he had pulled over his head could do that.
Taking in the run down quality of the place, yet also the special sensation in the air - this was a wrestling show, after all - Rob followed patiently, the man luckily not interested in showing off his latest find.
Eventually they got to some shabby locker rooms in the back of the building, separated from the ring by a hallway and thick, black curtains. Rob looked at the ring for a moment, memories creeping up on him, but when the man stopped and pointed at a pale green door, he froze. His stomach twisted and turned, nerves suddenly hitting him. What had possessed him to come all the way to this place he didn’t know, just to chase after someone who obviously wasn’t interested? Raven was right, Rob must be stupid.
“He should be in there. Their main event just ended, really a shame you missed it.”
Rob scowled, knowing Sabu shouldn’t have been wrestling. The man didn’t notice though and continued proudly.
“There’s another show after this one, in about two hours, but I don’t think Sabu’s in it. Then again, you probably know his schedule better than I do. Man, having you two in the same building brings back memories of that old ECW you guys were in.”
He gave the man a weak smile, not even bothering to set him straight. That would only result in obnoxious questions, and that wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed a shower and a bed, though both seemed unlikely, and he needed to talk to Sabu. Perhaps tie him down, if needed. Pretty much like old times.
“You can probably just go in there, you know. I don’t think the boys would mind.”
He looked up, the thought of facing Sabu with several young wrestlers present a scary one. He wasn’t getting into that with an audience watching. An audience that would judge.
“No, that’s fine. I’ll wait till he’s ready. He gets cranky when I rush him.”
A chuckle, and a nod. “Yeah, he sounds like that kind of guy. Well, if you need anything, just ask. I’ll be heading back to the front now, can’t trust Daniel with anything. With our luck he’s let in half the football team.”
Giving Rob a heavy pat on the back, the man chuckled at his own joke and walked off, the hallway suddenly very empty. A stagehand snuck by, giving Rob a once-over before hurrying off, but besides that there was no one around. Rob wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing, or just unfortunate.
Probably the latter, Rob reasoned, because his mind was given entirely too much time to come up with possible reactions Sabu could have. From yelling, hitting him, throwing things at his head, and having him kicked out of the building, the possibilities were endless. There was that sneaky hope Sabu would somehow let Rob know he was happy to see him, but he wasn’t counting on it.
Feeling very stupid for just standing there - though no one was looking - Rob leaned against the wall, eyes firmly focused on the door. His head ached, and not for the first time he wished he’d stopped to get some aspirin first. Or whatever they called it here. Still, the man had said Sabu had finished, so that might have caused Rob to miss him. It seemed fate had something else in mind, making sure Rob got there on time.
The door opened and, startled, Rob pushed off the wall. Two young wrestlers walked out, both acting like they’d just been attacked by something, but neither noticed Rob. Something told him Sabu was the cause of that, but he couldn’t be sure until he did in fact see the familiar form of his lover, friend - Rob wasn’t sure what to call him now - pause in the door opening. He was busy scowling at their backs, and it gave Rob a second to take him in. His hair was wet, no doubt from the shower, and he’d thrown a jacket over his ring gear. Never one to stay around for very long, he looked about ready to leave for the hotel.
Then Sabu turned, dark eyes catching his, and Rob swallowed nervously.
They stared at each other, the scene eerily similar to the one that night at Rob’s place. It was obvious that Sabu was surprised, even his stoic expression not hiding the wonder in his eyes, the sight of Rob before him obviously an unexpected one. Rob kept quiet, the aching behind his eyes gone. The travelling had paid off, even if Rob suddenly didn't know what to do. He'd thought about it, had formed all sorts plans, but now that he was here, he felt lost. Words he didn't recognize, accents he couldn't place, they all rushed by as he stood there, another stagehand walking past, but not interjecting. Thank God for that.
A pamphlet to Sabu's right - it was hard to look at him directly - caused Rob to scowl again. In big, bold letters Sabu's name adorned the top. What lies had he told those whose job it was to tempt wrestlers their way? Knowing him, he'd said he was fine, the limp one of those minor injuries everyone knew Sabu always had. He was a convincing liar, after all, and years of being constantly injured had left people thinking Sabu couldn't be stopped. Guess they were right.
“Rob.”
There was a tremor there, he noted. One of those tell-tale signs, to Rob at least, that Sabu was somehow affected by what was going on. Then again, he better be.
Other wrestlers carefully pushed past Sabu, the way he was obstructing the door-opening apparently lost on the man, and Rob tried a weak smile as one of the men raised an eyebrow at him. It must have looked strange, them staring at each other, and if these were indeed wrestlers then they undoubtedly recognized the two. What they were thinking, Rob couldn't be sure, but it was probably better if they found somewhere else to talk.
"Come," he said, the way Sabu allowed Rob to pull him away another one of those signs that his surprise was enough to render him temporarily meek and willing.
They ended up in the car park, the lot pretty much empty except for several vans. Sabu muttered something about the ring crew, so Rob figured only backstage people parked here. It was for the best, he doubted either of them knew the building well enough to find a remote spot. It was rather cold, though, and Rob huddled in his jacket as he gave the area a once-over. It was small, pretty inconspicuous, and he doubted anyone could see through the thick bushes down the sides.
"What are you doing here?"
Why do you think I'm here? Rob wanted to ask, but chose instead to keep it light, for now, even if he didn't want to.
“Don’t tell me you’re surprised to see me. I always did act like a puppy running after its owner, you know,” he muttered, the cracked lighting above them casting deep shadows, occasionally broken by the light bulb’s vigilant tries to work as it was supposed to.
"Should you be wrestling?" Rob asked cautiously, hoping Sabu wouldn’t reply to his other comment. Knowing him it would have been some stupid quip about leashes and whatnot, and right now Rob didn't need the familiarity of them joking around.
"Aren't I always?"
Rob sighed. It wasn’t an answer, though he knew what Sabu meant. To him that was a big part of his existence; wrestling. It was what had made him, defined him, and nothing was as important as wrestling. Not even Rob.
“You shouldn’t be.”
He received a glare for that, one he had anticipated. The thought of not being able to wrestle was a tough one to swallow, especially for Sabu, and someone else telling him that was bound to cause friction.
“Who are you to decide that?” Sabu frowned at the mere idea.
“Just someone who cares.”
A snort, and Sabu turned away, though Rob could see Sabu’s hand steady himself on the wall. Seeing how pale he was, Rob was momentarily worried that he might pass out, causing him to check for any signs that Sabu had hurt his head. Wanting to reach out, push away the hair so he could check for cuts and bruises, he was surprised by the biting edge to Sabu’s voice.
"Stop that, Rob!"
"Stop what?"
Again Sabu wavered on the spot, and Rob felt his hands twitch. Nothing he had ever offered to do for Sabu had ended well, and most of the time he’d gotten snarled at for fussing. Not that that in itself wasn’t a turn on, but the ground - complete with sharp rocks and broken tiles - didn’t look at all inviting and Rob knew that would be where Sabu’d end up if he worked himself into a frenzy.
"Stop looking at me like that. Stop pitying me. I don’t want any of that."
“You’re confusing pity with concern again. You always did.”
There was silence between them, the screeching of tires nearby proving to be the soundtrack for yet another conversation in which Rob felt like not everything was being said. It needed to be, but Sabu’s nature, and Rob’s unwillingness to get hurt again, kept it from happening. Rob knew this, but wasn’t sure he could deal.
“Rob,” Sabu ground out, a frown on his face as he carefully shifted his weight off his bad leg. Standing still didn’t do him any good. “Why are you here?”
That question again. Usually such a simple, meaningless question, but suddenly so very important. Answering it was dangerous, but then most questions Sabu asked were dangerous. He always put so much meaning behind them.
“Well, I always did like Germany as a country, and -” Rob paused as he saw the look in Sabu’s eyes, that fleeting flash of disappointment, so striking. Disappointed with Rob for being a coward, perhaps, that he didn’t say what Sabu himself wanted to say so desperately.
“God, Sabu, you know why I’m here.”
