saying goodbye.
Looking back on my last entry ... I don't even know. That was back in a time where I still had a comfortable bed and didn't have to shower with flip flops on. It was back when I could hang out with or see my best friend any time that I wanted to and back when I saw my family every day. Those times have all been taken away from me.
I hate this. I hate feeling okay one second and then miserable the next. I hate not being able to hug my mom or play with my dog and I hate not being with my best friend. College has been getting better for me but I still hate it. I hate that I'm away from everyone and everything I love. I hate that most of the friends here are people I just hang out with so I'm not completely alone - none of them are really close friends yet. There are a lot I do like but I wish I had my best friend here.
Damon is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Seriously, it's hard to believe that last year this time I didn't even know him. He has impacted my life so incredibly much and I hate not being with him now. Saying goodbye to him is the hardest thing I've ever done - it's almost the hardest I've ever cried and the most upset I've ever been. I had to sit in my car tonight for a half hour after I dropped Damon home and said goodbye because I couldn't even move I was crying so hard. I don't know why - I'm so so so so afraid that somehow we'll drift apart. It's honestly my biggest fear because it happened with Ross and I. Granted, Ross and I were not as close as Damon and I are and Damon's completely different than Ross. I'm just so scared anyway - I would do anything to make sure we're always this close because I really don't know how I'd manage without him. I mean I talk to him on the phone every night and online everyday but there's something different about being with the person - it's just better.
Before he left my house tonight we sat in my basement alone listening to songs by Carrie Underwood and Josh Groban - the ones that make us think of certain things and make us cry. We just sat there the two of us listening and I was crying. I had to try SO hard not to just start sobbing right there. I think it made us closer though. I've never really been able to cry in front of any of my friends before but now I can and it's okay. And when I dropped him home, I hugged him goodbye. And it was the longest hug I've ever had and it probably sounds weird but it was amazing. Just being there with my best friend in the whole world saying goodbye .... I could feel his heart beating against mine and it just felt so right to say goodbye to him there like that. I've never had a closer friend than him and I can't even describe it. It's just the most incredible thing in the world.
So Damon, I love you so much - more than you'll ever ever know and I will never ever not be you best friend - you are absolutely amazing and I just don't even have words to express how blessed I feel to have you as my best friend. I love you so much, and if I could, I would come home every weekend to see you. But I will be counting the days until the next time I get to see you ... and don't forget to remember me.
I hate this. I hate feeling okay one second and then miserable the next. I hate not being able to hug my mom or play with my dog and I hate not being with my best friend. College has been getting better for me but I still hate it. I hate that I'm away from everyone and everything I love. I hate that most of the friends here are people I just hang out with so I'm not completely alone - none of them are really close friends yet. There are a lot I do like but I wish I had my best friend here.
Damon is the best thing that has ever happened to me. Seriously, it's hard to believe that last year this time I didn't even know him. He has impacted my life so incredibly much and I hate not being with him now. Saying goodbye to him is the hardest thing I've ever done - it's almost the hardest I've ever cried and the most upset I've ever been. I had to sit in my car tonight for a half hour after I dropped Damon home and said goodbye because I couldn't even move I was crying so hard. I don't know why - I'm so so so so afraid that somehow we'll drift apart. It's honestly my biggest fear because it happened with Ross and I. Granted, Ross and I were not as close as Damon and I are and Damon's completely different than Ross. I'm just so scared anyway - I would do anything to make sure we're always this close because I really don't know how I'd manage without him. I mean I talk to him on the phone every night and online everyday but there's something different about being with the person - it's just better.
Before he left my house tonight we sat in my basement alone listening to songs by Carrie Underwood and Josh Groban - the ones that make us think of certain things and make us cry. We just sat there the two of us listening and I was crying. I had to try SO hard not to just start sobbing right there. I think it made us closer though. I've never really been able to cry in front of any of my friends before but now I can and it's okay. And when I dropped him home, I hugged him goodbye. And it was the longest hug I've ever had and it probably sounds weird but it was amazing. Just being there with my best friend in the whole world saying goodbye .... I could feel his heart beating against mine and it just felt so right to say goodbye to him there like that. I've never had a closer friend than him and I can't even describe it. It's just the most incredible thing in the world.
So Damon, I love you so much - more than you'll ever ever know and I will never ever not be you best friend - you are absolutely amazing and I just don't even have words to express how blessed I feel to have you as my best friend. I love you so much, and if I could, I would come home every weekend to see you. But I will be counting the days until the next time I get to see you ... and don't forget to remember me.