An Apology -- Also Posted in Myspace
So, driving to work today I realized that I am not the greatest person. Ok, so I knew that before, but I realized just how bad I am.
I'm not going to go into all the details I should, because it would take forever and what I should do is write individual apology letters for just about everyone I know for varying offenses. Whether they be tiny things like interrupting more often than I should or large offenses like not standing up for you when I should have.
Being in South Carolina has reminded me of many things, all of them important. I need to explain all of the things that I am feeling and I am not sure I can get it all out; I know I can't get it out eloquently.
But here is the long and short of it. I know that I have not been the nicest person or best friend our there. I have realized that in my growing up process I went from a young independent woman who was always taking care of everyone, was bouncy and cute, was dependable, clean, and loved life to someone who is flaky, irresponsible, not sensitive to people's wants, needs, and feelings, not bouncy, and not even taking care of myself. And somewhat back again. I'm trying, desperately, to regain the girl of my youth (because she was in fact a better person) and temper her with some of the wisdom I have now. I am on the road to recovery and I feel the need (as if possessed by my own 12 step program) to apologize for the bad things that I have done to hurt those I love.
I understand that this apology won't get me in everyone’s good graces - I'm not expecting it too. There is some pain that you can not erase; there are some things you can not undo. But rest assured if you come across this girl and think "God, I've been trying to avoid ever seeing you again" that I understand and I'm sorry.
*sigh* I wish I was more eloquent on this one, but I can only say what I feel and putting what I feel into words doesn't always come out right.
Love ya,
Suzie Q aka Sparkle aka TrinityPeach aka SuFo aka BitchDawg aka MamaSueQ aka Cricket