“Do I?” Caution, a sliver of anger - why Sabu thought he had the right to be angry, Rob wasn’t sure - and it seemed Sabu was annoyed with himself. Rob wanted to ask questions, find out what was going on, but he was sure Sabu wouldn’t appreciate it, so he just answered.
“I’m here because of you. You go, I follow. Isn’t that how it usually goes?”
More uncomfortable movement, and Rob could almost see Sabu replay memories. It had often happened that Rob would follow his friend tirelessly, even after a fight, and it somehow felt right that he was doing it again. A resemblance of before, in a way.
“Yeah, you were always good at that. You never fucking listened, though.”
He had to smile at that, Sabu’s tone harsh to anyone but him. Somehow Rob had always managed to see past that, something which had started when Sabu had helped his uncle train him. Even back then they’d clashed, but in a competitive way, and they’d learned to trust each other, lean on the other for support. Undoubtedly, Rob figured, Sabu had never admitted that to anyone, but days spent stuck in some lousy rental put things in perspective. It was hard to stay cold and cruel to someone forever, and Rob had learned what to do to get what he wanted.
“Well, most of the time you didn’t make much sense.”
Sabu chuckled. “Cocksucker.”
It was a relief to Rob, to see his friend unwind. No one knew for sure with Sabu, but he was pretty positive he wouldn’t get hit in the face with something. He seemed to relax - which wasn’t always a good thing, but seemed to be now - and if he was using one of his favourite nicknames for Rob - Rob figured that was wishful thinking on Sabu’s part - then he was comfortable.
Watching his friend, he could see him shiver - the thin material of his ring gear not enough even with the added bonus of a jacket. Normally he’d be in a car right now, nice and warm - provided the rental had heating. Rob felt guilty for that, but hoped Sabu wouldn’t mind.
“I’d offer you my jacket, but I know what the answer would be.”
A patented snort, and Rob smiled again - he couldn’t help himself - though it faded at the weary sigh that left his former lover. Sabu rubbed his forehead, and not for the first time Rob noticed the way he was hanging against the wall, good hand rubbing his thigh. Was he in pain? Surely if he mentioned that, he’d get yelled at.
"You're tired," he whispered instead, wanting nothing more than to just hold the man up, but he knew pride - annoying as always - wouldn't let him. Whether it was his - not even wanting to think about the man he loved breaking down - or Sabu's, he wasn't sure.
A weary chuckle. "I always am. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does.” A pause. “We should go. Give me the keys, I’ll find your rental."
Sabu shook his head. “I came with a cab. Driving…driving is hard, these days.”
They both seemed uncomfortable at that, Rob kicking himself for not realizing things had changed. Then again, he’d always been the one driving - had never really heard of Sabu going somewhere on his own - so he’d always joked Sabu had never learned how to drive. Usually he’d have made the joke, but the way Sabu seemed trapped in his body’s failure caused him not to.
“I don’t have money.”
A frown. “How the fuck were you planning to get back? Counting on me to pay again, I bet. You always were a cheap son of a bitch.” Sabu pushed himself off the wall. “And who says you’re coming with me, anyway?”
Looking at him, he saw Sabu’s eyes soften. Sabu sighed, then motioned for Rob to follow him. “Fine, but you carry my bags. I left them in the locker-room.”
Wanting nothing more than to help him out, Rob nodded quickly and opened the door, pushing it open wide enough so Sabu wouldn’t have to bother with it. There had been many ways - over the years - that Rob had learned to help him without Sabu finding out. He’d just have to sharpen up on them again. Still, being ordered to do something had never felt so good. Rob grinned, it was just like old times.
~
In all his years in the business, Rob had seen many a disgraceful hotel room - mostly when he’d wrestled for ECW - but none had been quite as small as this one. He was almost in awe of it, the impossible size of it all making even him feel claustrophobic. Walls closing in on him made him blink, and if he hadn’t gotten an annoyed prod from Sabu he would have remained there in the door-opening.
“What is this?!” Rob asked, letting Sabu pass, and taking in the room some more. It was just wide enough to hold the bed, which was a surprise in itself, and the TV that should have been placed in front of it had thus been put to the side. Looking at it, Rob wasn’t sure if it would work. There was one chair, randomly placed in a corner, and that was that. The sad thing was, looking at the rather large bed, this was supposed to be a two-person room.
“If you don’t like it, then you can fucking leave,” Sabu muttered, turning on the TV and showing Rob that it did, in fact, work. Guess the room had one up on Rob this time.
“Surely you can afford better than this?”
“I can afford a lot of things!” Sabu snapped, “This room is fucking fine! Just because you’ve become pampered like the good little WWF wrestler you are, doesn’t mean everyone is. I’m saving money, which is why I have money, and you’re leeching off of me. And the thing has a fucking balcony, if you’re so damned worried about prices.”
Deciding he’d better not antagonize his friend further, Rob walked over to what seemed to be balcony doors, peeking through the stained glass windows to see a balcony that was barely big enough to fit two chairs. Not that those chairs were anything to rejoice about. In fact, one of them looked close to falling apart and disappearing altogether.
It was downright silly that Sabu would have to stay at a place like this, especially when Rob had a perfectly alright hotel room waiting for him. That would probably qualify as ‘pitying him’, though, and apparently Sabu saw nothing wrong with the shoddy place. Rob wondered how it was possible to ignore the fact that there was a giant hole in the ceiling, though.
Sabu had followed him - not that there was much chance of doing anything else in this room - and was now standing next to him, eyes seeking out Rob’s.
“You haven’t changed.”
Chuckling ruefully, Rob shook his head. “Sure I have. I’ve grown old.”
“If you’re old, then what does that make me?” Sabu asked, annoyed.
“Ancient, I guess.”
“Cheeky fucker.”
Catching the amused grin, the way Sabu actually seemed to enjoy their banter, made something inside of him ache. Not the bad ache, mind you, more the sort one got when everything was going the way they wanted it to, and they knew it would be ripped away from them soon enough. That inevitable sense of doom. Nothing good ever lasted long.
That thought struck home. Not being able to help himself, Rob turned sideways, mouth frantically seeking out Sabu’s. At first there was a surprised reaction, which had Rob thinking he was going to be left on the floor clutching his face, but Sabu seemed to regroup soon enough. A pained murmur left him, good hand reaching up to roughly grab hold of the ponytail - Sabu was nothing if not predictable when it came to that - but he kissed back anyway.
Angling his head to relieve the muscles in Sabu’s neck, Rob tried to stop the shivers that were racking his body. It wasn’t supposed to mean that much, it was only a kiss. A familiar taste, with the definite hint of blood, flooded his senses and he didn’t even realize he’d shut his eyes - painfully so - until he tried reading Sabu’s reaction.
A throaty gasp, something of a warning flashing in Sabu’s eyes, but also a appreciative murmur, teeth pulling at Rob’s bottom lip. Pulling Rob’s head down further, one hand was all he needed for that, Sabu seemed intent on making the most of this kiss. It left Rob arching back slightly, trying desperately to make sure neither were too uncomfortable. He wanted to rip Sabu’s clothes off, feel, touch, but was worried at the same time about the man’s reactions. And not just because he didn’t yet know how to deal with his partner’s injuries.
Letting one hand slip under the man’s waistband, he felt Sabu’s stance change. Burying his head in Rob’s neck, Sabu seemed to need a moment before he nipped an earlobe savagely. Sabu had always been fond of hearing Rob’s whine, something he would get to hear soon if he kept hurting him. Not that it wasn’t a turn on, of course.
“As much as I always love a good fuck,” Sabu whispered, breath brushing Rob’s ear, “I’m too fucking tired to deal with you.”
Rob recognized the regret in Sabu’s voice clear as day, and cursed himself for forgetting that Sabu had had a match, a stiff one if the bloody mouth was to be believed. He was supposed to be the considerate one, damnit, not forget about his partner’s wellbeing simply because he was horny. That was Sabu’s part to play.
“Nah, you’re just a tease.”
