(no subject)

[laksidaisicle]

its funny, the holidays have this kind of effect on me, perhaps on alot of people, it kind of makes you turn back and look at the past....things that were said, done, felt, things that happened....i am by nature a retrospective person, i like to figure out what went wrong, why it went wrong, and if i could have prevented it, well most of the time i like to figure those things out, and the other part of the time i am a huge fan of forgetting and leaving it behind......not that it isn't neccessarily important, it is, just that its too much, or that its not ever going to make sense, or that maybe its not suppose to make sense at least no the way i process it, or look at it.....i guess the bottom line is that its christmas eve, and well soon to be christmas and i can remember....the past ones....they've all been good......christmas has never really been a "bad" time......the holidays in general have never really been a "Bad" time....its one of those events in my families history where we make sure or try to make sure that some part if not all of it goes well.......so regrets...the ones i might or might not have....and the retrospective thinking that comes with what today is and what tommorrow is comes with me thinking of the other people that have been around.......it makes me think of Italy.......no one quite celebrates the holidays like the italians.....it makes be think of bobby, and yes it makes me think of drew......it also strangely enough makes me think of mike....which i find as odd as i haven't even made up my mind about that topic.....it also makes me think of jocelyn and joe......once again odd i know...and claire.....we were afterall roommates.....specifically after this break...but i think we moved in prior to the break........it makes me think of amy's place which i do believe i'm going to visit next week.......it also makes me think of annette.....and of matt, and tucker, and liz, and eileen..it makes me think of jessica and sadia and kristen....it makes me remember holidays spent coming up to buffalo to spend it with my grandma, and holidays spent in pennslyvannia...it makes me look foward to the future too.....its funny this holiday year especially.....i look at the festivities and realize that yes they are wonderful, and exciting...but....one of these years they are going to be even bigger and fuller, even more filled with meaning.......because one of these years i will have people to share them with aside from my family......
mainly i have decided that days like today.....make me way to retrospective.....but decidely thankful, as i have a wonderful family, who i am spending the holidays wiht, i have great friends, and i have come through an amazing year with still more amazing years ahead...as cliche as it might sound i am happy and thankful and a number of other things....mostly despite my indecisiveness in several arenas of life.....i'm happy.....so happy...and well healthy and that counts for a lot...sorry for being so cliche or sappy or whatever......i just woke up and thats what came out......