Beating Heart (1/?)
Title: Beating Heart
Pairing: Matsumiya, Sakumiya, Junba
Genre: Angst, Romance
Disclaimer: I don't own them, but I wish I do
Summary: Nino's sickness makes him take some new decisions about his life
NINO’S POV
I was shocked, how could this be happening to me, I pretended that everything was fine, it hurt sometimes but I could take it. However, the pain was always there and I wanted to make sure that it was nothing big. How stupid I was.
Two weeks. The doctor said in two weeks I have to go under surgery, in the meantime I should make some arrangements, he said. I knew exactly what he meant by that. If I make it I still have to be under strict care for at least one month. As if I have the time to be in bed for that time, with dramas to film, TV programs and concerts. But, I have to do it, I have no choice if I want to live, I have to inform my family in case something goes wrong, and the Jimusho so they can clear my schedule, I don’t care what they’ll say to the media I just need that time, if I make it.
It was all too much, too many things to consider but I avoided the most important. I could die. Really. I could die. Without realizing it myself I parked in from of a familiar building but I don’t get out of the car, I just stay there trying to hold on, I need to be strong but at the same time I feel my heart is shattered with fear. I shouldn’t be here, Jun and I were over, have been over for a month, but I need him now, he would know what to do, he would know what to say to calm me down. How ironic, we broke up because of the little time we spend with each and to prevent any future damage to Arashi, we decided that maybe love wasn’t enough to keep us together. How silly we were, because there may not be a future, at least not for me.
I need to talk to somebody, so before I leave I phone Aiba but he doesn’t pick up. I try again, this time he answered but he says he’s busy, he still have recording to do. That’s weird; I don’t remember him having anything for tonight. I stayed there a while longer, still debating if I should talk to him, we’re still friends of course and I still love him but I’m not sure about him. Isn’t too much of a burden to put this on his shoulders, I shouldn’t be so selfish.
As I’m ready to leave I see Aiba’s car parking in front, wasn’t he busy? He walks into the building and I follow him. As he goes into the elevator I take the stairs, it’s 10 floors but I don’t care, I need to know, so ignoring how bad it could be to my already sick heart I go as fast as I can. When I got there, my heart is beating erratically but I ignored it, Aiba is standing in front of Jun’s apartment door as I hide, Jun opens the door and smiling he leans closer to kiss Aiba’s lips, it wasn’t a brief kiss but it was more than just a peck. I can’t see Aiba’s face from my place and before I can react they are already inside.
My heart hurts, but it’s not only from my sickness now, it’s worse than that; Aiba is one of my best friends and Jun is my ex, we just broke up and I still love him, I thought he too. If something was prove today was that I’m just stupid. I took his love and my health for granted and see how it everything turning out.
Tears are starting to fall, I don’t want anyone seeing me there so I quickly return to my car, but when I got there my hands are shaking and my legs are feeling weak, I’m getting scared, what if this is the end. No, It can’t be, I haven’t say goodbye to those I love. I manage to drive a few blocks but I have to stop, the pain in my chest is too much and my legs are not responding enough to continue driving. When I stop o regain some strength I grabbed my phone and I call Sho, I know I can trust Sho and if anything happens to me I can leave everything for him to take care of, I know he would make his best job. Yes, I can trust Sho.
After I make him swear he won’t say a word to anyone he promises to be there as quickly as he can. While I wait I try to breath to keep awake but I started to lose consciousness. Maybe it’s really game over, maybe I didn’t have two weeks after all; as I pass out my last thought was for Sho because I dragged him to find me there in my car. Dead.
SHO’S POV
I just got home, it was a long day and I’m dying to get a bath, eat something and sleep. Luckily tomorrow is my day off so I can sleep until late morning, but no too much because I have work for Zero but I don’t care because I love my job, not just the newscaster part, but all of it. I love Arashi and all the members, they are my friends and I’m really happy I got to meet them, each one had taught me something important in life. Aiba, that you should smile your way trough life because in order to be happy you have to first feel happy. Jun, that you have to put your best effort in make your job, whatever it is, because lots of people depend on you to do it properly. Ohno, to have time to yourself and enjoy doing what you choose to do with it without feeling obligated to do something you don’t want to do just to keeps appearances. Nino, he taught me a lot, but the most important thing and the one I will never say at loud it’s that love doesn’t have gender; as simple as that, because me, Sakurai Sho, love my friend and bandmate Ninomiya Kazunari.