Sabu chuckled softly, Rob covering that with another needy kiss. Okay, so no sex, that left a myriad of possibilities. Hands brushed underneath the jacket, touching bare skin greedily. That’s what he’d always liked about his partner’s ring attire. Once the head gear had come off, his torso was complete naked, complete with scars for Rob to sigh over. He could feel the knots in Sabu’s shoulders, though, as he encircled the man with his arms. Tired muscles, tenseness, always attributes to Sabu, but never as obvious as now.
Nose-to-nose, Rob sighed. He didn’t want to be selfish. Well, he wanted to be, but knew he couldn’t. Not if he dared to say he cared for - no, loved - this man.
“You should sleep.”
“I hardly do, these days.”
I bet you haven’t,Rob couldn’t help but think, that ever-present urge to fuss rearing its ugly head again. Oh, how often had Sabu bitched about Rob’s habit of checking up on him. He simply couldn’t help himself, and neither could Rob.
“God,” Sabu choked out, his hand almost gentle as it let go of Rob’s hair and rested against his neck instead. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
He sighed, Rob’s hands affectionately rubbing his shoulders, trying to rid him of the painful aching, and eventually Rob could feel some of the tension leave. What the man was talking about, only God knew, but as Sabu pulled Rob’s head forward, eyes level, it seemed important.
“You were supposed to be a good fuck, nothing more. Leaving shouldn’t have been a problem,” Sabu continued, eyes flashing.
“Bastard,” Rob muttered, though he’d known all along their relationship had started out that way. It had been the only way for Sabu to condone what they were doing. It was because they didn’t have anyone else to fuck, and they were both lazy by nature, not because it was something serious. Never something serious. Only, for Rob it had always been, and he was quite sure that after a while Sabu had felt the same way.
To him the earlier words had come as close to a declaration of love - a term that almost made him shake his head - as Sabu had ever gotten, and that knowledge hit him hard. Holding on tight, only just keeping his fingernails from digging into the man’s skin, he kissed him again, urgently, though this time Sabu pulled back.
“What’s wrong?” the grumpy question came. “Don’t go all mushy on me now, Rob, most people don’t appreciate being told they were supposed to be a toy.”
Reluctantly letting him go, Rob gave his partner a weak smile. “Guess I’m just funny like that.”
“Hmf, I’ve always suspected you were funny. The wrong kind of funny, though, if you know what I mean.”
Rob laughed, too out of it to come with some witty reply. Back in the days he’d always lost too, Sabu always getting in the final word one way or the other. Sometimes he simply called bullshit, and that was that, but he did occasionally manage to make Rob feel at a loss for words.
Fumbling with his hair - one tug from Sabu had dislodged various strands from their confines - Rob looked at the bed, noticing there wouldn’t be a lot of room. There was only one pillow, too, and Rob doubted he’d be the one to get it, even if he had to sleep on the floor. They’d spent a lot of time in the same bed, but this time Sabu might not want him there.
Watching Sabu pull at the bedcovers, Rob considered how to best approach the subject. Luckily it seemed Sabu had read his mind, though, because there was a frown on the man’s face, and an annoyed scowl to his lips.
“I guess we can share the bed. But keep your ass on that side. I don’t want you getting all clingy. I can’t promise I won’t throw you out of bed if you latch onto me, either.” Sabu paused for a second, then glared. “And you’re not getting the pillow!”
Rob smiled, not even bothering to tell Sabu that he’d often woken up because of a hand that had threaded possessively in his hair. He nodded, shrugging out of his clothes and throwing them on the floor. Sabu had, of course, used the only chair to drop his clothes on, though Rob didn’t care.
Crawling under nothing but the sheets - Sabu couldn’t stand being suffocated under layers of filth, as he’d say - Rob had a terrible sense of dejavu. Countless times they’d been in exactly the same position, would this time be different? Shifting around a bit, the bed cold underneath him, he bit his lip. He had to ask.
"When I wake up tomorrow, will you be gone?"
Sabu hesitated, but the response was firm. "No."
Yet, in the back of his mind, Rob wasn't sure. So many things had been said, and so many times Rob had found out he'd been lied to, the most recent instance also the most painful one. Trusting Sabu had become difficult, had always been difficult, but he wanted to believe what the man said.
Feeling that Sabu was looking at him, that familiar shiver crawled up his spine, and Rob closed his eyes. He’d just have to trust him.
~
The next morning Rob woke up early, being used to a set routine. At first he wasn’t sure where he was, or why the very comfortable looking covers lay discarded on the floor, but then it dawned on him. Looking at the other side of the bed, it didn’t look very slept-on. A flurry of worry coursed through him, but soon enough he caught sight of the bag hanging off the chair. Sabu’s. He wouldn’t leave without his things, right?
Sitting upright, he rubbed sleepy eyes. Where had the bastard gone? Only after he’d crawled out of bed did he notice that the doors that opened to the balcony - if you could call the small entrapment that - were slightly ajar. Pulling on a sweater, he walked over and opened them cautiously.
There sat Sabu, huddled in a jacket and staring into the distance. A lighter in his good hand and the distinctive waft of something Rob was well-acquainted with made for a very familiar picture. Smoke twirled upwards, and Rob was pleased to see some things hadn't changed.
"I'm not sure that's legal here, you know."
Sabu said nothing, so Rob sat down next to him, the chair cold and uncomfortable, staring at the flat that was supposed to count as scenery. Their - Sabu's, he reminded himself - hotel room definitely wasn't the best the place had to offer. Down below he could hear cars starting, inhabitants of the building opposite them leaving their homes and driving to work. That meant it would be around seven o'clock, possibly earlier. Rob could remember looking at his phone before falling asleep, the red digits now telling him he hadn't slept long. Looking over at Sabu, at the ever-tired eyes and slouching shoulders, he wondered if he had slept at all.
"Why didn't you leave?"
The 'cigarette' - Rob was staying politically correct - dangled precariously on Sabu's lips as the man seemed to ponder Rob's question. His brows knitted together like they'd always done, and eventually Sabu turned his head.
"Because you were right."
Rob waited, the obvious question not necessary this time. He could see, from the way one hand fumbled nervously with a lighter, that he wasn't done yet. Knowing Sabu wouldn't appreciate the gesture, Rob didn't even offer to light it for him.
"I am tired."
Tracing the lines of the neat brickwork in front of him, Rob sighed. He knew that feeling all too well. The hand next to him fumbled some more, but eventually he could hear the familiar sounds of a working lighter, albeit shortly. It had to be difficult, only being able to use one hand.
"Everyone would be." Rob turned back to his partner.
"It's different, Rob. I've always been tired, broken, but these last couple of years... I don't know." Sabu shook his head gingerly, the uncomfortable rolling of his shoulders betraying the usual aches and pains. No wonder his body had given out. The constant travelling, the painful abuse, even broken necks hadn't been able to stop him. Not much ever had, though Rob had definitely tried.
"I know what you mean," Rob muttered, the situation almost ironic. Here they were, chatting about being worn out, when their separation had probably been a big part of it. For him, at least.
Reaching over and stealing the cigarette from Sabu - to which an eyebrow was raised - he leaned back and relaxed. He could use a bit of peace and quiet, just sitting there and letting things wash over him. Used as he was to travelling, it didn't bother him as much as it would other people, but it was still an ordeal he didn't particularly enjoy. The situation right now was much better, being able to lounge in a chair and know Sabu was sitting next to him. Even if he was being his normal quiet and grouchy self.
Years it had been since they'd last done this, Rob recognized, but somehow it felt no different. How many hotels had they stayed in, spent their precious free time being lazy, doing things they weren't supposed to, and throwing slight jabs at each other’s heads? How many countries they had been in, with Rob joking around about foreign languages, customs, or beliefs, after which Sabu firmly told him to shut the fuck up? Rob smiled, there'd been so many times, in so many different ways, and there was nothing in the world that could make him give up those beloved memories.
“That wasn’t yours,” Sabu commented dryly, and Rob simply smirked. There was humour in the older man’s eyes, and it was entirely too early to get mad at Rob for something. Both knew this, though Sabu’s grand attempt at looking menacing didn’t go unnoticed.
