ppppppppfffffffffffffffttttttttttttttttt
god i feel like shit. shit shit shit.
i'm strung out on (accidentally, i swear) waaaay too much caffeine. that's no way to apply to college, c'mon now.
i want comfort, but i don't have any. i want to cry, but it's not productive. i want to fall apart. i want to put myself together. i want to sleep, but not.
i dunno.
tooo much coffee! it hurts my stomach, and i'm cold and sweaty and... ick. this fucking sucks. i'm jittery, that's what.
and FUCK there's so much on my mind today!
i really, really want to live with Sarah though. i think it would be rockin fun. i mean, we might kill each other or something, but Chris probably won't be moving out, so it would be very very good.
i'm so conflicted right now about life. College, or not? Engage, disengage? Stay here, move out? These things, these answers, aren't here.
here's what i do know:
this is, as i said before, the beginning of a new Eva. by no means a reversal, but a rediscovery.
Kyle: Yeah, I've been trying to find myself too...
Eva: we should do that together! it'll be more fun!
Kyle: so, kinda like a really big easter egg hunt?
Eva: YEAH!
that reminds me - that goes in the quote book.
that reminds me - anything YOU want in the quote book? toss it this way, and i'll use a pretty little pen and immortalize it. oh yeah.
i had kind of any argument with my dad today, because he doesn't get the point of me not going to school without knowing exactly what i'd be doing during that time. given my dad, that makes sense, but... i just want to live a steady, normal life for a little while, want to live live live and breath and sleep and play in the sun. no more stagnation! no! i need to talk to Chris, because i think.... stagnation is bad, and sometimes i wonder. hmm.
oh yeah, and this body's gotta go. like you would not believe. i mean, shit. this is RIDICULOUS.
i'm so gross, i can't stand it. that really sucks, too, because i had this fantasy of looking great by graduation and blah blah blah. so maybe i'll be in progress. but really, i want ABSOLUTELY no visual evidence of things like graduation, which makes me sad because i did... but i gross me out/can't stand myself... damn.
and i want Chris.
god, do i have issues or what.
crazy crazy crazy.
i'm strung out on (accidentally, i swear) waaaay too much caffeine. that's no way to apply to college, c'mon now.
i want comfort, but i don't have any. i want to cry, but it's not productive. i want to fall apart. i want to put myself together. i want to sleep, but not.
i dunno.
tooo much coffee! it hurts my stomach, and i'm cold and sweaty and... ick. this fucking sucks. i'm jittery, that's what.
and FUCK there's so much on my mind today!
i really, really want to live with Sarah though. i think it would be rockin fun. i mean, we might kill each other or something, but Chris probably won't be moving out, so it would be very very good.
i'm so conflicted right now about life. College, or not? Engage, disengage? Stay here, move out? These things, these answers, aren't here.
here's what i do know:
this is, as i said before, the beginning of a new Eva. by no means a reversal, but a rediscovery.
Kyle: Yeah, I've been trying to find myself too...
Eva: we should do that together! it'll be more fun!
Kyle: so, kinda like a really big easter egg hunt?
Eva: YEAH!
that reminds me - that goes in the quote book.
that reminds me - anything YOU want in the quote book? toss it this way, and i'll use a pretty little pen and immortalize it. oh yeah.
i had kind of any argument with my dad today, because he doesn't get the point of me not going to school without knowing exactly what i'd be doing during that time. given my dad, that makes sense, but... i just want to live a steady, normal life for a little while, want to live live live and breath and sleep and play in the sun. no more stagnation! no! i need to talk to Chris, because i think.... stagnation is bad, and sometimes i wonder. hmm.
oh yeah, and this body's gotta go. like you would not believe. i mean, shit. this is RIDICULOUS.
i'm so gross, i can't stand it. that really sucks, too, because i had this fantasy of looking great by graduation and blah blah blah. so maybe i'll be in progress. but really, i want ABSOLUTELY no visual evidence of things like graduation, which makes me sad because i did... but i gross me out/can't stand myself... damn.
and i want Chris.
god, do i have issues or what.
crazy crazy crazy.