It’s a one side love I know, but I don’t care, I feel happy just knowing that he’s around and that he cares about me, even if it’s just as a friend; I can live with that.
As I was in the bathtub I hear my phone ring. I know it’s Nino because of the ringtone so I got out to pick it up. I frown as I notice Nino is out of breath, he makes me swear not to call anybody and just go pick him out apparently he needs something important to tell me; I’m too scare to complain and I do as he says. As I drive as fast I’m allow I wondered what could had happened, why did Nino sounded like that. I got to where he told me and I see his car, I knock in his window but he doesn’t open the door so I opened it myself just to find a pass out Nino, I quickly notice that he’s still breathing but faintly so. In his lap there are some papers where he tried to write something but he gave up, but there is also a card in there, a doctor’s card.
I don’t care about my car and I just put Nino to the passenger sit as I drove him to the hospital where this doctor is, as I do so I called him to let him know we’re on our way there. When I finished the call I keep calling on Nino to wake him up, I know is in vain but I’m still trying, tears are falling on my face but I don’t care enough to wipe them as I noticed Nino’s tear stained one, he must had feel so lonely and scared waiting there and I cursed myself for not being fast enough.
When I got to the hospital they are already outside waiting, they took him inside and I follow suite, but they don’t let me go inside the room. A nurse tells me to wait, I know they are trying to stabilize him and I pray that they’ll be successful.
All this time I conformed myself just to being near that I never thought of the possibility of him not being here at all. It kills me knowing it could turn out like that. What would I do? Just live of the memories? Oh God, what can I do to save him? I would gladly give him my life but I know it doesn’t work that way, lifes are not something to take lightly, but just admitting that it reminds me of how much I love him.
I don’t know how much time has passed but a doctor, Nino’s doctor I supposed, comes out to give me the news.
NINO’S POV
I woke up in a white room, I can see the sun rising through the window and I’m trying to adjust my eyes to the light. To my left there is a machine keeping track of my heartbeats, by now I know I’m in a hospital, and by my right there is somebody grabbing my hand tightly. I can only see his hair as his face is buried in the bed, I know it’s Sho, his sloping shoulders gave him away. I smile gratefully at him, he must to get there on time, I was right, I can always trust Sho.
My body still feels heavy and my heart still hurts but it’s bearable now. I didn’t want to wake up Sho, but he seems to sense I’m awake for he’s opening his eyes now, his red puffy eyes.
“N-Nino” Sho breaths out.
“Hai” my voice feels hoarse. He smiles and hugs me trying to be gentle but failing at it. Of course I don’t complain.
“I was so scared” he admits softly.
“Me too” I try to smile.
He touches my cheek “The doctor told me” and I can see his distress on his face.
I nodded “Two weeks” that’s all I say.
He shakes his head “No, one week now”
My eyes open big “One week?”
“He said that you can’t wait that long, not after last night” He bit his lips as he says those words and I feel his hand holding mine tighter as a mean to make me feel secure.
I try to smile “Okay” I don’t need to talk more, I know he understands me. It’s always been like that with him, just a few words and he knows what I want or in these case what I decided. I can only follow what the doctor says, one week to go into surgery, one week to say goodbye, just in case.
After a few minutes of silence he speaks again. “I told your manager that you were sick so they gave you the day off, the doctor said that you could leave the hospital in the afternoon but you have to come for the tests and preparations.”
“I guess there is no point in hiding this to my manager-”
“I’ll talk to him” Sho cut me “I’ll take care of the Jimusho. You still look pale, sleep a little more, okay”
I really feel sleepy and too tired to argue so I nodded and close my eyes, when I woke up again it’s already lunch time and the doctor comes to tell me the dates for the tests and the precautions I must have until that day, that included not having arguments or big shocks, my heart may not take them well. No said. He gives me some pills to control any pain but if it’s too much as last night I must immediately call him.
An hour after he leaves Sho comes to tell me that he already talked with the Jimusho and they are really concern about me, for the next week I’ll be only working in the most important jobs and after the surgery they’d give me all the time I need.
“Thanks Sho” I took his hand.
“No need to thank me, I did it gladly. But I didn’t know if I should had say anything to the others, I imagined you’d want the one to do it”
I hesitate for a moment “I’ll do it soon, until then please don’t say anything”
He frowns but nodded after, so I know he’ll keep the secret. “And your family?” he asks.