“Grouch,” Rob muttered affectionately, catching the slight grin. Sighing contently, he stared out into the distance. The watery sun trying to escape the wrath of some clouds was something of a mirror image of them, Rob decided, suddenly feeling poetic. He wanted to tell Sabu about it, but he wasn’t sure he would appreciate being called a rain-cloud.
Looking over at Sabu again, he noticed the man had closed his eyes. Rob hoped he’d fall asleep - miracles did happen - because he could definitely use it. His brow was furrowing though, so perhaps he was in deep thought instead. Not knowing what to say, Rob just sat there, smiling, and just watched. He simply watched. And loved it.
~
The next couple of hours were spent in relative silence, Sabu even falling into a fitful sleep at one point. All seemed to go well, although as the morning ended and afternoon began, Rob could feel tension building. Perhaps Sabu was fearing ‘the talk’, or it was his body acting up, but the man was becoming restless. Rob had suggested they go somewhere, but Sabu had rudely let him know he wasn’t fond of walking anymore, shutting Rob up.
Now Rob watched with worry as Sabu grabbed some things from his travel-bag and stuffed them into his pockets. He’d apparently changed out of his ring-gear and into something more comfortable when Rob had been asleep. Unfortunately Rob had missed the show entirely.
"I need to get some things sorted out.”
Rob froze at that, the realization that Sabu was keeping something from him suddenly dawning on him. What was going on, and couldn’t Rob come? Sabu didn’t give him the chance to ponder it, instead continuing quickly.
“I'll meet you back here at around five. I left some money in my bag for you. Use it if you have to, but know I’m getting it back with interest."
He stared at Sabu, catching the nervousness is his partner’s voice, noticed his own quickened breathing. What was Sabu up to? Could he trust him to be there, like he said he would? Being tired didn't mean he'd stay, and if there was anything Rob had learned, then it was that Sabu - no matter how he felt - preferred running away over giving in.
"And will you be there, or will you disappear again? At least give me a head-start, Sabu, following you around is fucking tiresome."
He didn’t get an answer, and instead slowly followed as Sabu limped out the door. He considered following him, but knew it wouldn’t work. Staring at his lover’s retreating back, he tried to quiet that little voice that told him not to trust Sabu. If he had learned anything, then it was not to trust Sabu. But, oh, he wanted to.
~
His eyes were probably red, Rob knew, having done nothing but watch TV since Sabu had left. He’d been sitting there, trying to understand the gibberish that was German, for over four hours, the nerves eating at him. The thought of this all having been in vain scared him, as did his own resolve. Could he deal with another rejection?
Staring at his watch - it was 5.15 - Rob tried to focus on the TV again, not giving in to the urge to go over everything the man had said, done, or neglected to. Worrying - Sabu had told him to stop that so many times - wouldn't help his case, and right now he needed to believe Sabu would show up. He too was tired, but not of wrestling. Hell, not even of the way he'd been dashing from country to country. Most of all he was tired of the painful game of cat-and-mouse they played, Rob always ending up the loser. He just hoped this time the mouse would end up getting what it wanted. This time, Rob decided, Sabu had to show up. If not, then Rob wasn't sure what he'd do.
To Be Continued. (End of Part Two.)
Author: Lalaith86 (Sila)
Rating: R
Pairing: RVD/Sabu
Summary: Having been left behind once again, Rob wonders if trying to find Sabu will help at all. Not being able to help himself, he follows once more and finds himself in a foreign country. Will things be different this time?
Feedback: Please, please, please! :D
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Nothing, nada! That should about cover it.
Author’s Note: This is the sequel to part one of Always Good Enough. Click the link to read that first. Also, thank you raisingkane for beta-ing for me! You are awesome! ^^
~
It had taken Rob two days to muster the courage to do what he knew he had to. Visit Raven. That in itself wasn’t something he did often, the endless pushing and prodding enough to annoy even him, but if anyone knew what to do now, then it’d be Scotty. There’d be unnecessary advice, and sentences Rob didn’t quite understand, but perhaps it would help.
So, here he was, waiting impatiently for the man to get off his fat ass - Sandman agreed Raven had gotten surprisingly big over the years - and open the door. Knowing Scotty, he was contemplating the best ways to scare his latest visitor shitless.
Raven didn’t seem surprised to see Rob, and he stood in the door-opening with a knowing look on his face. A sigh, then a wave, and Rob followed him inside. Not caring for his friend’s house, he’d seen it once or twice before, he didn’t waste time looking at anything. He knew he’d find all sorts of strange stuff - and comics, something Rob would normally enjoy - but right now that wasn’t what he was here for. Looking at the frown on Raven’s face, he too seemed to know this wasn’t a social call.
Even though Rob didn’t want to, he allowed Raven to show him around again, though he saw nothing. Eventually they returned to the sitting room, where Rob declined another offer - this time of a drink - and shook his head as Raven offered him a seat as well. His friend was stalling, it was clear. Raven had never had those kind of manners.
The taller of the two brushed a hand through his hair, looking at Rob with worried eyes. That wasn’t very comforting, whenever Raven was unsure about something, or worried, things usually went badly for those involved. Scott was too smart to get things wrong like that.
Looking at him, the way he just kept delaying the inevitable, made Rob feel rather murderous. Who had given him the right to interfere anyway, and why had he? Rob had been doing fine until Raven decided Sabu needed to give him closure. Fuck closure, he still didn’t have it, and he was quite sure it wouldn’t have been worth it anyway.
And where was Sabu in all this? Here Rob was, struggling, trying, and Sabu was probably off somewhere doing stupid things, not at all concerned with what had happened between them that night. Rob wasn’t sure why, but he felt angry at the thought.
Raven just kept staring at him, this worried yet thoughtful stare causing Rob to want to wipe the frown off the guy’s face. His meddling had caused this.
“I take it something went wrong? I doubt you’re here to thank me.”
It was the casual tone to Raven’s voice that made Rob snap, the urge to hit his friend so overwhelming that he couldn’t help himself. He took a swing for his head, grazing it with his knuckles as Raven backed away quickly. For someone that big his reflexes were surprisingly quick, no doubt due to all the years spent wrestling. Or, perhaps, Rob had missed intentionally because he didn’t really want to hurt his friend. There was a definite conflict of interest there.
Still, there was this itch to take things out on him, the relaxed attitude Rob prided himself on momentarily forgotten for the sake of venting his anger.
“You don’t want to hit me.”
The mere sound of Raven’s voice caused Rob to lash out again, this time hitting him square in the chest with a rather lousy punch.
“Oh no, that’s exactly what I want.”
He aimed for the man’s face, but Raven grabbed his wrist. Rob knew there were various ways - most of which he was capable of doing - to get out of this, probably accompanied by an uncomfortable snapping sound, but something stopped him. What was he doing? This wasn’t him, and Raven - no matter what the bastard had done - didn’t deserve it.
“You want to hit Sabu, not me.”
Rob was breathing harshly, something that surprised him. It scared him, to see how worked up he’d gotten after a few punches, after a few words. Raven was right, though, and Rob stared at the ground dejectedly. Only one meeting, and the man had already managed to make him lose control again. How the fuck did Sabu always manage to do that? It wasn’t fair.
“Rob, sit down.”
Rubbing his forehead, feeling frustrated with his inability to deal with this, Rob did what Raven suggested. He’d calmed down a bit, though remaining seated on the couch was still difficult. He wanted to pace, do something except wait for Raven to get to the point. Perhaps this out of character behaviour scared his friend, who knew, but then Raven had seen a lot of shit in his life. Some emotional venting wouldn’t be the worst.
“What happened?”
It was the compassionate and concerned tone that did it, a sigh leaving Rob’s body as he buried his face in his hands. Raven wasn’t his best friend by a long shot, but somehow they’d always felt comfortable around each other. Someone to talk to, someone who wasn’t as involved. Someone who had seen adversity all too often, but had overcome it. That was what Rob wanted to do now, overcome this, yet at the same time he didn’t. There was a question burning on his lips, but he dared not ask. Not yet.
“He fucking left!” Rob scowled at his own bitterness, but continued anyway. “I fell asleep, and the next morning he was gone. He’d taken the car and left!”
Raven shook his head. “God, I’m sorry. I didn’t expect it to happen like that.”
“Well, what did you expect? You’re the smart person, right? You should have known!” Rob all but snarled, the guilty expression on Raven’s face not helping.
“I’m not sure what I thought would happen. You’d make up and live happily ever after, or you’d break it off completely and find some peace with it, I don’t know. Never this.”
“Things never work the way they’re supposed to with us, Scotty,” Rob muttered, knowing full well how right he was. Nothing in their life could ever have been called normal. Not because they were wrestlers, though that didn’t help, but because of who they were. It had started out hesitantly, Sabu holding off for far too long, and only Rob’s stubborn prodding had ever been able to persuade him. That wasn’t how it was supposed to go, someone shouldn’t be tempted into a relationship. They should want to, and though Rob had always felt he knew, not everyone would understand.
“Goddamnit, Scott!”
Flashes, memories, of heated eyes, of hands pulling at his hair, of frantic kisses when no one was looking, they reminded Rob that Sabu had definitely wanted what they’d shared, if he just looked closely enough.
“I’m sorry.”
Rob paused, the anger he’d felt at his friend dissipating at the defeat and guilt in the man’s tone. It would be the easiest approach, taking his anger out on Raven, but also the most cowardly one. It wouldn’t be fair. Suddenly he felt extremely guilty at having lost his temper. He was acting like a child.
“Do you know where he is?” he asked quietly, hating the way he was still hoping for some kind of information. Something to guide him, tell him where to go, what to do.
“Rob, you shouldn’t -“
“Please…”
He knew he sounded desperate, something he’d been recognizing in himself quite a bit lately. Still, Rob had the hope that it would all be worth it in the end. He wasn’t sure if what he’d get would be enough, but he needed to give it a try. Even if Sabu wanted nothing to do with him, then that would - should - be all. A reason not to press further, to give up and continue with his life. And if he did... Well, Rob didn’t dare think of that yet.
Raven was looking worried, and Rob could almost hear the wheels turning. With all the man’s intelligence, he’d also been a bit of a pessimist, so Rob could only imagine what ill-fated events that brilliant mind was coming up with. Eventually Raven nodded, having made his decision.
“Alright. Tommy will kill me, but I’ll tell you where he is.”
Rob smiled, thankful that he had friends like this to fall back on. Even if he did want to break their arms and legs now and then. Still, he could follow Sabu around again. Like he’d done for so very long.
~
Watching glumly as the unfamiliar contours of cities and villages passed by below, Rob tried to relax in his seat. Airplane flights had long since lost their fascination, and even though he had to smile at the excited cries of a child in front of him, he desperately wished he could fall asleep and simply let the next couple of hours go by.
Having left Raven and ignored his friend's failed attempts to make him see reason, - when had Rob ever managed that? - he'd booked himself the earliest flight he could find. Which meant he'd been up and about at 5 o'clock in the morning, but that couldn't be helped.
Travelling to Germany wasn't new, though it had never been this important. Shows remained shows, no matter where they were, but this was different. Even if he'd probably end up at a wrestling show. What else would Sabu be doing in a foreign country? Besides running away, that is.
Next to him a woman, roughly his age, snapped her book shut - no doubt annoyed with the insisting 'oohs' and 'aahs' of the children in front of her. He couldn't blame her. Giving her a compassionate smile, he turned back to the window, leaning against it - even with the chill - and closing his eyes. Perhaps this time, sleep would come.
~
Tired - oh so very tired - from hours of travelling, Rob had contemplated staying at the hotel. His head had been pounding ever since he'd been roughly awakened by some turbulence, and the trip from the airport to the hotel and then to where he was now - all in a rather uncomfortable cab - had almost made him consider going to bed for a while.
But, the fear of not going through with it, or missing Sabu - who knew when this event ended and Sabu would be chasing after a new show to shine at - had made him decide against it. Better to get this over with.
He stared at the building he'd been dropped off at, the unmistakable presence of wrestling clear just by the faded pictures stuck on the door. It was a humble entrance, but those people that wanted to go in had no trouble whatsoever finding it.
Rob wondered for a second how he'd pay, the spare Euros he'd found in an old coat barely enough to pay for the hotel room, but he soon found out that people hadn't forgotten him just yet.
"I don't believe it. Rob Van Dam! It's been a while since I last saw you, man."
The man selling the tickets smiled broadly at him, and Rob grinned. It was good to know people remembered and still appreciated him, though he hoped not too many people would find out he was here. He didn't need everyone bothering him and giving Sabu the chance to run off again. Years ago he wouldn't have thought that possible, Sabu fleeing from anything, but it was the sad truth.
"Nice to meet you. I, ehm, I was looking for Sabu."
“Ah, of course. That makes sense. Follow me!”
After making sure one of his co-workers took over at the gate, the rather broad man pushed his way through the people, Rob in his wake. Occasionally Rob caught the flash of surprise on people’s faces, the unmistakable look of recognition, but overall he seemed to get by unnoticed. Hiding under the hoodie he had pulled over his head could do that.
Taking in the run down quality of the place, yet also the special sensation in the air - this was a wrestling show, after all - Rob followed patiently, the man luckily not interested in showing off his latest find.
Eventually they got to some shabby locker rooms in the back of the building, separated from the ring by a hallway and thick, black curtains. Rob looked at the ring for a moment, memories creeping up on him, but when the man stopped and pointed at a pale green door, he froze. His stomach twisted and turned, nerves suddenly hitting him. What had possessed him to come all the way to this place he didn’t know, just to chase after someone who obviously wasn’t interested? Raven was right, Rob must be stupid.
“He should be in there. Their main event just ended, really a shame you missed it.”
Rob scowled, knowing Sabu shouldn’t have been wrestling. The man didn’t notice though and continued proudly.
“There’s another show after this one, in about two hours, but I don’t think Sabu’s in it. Then again, you probably know his schedule better than I do. Man, having you two in the same building brings back memories of that old ECW you guys were in.”
He gave the man a weak smile, not even bothering to set him straight. That would only result in obnoxious questions, and that wasn’t what he needed right now. He needed a shower and a bed, though both seemed unlikely, and he needed to talk to Sabu. Perhaps tie him down, if needed. Pretty much like old times.
“You can probably just go in there, you know. I don’t think the boys would mind.”
He looked up, the thought of facing Sabu with several young wrestlers present a scary one. He wasn’t getting into that with an audience watching. An audience that would judge.
“No, that’s fine. I’ll wait till he’s ready. He gets cranky when I rush him.”
A chuckle, and a nod. “Yeah, he sounds like that kind of guy. Well, if you need anything, just ask. I’ll be heading back to the front now, can’t trust Daniel with anything. With our luck he’s let in half the football team.”
Giving Rob a heavy pat on the back, the man chuckled at his own joke and walked off, the hallway suddenly very empty. A stagehand snuck by, giving Rob a once-over before hurrying off, but besides that there was no one around. Rob wasn’t sure whether that was a good thing, or just unfortunate.
Probably the latter, Rob reasoned, because his mind was given entirely too much time to come up with possible reactions Sabu could have. From yelling, hitting him, throwing things at his head, and having him kicked out of the building, the possibilities were endless. There was that sneaky hope Sabu would somehow let Rob know he was happy to see him, but he wasn’t counting on it.
Feeling very stupid for just standing there - though no one was looking - Rob leaned against the wall, eyes firmly focused on the door. His head ached, and not for the first time he wished he’d stopped to get some aspirin first. Or whatever they called it here. Still, the man had said Sabu had finished, so that might have caused Rob to miss him. It seemed fate had something else in mind, making sure Rob got there on time.
The door opened and, startled, Rob pushed off the wall. Two young wrestlers walked out, both acting like they’d just been attacked by something, but neither noticed Rob. Something told him Sabu was the cause of that, but he couldn’t be sure until he did in fact see the familiar form of his lover, friend - Rob wasn’t sure what to call him now - pause in the door opening. He was busy scowling at their backs, and it gave Rob a second to take him in. His hair was wet, no doubt from the shower, and he’d thrown a jacket over his ring gear. Never one to stay around for very long, he looked about ready to leave for the hotel.