“First I want to make some arrangements with the bank and the Jimusho to leave everything settled before I tell them”
“Nino” he reprimands me slightly
“You know it has to be done”
“… I know but… you make it sound li-”
“Don’t get me wrong Sho, I haven’t given up. I just want to make sure they are protected but I haven’t given up, okay”
He smiles at me and I know he won’t ask more about it.
A couple of hours later they let me out, Sho takes me to my apartment and forces me to bed. He says I need to rest because the next day we have to work and although my scheduled is more free these days I can’t risk having a relapse. I know he’s right so I don’t complain anymore as he will give me an hour to play with my DS while he goes to buy some food. I have to recognize it’s very nice of him to not force me to eat what he cooks, thank god.
SHO’S POV
I can’t ask Nino for permission to move in with him, I know he’ll say no, he always had trouble with admitting he needs help and I can’t be calm knowing that something may happen and I won’t be there for him. So, I’m just gonna pick up some clothes and other necessities and return to his apartment (of course with dinner) to sleep in his couch. For the next week and after the surgery until he gets better I’ll stay there. I have a key so he can’t through me out, I hope so.
After he eats I convinced him to sleep and I say my goodbyes, of course I won’t be leaving. In the morning I woke up to someone standing in front of me with crossed arms and an exasperated expression on his face.
“What are you doing here?”
“I slept here” I try to sound cool about the whole situation.
“I can see that, but why?”
I sigh “You know why”
“No, I really don’t” He’s getting mad “I can be on my own you know, what happened that day was just… unexpected”
“So something happened? What was it?” I had the suspicious because Nino’s car was near Jun’s apartment and he could had call him, even as they broke up they’re still good friends.
“It’s not important anymore” he tries to look unaffected but I know him better than that.
“Liar” I call his bluff.
“Home invader” he bits back.
“Are you gonna tell me?”
“No. Are you gonna leave?”
“No” I stand up and go to the bathroom to get ready. I know he’s gonna let it be for the moment but will take any chance to get me to leave.
After my shower he takes one too, I prepare breakfast, at least that I can handle. We eat almost in silence and before we leave for work I confiscate his car keys, he doesn’t talk to me all the way to the Jimusho.
When we arrive, the only one in the room is Jun, he smiles and everything seems normal until Aiba enters.
“Good morning everyone. Oh, I thought I was late but Ohno-kun isn’t here yet” Aiba asks.
“He had an early interview, he will be here soon” Jun responds.
I notice that all this time Nino was playing with his DS but unlike other times he doesn’t seem happy at all. I wonder.
“Nino-kun, I called you yesterday but you never pick up. You wanted to talk to me the other night right?”
Nino stiffed for a second “It’s not important anymore” he says and then he looks at me a little as he was caught off guard and quickly leaves the room.
Aiba and Jun looked at each other, concern and something else showing in their eyes. I took the chance to get some information.
“Aiba-kun, when did Nino call you?”
“The day before yesterday. Did something happen?”
I don’t respond “And you didn’t meet him?”
He looks nervous and I see he takes a glance at Jun “No, I couldn’t. Why do you ask, Sho-kun”
“Just curious, I met him that day to get some drinks. I think you were his first choice, as you are his best friend”
Aiba avoids looking at me anymore and just sits there focusing too much in the floor. I know something is up but I’m afraid to guess it right.
“It’s not like Nino to get drunk, is something wrong?” Jun diverts my attention on Aiba.
“No, just the same problems you know, work, work and more work” I try to smile but I feel it forced.
“That’s normal then. He shouldn’t push himself too much, maybe I should talk to him” Jun offers.
“No need. I already told him what an amazing person he is and that if he needs some time to just relax he should ask the company, after all he deserves it”
“You told him what?” Jun is taken back by my suggestion.
“What you heard; why you sound so surprise?”
“It’s just… I never imagined you given that kind of advise”
“Well… It’s Nino afterall and he’s important to me” I don’t say anymore and just leave the room. After I turn on a corner I can start breathing normally again; I can believe I said that, I purposely annoyed them because I have the suspicious that something is happening between them. I wish I was wrong, but I’m almost sure of it now. Someway Nino must to found out and that would explain why he got so sick. I don’t think I could forgive them if Nino died that day, they don’t know how bad they had hurt him.
I try to control my growing rage and my mind goes to Nino, where did he go?
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Well, this started as a One-shot that I started as I was block writing another one, but it got too long so it's now a multichapter.
Hope you'll like it.