Then Sabu turned, dark eyes catching his, and Rob swallowed nervously.
They stared at each other, the scene eerily similar to the one that night at Rob’s place. It was obvious that Sabu was surprised, even his stoic expression not hiding the wonder in his eyes, the sight of Rob before him obviously an unexpected one. Rob kept quiet, the aching behind his eyes gone. The travelling had paid off, even if Rob suddenly didn't know what to do. He'd thought about it, had formed all sorts plans, but now that he was here, he felt lost. Words he didn't recognize, accents he couldn't place, they all rushed by as he stood there, another stagehand walking past, but not interjecting. Thank God for that.
A pamphlet to Sabu's right - it was hard to look at him directly - caused Rob to scowl again. In big, bold letters Sabu's name adorned the top. What lies had he told those whose job it was to tempt wrestlers their way? Knowing him, he'd said he was fine, the limp one of those minor injuries everyone knew Sabu always had. He was a convincing liar, after all, and years of being constantly injured had left people thinking Sabu couldn't be stopped. Guess they were right.
“Rob.”
There was a tremor there, he noted. One of those tell-tale signs, to Rob at least, that Sabu was somehow affected by what was going on. Then again, he better be.
Other wrestlers carefully pushed past Sabu, the way he was obstructing the door-opening apparently lost on the man, and Rob tried a weak smile as one of the men raised an eyebrow at him. It must have looked strange, them staring at each other, and if these were indeed wrestlers then they undoubtedly recognized the two. What they were thinking, Rob couldn't be sure, but it was probably better if they found somewhere else to talk.
"Come," he said, the way Sabu allowed Rob to pull him away another one of those signs that his surprise was enough to render him temporarily meek and willing.
They ended up in the car park, the lot pretty much empty except for several vans. Sabu muttered something about the ring crew, so Rob figured only backstage people parked here. It was for the best, he doubted either of them knew the building well enough to find a remote spot. It was rather cold, though, and Rob huddled in his jacket as he gave the area a once-over. It was small, pretty inconspicuous, and he doubted anyone could see through the thick bushes down the sides.
"What are you doing here?"
Why do you think I'm here? Rob wanted to ask, but chose instead to keep it light, for now, even if he didn't want to.
“Don’t tell me you’re surprised to see me. I always did act like a puppy running after its owner, you know,” he muttered, the cracked lighting above them casting deep shadows, occasionally broken by the light bulb’s vigilant tries to work as it was supposed to.
"Should you be wrestling?" Rob asked cautiously, hoping Sabu wouldn’t reply to his other comment. Knowing him it would have been some stupid quip about leashes and whatnot, and right now Rob didn't need the familiarity of them joking around.
"Aren't I always?"
Rob sighed. It wasn’t an answer, though he knew what Sabu meant. To him that was a big part of his existence; wrestling. It was what had made him, defined him, and nothing was as important as wrestling. Not even Rob.
“You shouldn’t be.”
He received a glare for that, one he had anticipated. The thought of not being able to wrestle was a tough one to swallow, especially for Sabu, and someone else telling him that was bound to cause friction.
“Who are you to decide that?” Sabu frowned at the mere idea.
“Just someone who cares.”
A snort, and Sabu turned away, though Rob could see Sabu’s hand steady himself on the wall. Seeing how pale he was, Rob was momentarily worried that he might pass out, causing him to check for any signs that Sabu had hurt his head. Wanting to reach out, push away the hair so he could check for cuts and bruises, he was surprised by the biting edge to Sabu’s voice.
"Stop that, Rob!"
"Stop what?"
Again Sabu wavered on the spot, and Rob felt his hands twitch. Nothing he had ever offered to do for Sabu had ended well, and most of the time he’d gotten snarled at for fussing. Not that that in itself wasn’t a turn on, but the ground - complete with sharp rocks and broken tiles - didn’t look at all inviting and Rob knew that would be where Sabu’d end up if he worked himself into a frenzy.
"Stop looking at me like that. Stop pitying me. I don’t want any of that."
“You’re confusing pity with concern again. You always did.”
There was silence between them, the screeching of tires nearby proving to be the soundtrack for yet another conversation in which Rob felt like not everything was being said. It needed to be, but Sabu’s nature, and Rob’s unwillingness to get hurt again, kept it from happening. Rob knew this, but wasn’t sure he could deal.
“Rob,” Sabu ground out, a frown on his face as he carefully shifted his weight off his bad leg. Standing still didn’t do him any good. “Why are you here?”
That question again. Usually such a simple, meaningless question, but suddenly so very important. Answering it was dangerous, but then most questions Sabu asked were dangerous. He always put so much meaning behind them.
“Well, I always did like Germany as a country, and -” Rob paused as he saw the look in Sabu’s eyes, that fleeting flash of disappointment, so striking. Disappointed with Rob for being a coward, perhaps, that he didn’t say what Sabu himself wanted to say so desperately.
“God, Sabu, you know why I’m here.”
“Do I?” Caution, a sliver of anger - why Sabu thought he had the right to be angry, Rob wasn’t sure - and it seemed Sabu was annoyed with himself. Rob wanted to ask questions, find out what was going on, but he was sure Sabu wouldn’t appreciate it, so he just answered.
“I’m here because of you. You go, I follow. Isn’t that how it usually goes?”
More uncomfortable movement, and Rob could almost see Sabu replay memories. It had often happened that Rob would follow his friend tirelessly, even after a fight, and it somehow felt right that he was doing it again. A resemblance of before, in a way.
“Yeah, you were always good at that. You never fucking listened, though.”
He had to smile at that, Sabu’s tone harsh to anyone but him. Somehow Rob had always managed to see past that, something which had started when Sabu had helped his uncle train him. Even back then they’d clashed, but in a competitive way, and they’d learned to trust each other, lean on the other for support. Undoubtedly, Rob figured, Sabu had never admitted that to anyone, but days spent stuck in some lousy rental put things in perspective. It was hard to stay cold and cruel to someone forever, and Rob had learned what to do to get what he wanted.
“Well, most of the time you didn’t make much sense.”
Sabu chuckled. “Cocksucker.”
It was a relief to Rob, to see his friend unwind. No one knew for sure with Sabu, but he was pretty positive he wouldn’t get hit in the face with something. He seemed to relax - which wasn’t always a good thing, but seemed to be now - and if he was using one of his favourite nicknames for Rob - Rob figured that was wishful thinking on Sabu’s part - then he was comfortable.
Watching his friend, he could see him shiver - the thin material of his ring gear not enough even with the added bonus of a jacket. Normally he’d be in a car right now, nice and warm - provided the rental had heating. Rob felt guilty for that, but hoped Sabu wouldn’t mind.
“I’d offer you my jacket, but I know what the answer would be.”
A patented snort, and Rob smiled again - he couldn’t help himself - though it faded at the weary sigh that left his former lover. Sabu rubbed his forehead, and not for the first time Rob noticed the way he was hanging against the wall, good hand rubbing his thigh. Was he in pain? Surely if he mentioned that, he’d get yelled at.
"You're tired," he whispered instead, wanting nothing more than to just hold the man up, but he knew pride - annoying as always - wouldn't let him. Whether it was his - not even wanting to think about the man he loved breaking down - or Sabu's, he wasn't sure.
A weary chuckle. "I always am. It doesn't matter."
"Yes, it does.” A pause. “We should go. Give me the keys, I’ll find your rental."
Sabu shook his head. “I came with a cab. Driving…driving is hard, these days.”
They both seemed uncomfortable at that, Rob kicking himself for not realizing things had changed. Then again, he’d always been the one driving - had never really heard of Sabu going somewhere on his own - so he’d always joked Sabu had never learned how to drive. Usually he’d have made the joke, but the way Sabu seemed trapped in his body’s failure caused him not to.
“I don’t have money.”
A frown. “How the fuck were you planning to get back? Counting on me to pay again, I bet. You always were a cheap son of a bitch.” Sabu pushed himself off the wall. “And who says you’re coming with me, anyway?”
Looking at him, he saw Sabu’s eyes soften. Sabu sighed, then motioned for Rob to follow him. “Fine, but you carry my bags. I left them in the locker-room.”
Wanting nothing more than to help him out, Rob nodded quickly and opened the door, pushing it open wide enough so Sabu wouldn’t have to bother with it. There had been many ways - over the years - that Rob had learned to help him without Sabu finding out. He’d just have to sharpen up on them again. Still, being ordered to do something had never felt so good. Rob grinned, it was just like old times.
~
In all his years in the business, Rob had seen many a disgraceful hotel room - mostly when he’d wrestled for ECW - but none had been quite as small as this one. He was almost in awe of it, the impossible size of it all making even him feel claustrophobic. Walls closing in on him made him blink, and if he hadn’t gotten an annoyed prod from Sabu he would have remained there in the door-opening.
“What is this?!” Rob asked, letting Sabu pass, and taking in the room some more. It was just wide enough to hold the bed, which was a surprise in itself, and the TV that should have been placed in front of it had thus been put to the side. Looking at it, Rob wasn’t sure if it would work. There was one chair, randomly placed in a corner, and that was that. The sad thing was, looking at the rather large bed, this was supposed to be a two-person room.
“If you don’t like it, then you can fucking leave,” Sabu muttered, turning on the TV and showing Rob that it did, in fact, work. Guess the room had one up on Rob this time.
“Surely you can afford better than this?”
“I can afford a lot of things!” Sabu snapped, “This room is fucking fine! Just because you’ve become pampered like the good little WWF wrestler you are, doesn’t mean everyone is. I’m saving money, which is why I have money, and you’re leeching off of me. And the thing has a fucking balcony, if you’re so damned worried about prices.”
Deciding he’d better not antagonize his friend further, Rob walked over to what seemed to be balcony doors, peeking through the stained glass windows to see a balcony that was barely big enough to fit two chairs. Not that those chairs were anything to rejoice about. In fact, one of them looked close to falling apart and disappearing altogether.
It was downright silly that Sabu would have to stay at a place like this, especially when Rob had a perfectly alright hotel room waiting for him. That would probably qualify as ‘pitying him’, though, and apparently Sabu saw nothing wrong with the shoddy place. Rob wondered how it was possible to ignore the fact that there was a giant hole in the ceiling, though.
Sabu had followed him - not that there was much chance of doing anything else in this room - and was now standing next to him, eyes seeking out Rob’s.
“You haven’t changed.”
Chuckling ruefully, Rob shook his head. “Sure I have. I’ve grown old.”
“If you’re old, then what does that make me?” Sabu asked, annoyed.
“Ancient, I guess.”
“Cheeky fucker.”
Catching the amused grin, the way Sabu actually seemed to enjoy their banter, made something inside of him ache. Not the bad ache, mind you, more the sort one got when everything was going the way they wanted it to, and they knew it would be ripped away from them soon enough. That inevitable sense of doom. Nothing good ever lasted long.
That thought struck home. Not being able to help himself, Rob turned sideways, mouth frantically seeking out Sabu’s. At first there was a surprised reaction, which had Rob thinking he was going to be left on the floor clutching his face, but Sabu seemed to regroup soon enough. A pained murmur left him, good hand reaching up to roughly grab hold of the ponytail - Sabu was nothing if not predictable when it came to that - but he kissed back anyway.
Angling his head to relieve the muscles in Sabu’s neck, Rob tried to stop the shivers that were racking his body. It wasn’t supposed to mean that much, it was only a kiss. A familiar taste, with the definite hint of blood, flooded his senses and he didn’t even realize he’d shut his eyes - painfully so - until he tried reading Sabu’s reaction.
A throaty gasp, something of a warning flashing in Sabu’s eyes, but also a appreciative murmur, teeth pulling at Rob’s bottom lip. Pulling Rob’s head down further, one hand was all he needed for that, Sabu seemed intent on making the most of this kiss. It left Rob arching back slightly, trying desperately to make sure neither were too uncomfortable. He wanted to rip Sabu’s clothes off, feel, touch, but was worried at the same time about the man’s reactions. And not just because he didn’t yet know how to deal with his partner’s injuries.
Letting one hand slip under the man’s waistband, he felt Sabu’s stance change. Burying his head in Rob’s neck, Sabu seemed to need a moment before he nipped an earlobe savagely. Sabu had always been fond of hearing Rob’s whine, something he would get to hear soon if he kept hurting him. Not that it wasn’t a turn on, of course.
“As much as I always love a good fuck,” Sabu whispered, breath brushing Rob’s ear, “I’m too fucking tired to deal with you.”
Rob recognized the regret in Sabu’s voice clear as day, and cursed himself for forgetting that Sabu had had a match, a stiff one if the bloody mouth was to be believed. He was supposed to be the considerate one, damnit, not forget about his partner’s wellbeing simply because he was horny. That was Sabu’s part to play.
“Nah, you’re just a tease.”
Sabu chuckled softly, Rob covering that with another needy kiss. Okay, so no sex, that left a myriad of possibilities. Hands brushed underneath the jacket, touching bare skin greedily. That’s what he’d always liked about his partner’s ring attire. Once the head gear had come off, his torso was complete naked, complete with scars for Rob to sigh over. He could feel the knots in Sabu’s shoulders, though, as he encircled the man with his arms. Tired muscles, tenseness, always attributes to Sabu, but never as obvious as now.
Nose-to-nose, Rob sighed. He didn’t want to be selfish. Well, he wanted to be, but knew he couldn’t. Not if he dared to say he cared for - no, loved - this man.
“You should sleep.”
“I hardly do, these days.”
I bet you haven’t,Rob couldn’t help but think, that ever-present urge to fuss rearing its ugly head again. Oh, how often had Sabu bitched about Rob’s habit of checking up on him. He simply couldn’t help himself, and neither could Rob.
“God,” Sabu choked out, his hand almost gentle as it let go of Rob’s hair and rested against his neck instead. “It wasn’t supposed to happen like this.”
He sighed, Rob’s hands affectionately rubbing his shoulders, trying to rid him of the painful aching, and eventually Rob could feel some of the tension leave. What the man was talking about, only God knew, but as Sabu pulled Rob’s head forward, eyes level, it seemed important.
“You were supposed to be a good fuck, nothing more. Leaving shouldn’t have been a problem,” Sabu continued, eyes flashing.
“Bastard,” Rob muttered, though he’d known all along their relationship had started out that way. It had been the only way for Sabu to condone what they were doing. It was because they didn’t have anyone else to fuck, and they were both lazy by nature, not because it was something serious. Never something serious. Only, for Rob it had always been, and he was quite sure that after a while Sabu had felt the same way.
To him the earlier words had come as close to a declaration of love - a term that almost made him shake his head - as Sabu had ever gotten, and that knowledge hit him hard. Holding on tight, only just keeping his fingernails from digging into the man’s skin, he kissed him again, urgently, though this time Sabu pulled back.
“What’s wrong?” the grumpy question came. “Don’t go all mushy on me now, Rob, most people don’t appreciate being told they were supposed to be a toy.”
Reluctantly letting him go, Rob gave his partner a weak smile. “Guess I’m just funny like that.”
“Hmf, I’ve always suspected you were funny. The wrong kind of funny, though, if you know what I mean.”
Rob laughed, too out of it to come with some witty reply. Back in the days he’d always lost too, Sabu always getting in the final word one way or the other. Sometimes he simply called bullshit, and that was that, but he did occasionally manage to make Rob feel at a loss for words.
Fumbling with his hair - one tug from Sabu had dislodged various strands from their confines - Rob looked at the bed, noticing there wouldn’t be a lot of room. There was only one pillow, too, and Rob doubted he’d be the one to get it, even if he had to sleep on the floor. They’d spent a lot of time in the same bed, but this time Sabu might not want him there.
Watching Sabu pull at the bedcovers, Rob considered how to best approach the subject. Luckily it seemed Sabu had read his mind, though, because there was a frown on the man’s face, and an annoyed scowl to his lips.
“I guess we can share the bed. But keep your ass on that side. I don’t want you getting all clingy. I can’t promise I won’t throw you out of bed if you latch onto me, either.” Sabu paused for a second, then glared. “And you’re not getting the pillow!”
Rob smiled, not even bothering to tell Sabu that he’d often woken up because of a hand that had threaded possessively in his hair. He nodded, shrugging out of his clothes and throwing them on the floor. Sabu had, of course, used the only chair to drop his clothes on, though Rob didn’t care.
Crawling under nothing but the sheets - Sabu couldn’t stand being suffocated under layers of filth, as he’d say - Rob had a terrible sense of dejavu. Countless times they’d been in exactly the same position, would this time be different? Shifting around a bit, the bed cold underneath him, he bit his lip. He had to ask.
"When I wake up tomorrow, will you be gone?"
Sabu hesitated, but the response was firm. "No."
Yet, in the back of his mind, Rob wasn't sure. So many things had been said, and so many times Rob had found out he'd been lied to, the most recent instance also the most painful one. Trusting Sabu had become difficult, had always been difficult, but he wanted to believe what the man said.
Feeling that Sabu was looking at him, that familiar shiver crawled up his spine, and Rob closed his eyes. He’d just have to trust him.
~
The next morning Rob woke up early, being used to a set routine. At first he wasn’t sure where he was, or why the very comfortable looking covers lay discarded on the floor, but then it dawned on him. Looking at the other side of the bed, it didn’t look very slept-on. A flurry of worry coursed through him, but soon enough he caught sight of the bag hanging off the chair. Sabu’s. He wouldn’t leave without his things, right?
Sitting upright, he rubbed sleepy eyes. Where had the bastard gone? Only after he’d crawled out of bed did he notice that the doors that opened to the balcony - if you could call the small entrapment that - were slightly ajar. Pulling on a sweater, he walked over and opened them cautiously.
There sat Sabu, huddled in a jacket and staring into the distance. A lighter in his good hand and the distinctive waft of something Rob was well-acquainted with made for a very familiar picture. Smoke twirled upwards, and Rob was pleased to see some things hadn't changed.
"I'm not sure that's legal here, you know."
Sabu said nothing, so Rob sat down next to him, the chair cold and uncomfortable, staring at the flat that was supposed to count as scenery. Their - Sabu's, he reminded himself - hotel room definitely wasn't the best the place had to offer. Down below he could hear cars starting, inhabitants of the building opposite them leaving their homes and driving to work. That meant it would be around seven o'clock, possibly earlier. Rob could remember looking at his phone before falling asleep, the red digits now telling him he hadn't slept long. Looking over at Sabu, at the ever-tired eyes and slouching shoulders, he wondered if he had slept at all.
"Why didn't you leave?"
The 'cigarette' - Rob was staying politically correct - dangled precariously on Sabu's lips as the man seemed to ponder Rob's question. His brows knitted together like they'd always done, and eventually Sabu turned his head.
"Because you were right."
Rob waited, the obvious question not necessary this time. He could see, from the way one hand fumbled nervously with a lighter, that he wasn't done yet. Knowing Sabu wouldn't appreciate the gesture, Rob didn't even offer to light it for him.
"I am tired."
Tracing the lines of the neat brickwork in front of him, Rob sighed. He knew that feeling all too well. The hand next to him fumbled some more, but eventually he could hear the familiar sounds of a working lighter, albeit shortly. It had to be difficult, only being able to use one hand.
"Everyone would be." Rob turned back to his partner.
"It's different, Rob. I've always been tired, broken, but these last couple of years... I don't know." Sabu shook his head gingerly, the uncomfortable rolling of his shoulders betraying the usual aches and pains. No wonder his body had given out. The constant travelling, the painful abuse, even broken necks hadn't been able to stop him. Not much ever had, though Rob had definitely tried.
"I know what you mean," Rob muttered, the situation almost ironic. Here they were, chatting about being worn out, when their separation had probably been a big part of it. For him, at least.
Reaching over and stealing the cigarette from Sabu - to which an eyebrow was raised - he leaned back and relaxed. He could use a bit of peace and quiet, just sitting there and letting things wash over him. Used as he was to travelling, it didn't bother him as much as it would other people, but it was still an ordeal he didn't particularly enjoy. The situation right now was much better, being able to lounge in a chair and know Sabu was sitting next to him. Even if he was being his normal quiet and grouchy self.
Years it had been since they'd last done this, Rob recognized, but somehow it felt no different. How many hotels had they stayed in, spent their precious free time being lazy, doing things they weren't supposed to, and throwing slight jabs at each other’s heads? How many countries they had been in, with Rob joking around about foreign languages, customs, or beliefs, after which Sabu firmly told him to shut the fuck up? Rob smiled, there'd been so many times, in so many different ways, and there was nothing in the world that could make him give up those beloved memories.
“That wasn’t yours,” Sabu commented dryly, and Rob simply smirked. There was humour in the older man’s eyes, and it was entirely too early to get mad at Rob for something. Both knew this, though Sabu’s grand attempt at looking menacing didn’t go unnoticed.
“Grouch,” Rob muttered affectionately, catching the slight grin. Sighing contently, he stared out into the distance. The watery sun trying to escape the wrath of some clouds was something of a mirror image of them, Rob decided, suddenly feeling poetic. He wanted to tell Sabu about it, but he wasn’t sure he would appreciate being called a rain-cloud.
Looking over at Sabu again, he noticed the man had closed his eyes. Rob hoped he’d fall asleep - miracles did happen - because he could definitely use it. His brow was furrowing though, so perhaps he was in deep thought instead. Not knowing what to say, Rob just sat there, smiling, and just watched. He simply watched. And loved it.
~
The next couple of hours were spent in relative silence, Sabu even falling into a fitful sleep at one point. All seemed to go well, although as the morning ended and afternoon began, Rob could feel tension building. Perhaps Sabu was fearing ‘the talk’, or it was his body acting up, but the man was becoming restless. Rob had suggested they go somewhere, but Sabu had rudely let him know he wasn’t fond of walking anymore, shutting Rob up.
Now Rob watched with worry as Sabu grabbed some things from his travel-bag and stuffed them into his pockets. He’d apparently changed out of his ring-gear and into something more comfortable when Rob had been asleep. Unfortunately Rob had missed the show entirely.
"I need to get some things sorted out.”
Rob froze at that, the realization that Sabu was keeping something from him suddenly dawning on him. What was going on, and couldn’t Rob come? Sabu didn’t give him the chance to ponder it, instead continuing quickly.
“I'll meet you back here at around five. I left some money in my bag for you. Use it if you have to, but know I’m getting it back with interest."
He stared at Sabu, catching the nervousness is his partner’s voice, noticed his own quickened breathing. What was Sabu up to? Could he trust him to be there, like he said he would? Being tired didn't mean he'd stay, and if there was anything Rob had learned, then it was that Sabu - no matter how he felt - preferred running away over giving in.
"And will you be there, or will you disappear again? At least give me a head-start, Sabu, following you around is fucking tiresome."
He didn’t get an answer, and instead slowly followed as Sabu limped out the door. He considered following him, but knew it wouldn’t work. Staring at his lover’s retreating back, he tried to quiet that little voice that told him not to trust Sabu. If he had learned anything, then it was not to trust Sabu. But, oh, he wanted to.
~
His eyes were probably red, Rob knew, having done nothing but watch TV since Sabu had left. He’d been sitting there, trying to understand the gibberish that was German, for over four hours, the nerves eating at him. The thought of this all having been in vain scared him, as did his own resolve. Could he deal with another rejection?
Staring at his watch - it was 5.15 - Rob tried to focus on the TV again, not giving in to the urge to go over everything the man had said, done, or neglected to. Worrying - Sabu had told him to stop that so many times - wouldn't help his case, and right now he needed to believe Sabu would show up. He too was tired, but not of wrestling. Hell, not even of the way he'd been dashing from country to country. Most of all he was tired of the painful game of cat-and-mouse they played, Rob always ending up the loser. He just hoped this time the mouse would end up getting what it wanted. This time, Rob decided, Sabu had to show up. If not, then Rob wasn't sure what he'd do.
To Be Continued. (End of Part Two.)